Expendables – When I exclusively reported earlier this month that Millennium Films was planning a massive stunt with the cast of The Expendables 3 storming the Croisette today, I had a feeling it would be rather extraordinary — but I didn’t know it would end up to be one of the most entertaining events I’ve attended in 17 years in Cannes. The action brigade rolled into town this morning – on tanks no less – giving throngs of onlookers something to gawk at, and journalists inside a packed press conference the hourlong thrill of seeing mega-franchise stars riffing on everything from their advancing age to the state of today’s action films, how their competitiveness has waned from the ’80s and why this movie will be PG-13. “We are children with arthritis, we are young forever,” said writer- star Sylvester Stallone to great applause when he was asked how he and his cronies will know when it’s time to hang it up on actioners. He added, “I think if you wake up in the morning and your ass falls off, it’s time to retire.”

I don’t know what this means, and to be honest I don’t want to try and decipher it either. I’ve never been able to understand Sylvester Stallone and there’s no point in trying now. All I know is he’s legitimately insane and I wouldn’t want him any other way. I hope one day we see Expendables 10 and its rated Q because Stallone decided to create his own rating system. I also hope his ass doesn’t fall off because that sounds like it would be horribly painful.

– Ryan