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In What Might Be The Smartest Marketing Campaign Of All Time, Budweiser Is Re-Branding It’s Beer ‘America’ This Summer

INBudweiser is renaming its beer “America” for the summer. The special cans and bottles will be available May 23 through the presidential election in November, owner Anheuser-Busch said Monday.

The Atlantic notes that’s just in time for peak beer season: “Summer is the best-selling season for beer — about one-third of all U.S. sales are between Memorial Day and Labor Day.”

The cans, in addition to the usual patriotic flare, will have phrases from the Pledge of Allegiance and lyrics from “The Star-Spangled Banner” and “America the Beautiful,” the company said.

If anything ever deserved the Citizen Kane slow clap, it’s this decision by Budweiser. What a beautiful, brilliant move. I can honestly say that I’ve never been swayed one way or the other by advertising campaigns except when it comes to beer. My usual plan is ‘buy whatever is cheapest’ and while that has turned out to be a horrifically flawed plan, I’m sticking to it. But when it comes to beer, advertising and bottle/can design means a lot to me. Budweiser’s American flag cans usually get the job done, and that’s why I’ll drink them all summer. Now that they’re upping their game and actually adding the word ‘America’ to their cans, it’s a no brainer. People who say Budweiser and Bud Light taste like piss and aren’t real beers can enjoy their $9 10% craft brews and wake up with a headache that would kill an elephant the next morning. I’ll enjoy my 15 Budweiser’s and wake up ready to fly a plane. My only other desire is for them to do the same with Budweiser tap handles. I want to be able to order a nice cold draft of America whenever I go out to eat. Let me have that this summer, Mr. Budweiser.

-Ryan

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Ted Cruz Gracefully Bowed Out Of The Presidential Race & Then Elbowed His Wife IN THE FACE

It’s too bad Ted Cruz doesn’t have an ounce of likability. If he did, I think this election season would’ve been a lot different. Between all the weird interactions with his own family, Zodiac killer jokes and pretty much everyone in the world he’s ever worked with saying they hate him, I feel like this could’ve been a good underdog story. But people like underdogs, so I guess that’ll never happen with Cruz. Also, when I put ‘gracefully bowed out’ in the headline of this post, I meant ‘Donald Trump won every primary and Cruz was mathematically eliminated’. But hey, some guys win elections, some guys lose elections and some guys get slaughtered by Donald Trump and then elbow their wife in the face during this concession press conference. All of this would be a lot funnier if this guy didn’t just get a free ticket to the general election:

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-Ryan

Take 20 Minutes Out Of Your Day & Watch John Oliver Talk About Donald Trump

John Oliver might be the best kept secret in late night television. He’s on HBO and his show only airs once a week, so he’s not talked about in the same breath as Fallon, Meyers, Kimmel, Conan or Corden. But any time a big issue pops up, he’s usually one of the smartest and most level headed voices we have on television. Oliver decided at the beginning of Trump’s campaign that he would not comment on the subject, because he didn’t want to give more TV time to what has become more of a spectacle than a campaign. But now that Trump is running away with the Republican nomination, Oliver felt he had to comment, and comment he did. Now I don’t care if you love Trump or you hate Trump, the following is an almost 22 minute video of straight up facts delivered by one of the best talk show hosts on the planet. Maybe it will sway your vote and maybe it won’t, but it should absolutely make you think.

-Ryan

Insane Person Donald Trump Yelled At A Microphone During Last Night’s Rally In Florida

Donald Trump held a rally last night in Florida, and midway through decided to start yelling at a microphone and the guy who installed it. The only silver lining here is at least he’s not running for the most powerful position in the world. Wait, he is? And people are following him? Excellent. I refuse to get political here or any place else, because it’s like arguing with a brick wall that can talk back, but Donald Trump is insane. Whenever you verbally assault an inanimate object, such as a microphone or a sound system, you know something’s wrong. But people keep showing up to these rally’s, so he must be doing something right. And by doing something right, I mean the majority of human beings are horrible people.

-Ryan

Buddy Cianci is Running For Mayor of Providence Again and He Already Has My Vote

Vote 4 Buddy Buddy Cianci, the twice-convicted felon who led Providence as mayor for 21 years, wants his old job back.

Cianci said Wednesday that he is running as an independent for a seventh term as mayor. The last time he won an election was 16 years ago — before he was convicted in 2002 of racketeering conspiracy for widespread corruption in his administration. He spent 4 ½ years in prison.

Cianci, 73, said he is not seeking redemption, but wishes to bring his experience and vision to the city to make a difference. He said Providence can’t afford to have a mayor who is getting ‘‘on-the-job training.’’

Making an announcement on his radio show, Cianci said that many people would call this an eleventh-hour decision, but that he decided to join the field after much soul-searching and reflection. He said he wants to rekindle the city’s ‘‘renaissance.’’

‘‘If the people don’t want me, they don’t have to vote for me. I realize I have baggage,’’ he said during a break in his show. ‘‘They know who I am. They know what I am. And they know what I’ve accomplished.’’

Cianci’s announcement came shortly before the 4 p.m. filing deadline; a surrogate filed his paperwork for him at City Hall. He will take a leave from the show and from his duties as a local television commentator during the campaign.

Cianci previously won office as a Republican and independent.

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Nice little feel good story to get your Thursday off to a roaring start. And if you think Cianci is losing this election you’re high. The guy is absolutely loved in Providence. And it might just take a 73 year old ex convict to have the vision to actually fix the fucking potholes in this city. The fact of the matter is all politicians are corrupt, especially the ones who serve six terms as Mayor; but the city thrived under Cianci and the people he served adored him. So he did a little racketeering – water under the bridge (stupid saying). Vote 4 Buddy.

– Ryan

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