— Official DWTS (@DancingABC) March 10, 2015
Last night he proposed to his future wife on the Bachelor, then Jimmy Kimmel gives him a cow as an engagement present, and now he is going to be on Dancing WithThe Stars! Chris Soules, HAVE A WEEK!
The “stars” for Dancing With The Stars season 20 were just announced, and they’re something. Suzanne Somers, Rumer Willis, Patti LaBelle, Michael Sam; I could literally go on and on, but I think you get the point. DWTS is fun enough, but The Average Nobodies aren’t the kind of people who see an idea and stop there; we see an idea and think ‘how can this idea be better’? In that spirit, we decided to tweak the DWTS concept and instead of a professional dancer paired up with a “celebrity”, we would insert ourselves into the dance routine and bring in some real star power. Ryan with George Clooney? Matt with Elon Musk? The choices are literally endless. Here are our ideal DWTS partners:
He may have lost a step, but Christopher Walken has been busting a move longer than I’ve been alive. Simply put, he’s a dancing machine, and if there’s two things you need to succeed on DWTS it’s the ability to do a bunch of different dances and fearlessness. Nobody is more fearless (or insane) than Christopher Walken. I’m a little skeptical of his ability to move around after watching the live Peter Pan special, but luckily for C-Walk, I have some dance moves of my own. Maybe we do the salsa, maybe we do the Charleston, maybe we sit in a chair and stare at the audience; when you’re with Christopher Walken, you can get away with anything. If I’m being honest, unless Alfonso Ribeiro is on the show, the title is up for grabs, so I’m very confident that we’ll be in the finals when that day comes around. Fogarty/Walken ’16!
WWF Superstar Chyna
Our dancing partnership is based solely on two things: power and agility. While I may not have either one of those traits former WWF vixen, Chyna, has them in spades. Here is how I see our routines going: I come out and bust a few of my signature moves, maybe a few pop and locks sprinkled over a rhythmic pounding of the dance floor by my size 13 shoe. **Enter Chyna** We meet center stage and begin to waltz (her leading of course). From there we treat the rest of the routine like a Cirque Du Soleil show with Chyna tossing me all over the place. We finish with the move from Dirty dancing, but this time I take over and lift her (I have experience).
I knew the Carlton Dance was eventually going to happen, but it was still glorious. The good Lord put Alfonso Ribeiro on this earth to dance, and that’s what he’s going to keep doing. What I don’t think is talked about enough is how lucky his partner Witney is. You know she showed up for day one of rehearsals, saw him dance and knew she could mail this whole season in. Maybe all this new found fame will give her enough courage to spell her name like a normal human being. In the meantime, go on with your bad self, Alfonso.
Guess who is starring in season 17 of Dancing With The Stars?! The one, the only, Bill Nye The Science Guy.
— Bill Nye (@TheScienceGuy) September 4, 2013
Best news iv’e heard all week!
PS- Now lets talk about how hot his dance partner is.
— Tyne Stecklein (@TyneStecklein) August 1, 2013
[on ze left] WOOF