Blog Archives
As If Florida Wasn’t Crazy Enough, People Are Now Using ‘Flakka’ & Terrorizing South Florida
Florida – It’s been called “$5 insanity” and been responsible for both superhuman feats of strength and unbelievable bouts of delusion.
“Flakka” or “gravel” is the latest synthetic drug that’s being snorted, smoked or injected by addicts looking for a cheap high and been responsible for a series of bizarre headlines across South Florida.
A Florida man running for his life through the streets of Fort Lauderdale – naked, except for a pair of sneakers – is symbolic of the latest drug craze striking dread in law enforcement.
“Longtime addicts who have tried flakka, they’re terrified of it,” Broward County Sheriff’s Office treatment counselor Don Maines told the Sun-Sentinel. “They can’t think straight, they’re paranoid, they think people are chasing them. One guy thought he was surrounded by German shepherds that were attacking him.”
You know what Florida DIDN’T need? Flakka, gravel, or any other kind of hallucinogenic drug. That’s like giving a murderer keys to a gun closet and being surprised when he murders everyone. It’s a well known fact that people in Florida are bat shit crazy. Combine that bat shit craziness with hallucinogenic drugs and you have possibly the worst disaster ever. People are streaking through neighborhoods. One guy thought he was being chased by a gang of German shepherds which sounds like either the best or worst thing ever. If he was being chased by the dogs then that’d be pretty cool because German shepherds are awesome. If he was being chased by a bunch of Shepard’s that just happened to be German then that would be terrifying. You know how your grandparents always start conversations off with “back in my day” and you roll your eyes? I kind of get what they’re saying now. Back in the day you had cool nicknames for drugs like crack or speed or hash. Flakka is bad enough, but gravel? Gravel isn’t even a slang term. Gravel is an actual thing, and it’s pretty low on the list of things I’d like to ingest, snort or inject into my body. But I guess that’s how things are in Florida. You snort some gravel, get chased by some dogs and/or Shepard’s and you call it a god damn day.
– Ryan
Michael Sutton Eats Rocks
Michael Sutton, 36, was arrested last week after some high school students found him near their school, eating rocks and babbling on about meth, the Des Moines Register reported. – Huff Post
Oh! Eating rocks? Demented move, Michael. Can’t say that i’m surprised though, because once you hit rock bottom what else is there to eat? My question is, what was he eating the rocks with? Was he just plucking rocks off the ground and shoving them in his gullet, or was he dipping them in ketchup or barbecue sauce first? These are the questions that need to be answered.
Also, when someone says “eating rocks” I have to imagine that they are just swallowing them whole. I really doubt any chewing was happening. Rocks are tough as nails. There is no way a meth head could chew through rocks. I’m not even sure my genetically enhanced cow jaw could do that (True story, but for another time).
-Matt
There is No Such Thing as a Free Vacation to Canada
“If it’s too good to be true, it probably is,” goes the old saying. Apparently that goes double for “free” vacations.
Just ask an unnamed couple from Australia, who believed they’d won an all-expenses-paid trip to Canada — complete with free luggage — but unwittingly became drug mules instead. When they returned from a seven-day vacation in the Great White North on Oct. 13, the couple, a 72-year-old man and 64-year-old woman, approached customs officials in Perth, Australia, over concerns they had with their new bags.
Australian Federal Police examined the luggage and found 3.5 kilograms (7.7 pounds) of methamphetamine stashed in the lining of each bag, worth an estimated total of $7 million dollars. Perth Now reports the couple had apparently been scammed by “AusCan Tours,” a fake Canadian travel agency that lured them into entering an online competition. They were contacted by the agency afterward with the good news that the pair had won a free vacation. – HuffPost
Well, you know what they say…don’t accept a free vacation to Canada unless you’re willing to peddle 7.7 pounds of meth across international boarders. “Too good to be true” is not the adage I would have used for this situation. A free trip to Canada, you say? As soon as I read this I knew these people must have been either elderly or from somewhere other than North America. Oh, look at that, this couple is both! Because there is no way someone gets that jazzed up about visiting Canada, unless they are from another country….or are senior citizens.
-MattyV
PS- I’ve been to Canada once. It was on a cruise, and my buddies and I got off the boat to go to a strip club. We found out it was closed (at 11:00am) and got back on the boat and never returned.
Nick Carter is Full of Shit
(Source) He struggled with addiction for years and now Nick Carter has revealed his troubles began at the tender age of two.
In his new autobiography, the Backstreet Boys singer opens up about his parents’ dependence on alcohol which he believes led to his addiction first to drinking and later drugs including cocaine, Ecstasy, and prescription painkillers.
In new excerpts from the tome, titled Facing the Music and Living to Talk About It, obtained by RadarOnline, Nick recounts a story which saw him trying alcohol for the first time when he was still crawling at the bar below his parents’ apartment.
‘Family legend has it that when I was two years old, I crawled into one of the Yankee Rebel’s liquor storage rooms where I was caught drinking for the first time,’ he recounts. ‘My parents always laughed at that. I laughed too, for a while, and then I didn’t laugh at it anymore.’
Nick claims his mother and father also drank heavily, which he believes was caused by money worries and says he started drinking himself when he was still a teenager.”
Is there anything in the world less authentic than a celebrity autobiography? At least 80s stars drug problems were believable. Robert Downey Jr. tried marijuana at the age of 12. I can believe that. Tim Allen sold coke in his 20s. Very believable. Nick Carter started drinking at the age of 2? Not so much. You know what happens to a baby who drinks at 2 years old? They die. They don’t go on to become fantastic singers in an underrated boy band. What’s next? He was a world class juggler at 14 months? He won the Tour De France when he was 3? Yes you’re trying to sell copies of your book, but come up with a better story than that. After all, every alcoholic/drug addict from the late 90’s through the mid 2000s already has a built-in excuse: they drilled Paris Hilton.
– Ryan
Is Hiding in a Kmart and Huffing 16 Cans of Air Duster a Wake Up Call?
He told police he’d been “huffin.'” Robert Pry faces commercial burglary, theft, and other charges stemming from analleged inhalants binge. Pry was discovered passed out in the storage room of a Jonesboro, Ark., Kmart on the morning of Sept. 1. The 21-year-old was found “covered in vomit and urine” with 16 empty cans of air duster nearby. When police arrived at the scene, Pry reportedly told officers that he’d hid out in the store until it closed, then found the air duster and “huffed all night long.” As Gawker pointed out, the 16-can binge was preceded by a self-financed inhalants romp at Walmart. Police found several more empty cans of duster in a truck that Pry said he’d borrowed from a friend. The man told police he’d spent $100 on duster at Walmart, and staged the alleged burglary at Kmart after he’d ran out. According to the police, Pry said he was “addicted to huffing.” No kidding. -Huff Post
So Rob spends a Benjamin on huffers at the local Walmart, inhales all of them, and stumbles over to the Kmart to steal some more. Obviously, he felt hiding out in the store and pissing all over himself was, in the end, a better option than committing to the elaborate heist that i’m sure he had planned out in his head. When he got caught he cried “addicted to huffing”.
Check out this guy, addicted to huffing!
I like to smell things as much as the next guy, but you don’t see me passed out in the back of a Yankee Candle with piss all over my pants, do you? Get your shit together Robert..if that is your real name!
-MattyV
The Little League World Series Is The Breeding Ground For Cheaters
So apparently every player in the LLWS has to wear one of these patches on their jersey. That’s it. That’s all it takes for me to be 100% certain these kids are using PED’s. HGH. Anabolic steroids. You name it these kids are doing it. Remember the Frankenstein I blogged about few weeks ago? God only knows what he’s on.
I can’t believe it was right under my nose this whole time. Imagine the after parties these kids have? Laced freeze pops, ecstasy snack packs, vodka Capri Suns! The horror. Forget about major sports, get testers down to Williamsport asap while these kids still have a chance at a normal life.
– Ryan
