A few buddies and I were at the bar last night and in between rounds of trivia we decided to look up which celebrities shared the same birthdays as us. Needless to say my triple threat blew people away. I had strangers coming up to me wanting my autograph. The waitress picked up my tab. This kind of makes me a famous person right? When you share such an important day with three icons of the silver and movie screens, a little bit of that magic rubs off on you. Johnny Depp is a stud. A perfect mix of a franchise guy and a risk taker, and one goddamn beautiful man. Natalie Portman is a fox, and one pretty talented actress. Even if I stop here, I feel pretty confident that I have most people beat in the fictional celebrity birthday competition. But my foot is on the gas and I’m cruising down the freeway, so it’s only right that the the world’s greatest human being was also born on June 9th: Michael J. Marty McFly Fox. Enormous child star and centerpiece of the greatest franchise in movie history. You think Parkinson’s is going to slow him down? He spits in Parkinson’s face and makes it say his name. Now he’s back to his roots with the Michael J. Fox Show, premiering in September. I always knew June 9th was a great day, but this just reinforces the fact that I have the best birthday ever. Anyone care to debate? Lay your top three on me, but be forewarned, I got Dick Vitale and Tedy Bruschi in my back pocket.
In the battle of soft drinks, one stands above the rest. Atop this heap of “100%” juices, iced teas, sports drinks, and mango fusion fee-fee drinks a titan rises. The drink I speak of is….actually, lets start this story somewhere else.
I’m out on the town, wearing my finest bow tie and slacks (I like to picture myself walking the streets of France wearing this, even though all I wear is basketball shorts and tee shirts) and I come across a local watering hole, maybe it’s Texas Road House, maybe it’s not (It is). I am seated at my table, and who, but Kate Upton, comes to take my drink order (This is my story, and what I say, goes)! After we swap numbers and spit she asks what I would like to drink. At the time, I am in the mood for a clear soda, in which, Sprite, is the only way to go. I order my Sprite, and Katie responds with the mind numbing, “is Sierra Mist ok?”. Alas! they only serve Pepsi products. This puts a damper on my thirst quest. No person in their right mind orders Sierra Mist, it’s the poor man’s Sprite, and when it comes to soft drinks I am no poor man. But then it hits me! Pepsi products you say? In that case, I will have a MOUNTAIN DEW. Mountain Dew, the clear number one choice in soft drinks. The Bonnie to my Clyde, the bacon to my eggs, and the soda for whom I beg. Now, while I sit here and enjoy my Dew, I think of the one thing that made this all possible, Sierra Mist. Thank you Sierra Mist, thank you for being so terrible.
P.S. The one exception to the rule is beer, if beer is on the menu that is what you drink.
Random quote of the day > “Fuck a mixtape!” -T.I.