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Steely_Phil’s Inaugural Music Post

The name is Steely_Phil and from now on i’m going to be posting whatever I want whenever I want, but theres a bonus, each post comes with a song.  If you don’t like what i have to say, shove it.  If you don’t like the song, cram it.

In my first post id like to comment on presidential candidate Donald Trumps hair.  Its silken, blonde, and looks like a cotton candy cloud slowly cascading over a freshly polished gymnasium floor.  But as much as I hate the guy, you have to give him credit for having the courage to say what nobody else will.  In a world where the term “politically correct” is so embedded into our collective memory that almost every breath or word offends at least one sect of our population, Donald continues to be the outlier, he continues to be the only politically incorrect man in politics and you gotta love it.

So in honor of my new found respect for Donald Trump, here is the other most politically incorrect man walking on this good green earth; Eminem.

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Donald Sterling’s New ‘Horny’ Defense Story is the Worst Defense Story Ever

DummyThe latest defense from Donald Sterling: I’m not a racist, I’m just horny.

The Los Angeles Clippers owners, barred from life from the NBA over his racist remarks about African-Americans, says his mind was warped by lust during his now-infamous taped conversation.

“You know, if you were trying to have sex with a girl, and you don’t think anybody’s there, you might say anything in the world,” Sterling explained in a two-minute recorded conversation obtained by RadarOnline.com.

“You might say you have the biggest penis in the world,” the 80-year-old billionaire real estate mogul continued. “I would have said I could fly over high-rise buildings if I had to.”

Sterling said he was jealous of the younger black men who accompanied his 31-year-old girlfriend V. Stiviano to Clippers games

“What the hell, I’m talking to a girl,” Sterling said. “The girl’s black. I like her. I’m jealous that she’s with other black guys. I want her … Can I, in private, tell her I don’t want her to be with anybody?

“Am I person? Do I have any freedom of speech?”

Sterling specifically objected to Stiviano’s Instagram posting of a photo with Magic Johnson — and he complained that the Hall of Famer should be more sympathetic to his situation.

“I wish Magic Johnson was talking to a girl, and he’s trying to play with her,” Sterling said. “You might say anything.

Sterling ended the conversation by clumsily invoking a black woman who’s apparently an employee.

“I have a girl here who has black kids, and is partly black, I think,” he said. “I love the girl. And so she’s telling me ‘You’re wrong.’

Oh Really?

I have a serious question: is Donald Sterling mentally retarded? I’m not trying to make fun of him, I just want to know, because if he is I’ll stop writing posts about him. But if he isn’t, then he really needs to fire his publicist or hire a publicist because he has negative infinity common sense. So anytime Donald Sterling wants to have sex with a girl, he pulls the racist card. Just starts running down black people. Does that work? Personally if I want to have sex with a girl I break out the dance moves, then they run away, and I go home alone. Maybe I should start being a racist. I’m sure that really charms the pants off a girl. In a way I want this whole thing to just end but I also want to hear more reasoning from Donald. He’s pure racist gold.

– Ryan

 

Tommy Lasorda Has Officially Entered Crazy Old Man Territory

Psycho – “Baseball legend Tommy Lasorda is known for speaking his mind.

The Hall of Fame manager, 86, led the Los Angeles Dodgers from 1976 to 1996, coming to know Donald Sterling, the owner of basketball’s L.A. Clippers, in the process.

Sterling was banished from the NBA for life last week after audio recordings of his racially charged rants emerged. The audio features conversations between Sterling and his assistant V. Stiviano.

Lasorda was in West Palm Beach, Florida, Tuesday, picking up an honorary doctorate degree from Northwood University, where he spoke at the school’s commencement.

He also spoke with ABC affiliate WPBF-TV, discussing the Sterling situation – and his feelings about Stiviano.

“I’ve been a friend of that guy’s for 30 years,” Lasorda told WPBF. “It doesn’t surprise me that he said those things. That doesn’t surprise me. And he shouldn’t have said it, and he just hurt himself by talking too much and doing things that he shouldn’t be doing.

“And I don’t wish that girl any bad luck, but I hope she gets hit with a car.”

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Well it’s official: Tommy Lasorda is a crazy old man. He’s always been crazy, but at 86 I think he’s finally reached that point where he just doesnt give a shit anymore. I do think someone should explain to him that hoping someone gets hit by a car is kind of the same thing as wishing someone bad luck. People with good luck don’t get hit by cars. I also 100% believe that Tommy Lasorda thinks he’s in the right in this situation because he prefaced his comment with “I don’t wish that girl any bad luck”. Once he said that, he felt that he was in the clear and could follow it up with anything he wanted. I do like the old school insult, though. You never hear anybody say that they hope someone gets hit by a car anymore. I hope Tommy Lasorda brings it back. A nice, solid insult that shows that you mean business. I don’t want to start pointing fingers, but if V. Stiviano gets hit by a car anytime soon, I have a good idea of where we should start looking.

– Ryan

Donald Sterling Just Got His Harshest Punishment Yet – He’s Banned From the Bunny Ranch in Vegas

PuppiesDonald Sterling is not only banned for life from the Los Angeles Clippers and the NBA, a Nevada brothel owner also wants nothing to do with him.

Dennis Hof has banned Sterling for life from ever entering the doors of the Bunny Ranch near Carson City, Nevada, and any of his six other brothels in the state.

“A lot of NBA players come here to party,” Hof told The Huffington Post. “Out of respect to them, we have banned Sterling from coming here.”

Hof says his sense of confidentiality prohibits him from confirming or denying if Sterling has ever visited his brothels.

“I can tell you this: Johnny Buss, one of the owners of the Los Angeles Lakers, and I have had a dual birthday party at the Bunny Ranch for the last 18 years, so a lot of NBA people have been here,” he said.

Hof’s stand against Sterling isn’t only in support of the basketball players who’ve had to deal with the billionaire’s alleged racism over the years.

“At any given time, 20 to 23 percent of the prostitutes here are African-American,” Hof said. “And they’re smoking hot. Some of them were crying this morning so we’re doing this for them as well. We don’t need racists or bigots at the Bunny Ranch.”

Sterling isn’t the first high-profile person forbidden to partake in Hof’s garden of earthly delights.

“We banned the ‘Duck Dynasty’ guys. Those guys are the biggest homophobic assholes and they make their living killing animals,” Hof said. “We’ve also banned Michael Vick. We don’t want him here. I couldn’t guarantee his safety from the girls. They love animals.”

Sterling may be persona non grata at Hof’s brothel, but his estranged girlfriend, V. Staviano, now has a free lifetime pass.

“She needs to meet some women who can satisfy her more than any man could,” Hof said.

F Me

Now it’s getting real. Banned from the NBA, $2.5 million fine blah blah blah. Banned from the Bunny Ranch, home of the Cat House TV show, the best TV show ever? That’s some ice cold shit. How is a man supposed to live without the Bunny Ranch? I’ve never been there but what’s not to like. Hot girls walking around half naked willing to do whatever the hell it is you want to do, and it’s all legal because you’re in Vegas. This is almost a fate worse than death. Just knowing for the rest of your natural born days that you can’t go to the Bunny Ranch. Pack it up, Don. It’s over.

– Ryan

Why The Average Nobodies Buying the LA Clippers is Good For the NBA, America

Now that Donald Sterling is banned from the NBA for life and will most likely have to sell the team, a lot of celebrities have chimed in on why THEY should buy the LA Clippers. Floyd Mayerweather, Oprah, Dr. Dre, Larry Ellison, Frankie Muniz; pretty much everyone is trying to get in while the getting’s good. What do these people have that we don’t have? Money? Power? Fame? Respect? The answer to all of those questions are yes (except for Frankie Muniz’s fame), but we don’t care about any of those things. Why? Because we have a plan. A plan that we created a few hours ago that will change the NBA forever. We’ve narrowed our plan down to 6 key points:

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1. We’d bring back theme nights ala Jackie Moon with the Flint Tropics. Rotissserie chicken night. Glow in the dark night. Authenitc jersey on a pole night. If there’s one thing we don’t lack, it’s imagination. Would these theme nights translate well into reality? Who cares, as long as it gets butts in the seats. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

2. We’d play in some of the games. Admittedly this kind of a selfish point, but if we own an NBA franchise there is a 100% chance that we will make the active roster at some point during our tenure.  To be honest, we think that’s what the game is lacking. Yeah it’s fun watching these gargantuan athletes dunk the ball all the time but what about some real, old fashioned basketball? Pick and rolls, layups, high shorts. Bring a little old school charm back to the league. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

3. We have no shortage of new team names and mascots. The Clipper’s ship has sailed (see what I did there?). It’s time for this LA franchise to take on a new identity, and we have the perfect suggestions for a town of this magnitude. Who wouldn’t love to see the LA Traffic Jams storming the court? I can see the posters now: “Tonight the Traffic Jams look to put the Heat in Park!” BOOM. Marketing 101. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

4. We would write story lines into every game. Kind of like professional wrestling……actually, exactly like professional wrestling. I’m talking tables, chairs, bra and panty matches (cheerleaders not players),  hell, fire, brimstone, and barbed wire. Our first act as owners would be to get Jim Ross and Joey Styles to do commentary. MAH GOD IT’S BLAKE GRIFFIN! Also, we’re not horrible racists.

5. We would get heavy hitting names to sing the national anthem. I’m sick of watching basketball games with Harry from Tempe, Arizona or Janette from Shrewsbury singing the national anthem. I want big time solo artists or bands on that parque floor. It’s the national anthem! Having all these nobodies (no pun intended) butcher it every home game and making it lose it’s prestige. The first night we take over, Huey Lewis and The News will be singing the national anthem. Beat that, Oprah. Also, we’re not horrible racists.

6. Also, we’re not horrible racists. Self explanatory.

Come on, who wouldn’t us owning a NBA team?! We already have famous friends and that’s pretty much half of owning a pro sports team.

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-The Average Nobodies

Adam Silver Missed The Boat By Not Having Donald Sterling Attend Michael Scott’s Diversity Day Training

A lifetime ban and a $2.5M fine might be OK with some people but not for me. Donald Sterling might not own an NBA team anymore but we’re ignoring the root of the problem: he’s an admitted, proud racist. Fining him pocket change and banning him from the sport in which 80% of the players are people he hates probably isn’t going to change his views, but sending him to Diversity Day training with Michael Scott will. It’s the ultimate cure all for racists of all kinds. I really hope Adam Silver adds a diversity day provision into this ruling. Donald Sterling needs it. America needs it. I need it.

– Ryan

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