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If I Hear “Wiggle” One More Time I Might Actually Commit A Horrible Crime

So we’re at the point where not only did this song get made, but you can’t turn on a radio station without hearing it. It’s horrifically sad that’s that where we’re at as a society. Snoop Dogg or Snoop Lion or Snoop or whatever the hell his name is now is apparently following the Adam Sandler career plan and just mailing in songs. “Hey Snoop can you come to a tropical island and say the word butt and wiggle over and over again and smoke a lot of weed? Also we’ll pay $5 million.” I don’t blame him for saying yes, but it doesn’t change the fact that this song is terrible. Let’s take a look at the transcendent lyrics.

You know what to do with that big fat butt

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Just a little bit of… swing

I thought ‘Hotel California’ was a powerful song, but it’s got nothing on ‘Wiggle’. I feel like a general rule of thumb should be that you can’t just say the same word nine times in a row and call it a chorus. I’m not music major but that just seems right. Hearing this song so much has finally convinced me to do something that is long overdue: rip the radio out of my car and listen to myself sing cover versions of my favorite songs. At least I know I’ll never be disappointed.

– Ryan

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