Blog Archives

Happy Presidents Day From the Greatest President of All Time

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Best mutton chops of all time. With hair like that you better get shit done or you’ll be chased out of the White House with pitchforks and lanterns. Martin Van Buren is 1/44 of the reason we all have today off, but in our hearts he’s so much more.

– The Average Nobodies

Happy Valentines Day From the Saddest People on the Internet

 

 

– The Average Nobodies

Kevin Garnett and His Poop Mouth Just Scarred This Kid For Life

If you sit front row at a Nets game you need to expect the worst. I’m 99% sure Garnett only speaks in profanities while on the court. Not even Christmas can stop him and his poop mouth.

– Ryan

Daniel Day Lewis’s Son is a Apparently a Rapper Named Gabe Day

(Source) His name is Gabe Day. And, as this young rapper defiantly tells us, it’s not Gabe Day-Lewis, because if you call him that, he’ll “Gabe Day Lose It.” If you haven’t figured it out yet, Gabe is actually the son of Oscar-winning actor Daniel Day-Lewis.

One of the funniest aspects of the Gabe Day persona is the fact that this profanity spewing, aspiring Nas protégé is an undergraduate at Sarah Lawrence College. Sarah Lawrence is a small liberal arts college in New York; it was also originally founded as an all-female institution. We hope that Sarah Lawrence’s dope girl/ boy ratio is worth the $60,000 dollars a year that’s being forked over so Gabe can embrace his musical talent and pursue his major in waking and baking.

Thanksgiving dinner is going to awkward at the Lewis house this year. I can sense Daniel Day Lewis’s disappointment from here, because nobody takes acting more serious than Daniel Day Lewis. Nobody. And I guarantee he wanted his son to become an actor. Probably trained him to become a method actor as a kid. While most kids went out and played basketball on the weekend, Gabe Day was trying to perfect his Brando in The Godfather. So naturally he grew up to be a rapper. I don’t know how great of an artist he is, but his rapper name is awful. Gabe Day? So you took your given name and dropped Lewis. Got it. Plus it sounds really similar to game day or gay day, and I can’t imagine that being a good thing for a rapper. His name might suck, but the kid has “the look”. Grey long sleeve shirt and a backwards hat? That’s as hardcore gangster as it gets.

– Ryan

Happy Veterans Day

To those who have served, those who are serving, and to all future veterans: thank you. Happy Veterans day everybody.

– Average Nobodies

Dirk Nowitzski Is Everything That’s Right With This World

Once again proves my point that Dirk Nowitzski is the greatest basketball player in NBA history.

– Ryan

81ThirdKid Needs To Pump His Brakes

This is Devin Brugman:

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Grade 5 Sharknado. She cofounded the company A Bikini A Day, which thankfully for us means she’s pretty much in a bikini 24/7. She’s got a body even Elton John would love and a face to match. When she puts up a new picture on Instagram, many of us can’t even find the words to describe what we’re looking at it. Unfortunately, 81ThirdKid can find the words.

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Hey pal, you’re talking to a goddess here, not some eyebrow free homeless woman in Kennedy Plaza. His comment starts off pleasantly, but quickly takes a turn to bizarro world and never really recovers. Why would you want to go through all that for a steak dinner date over Skype. At least request a face to face dinner. 81ThirdKid is the definition of the term shit for brains. And next time your going to ruin one of Devin Brugman’s pictures, leave Rosie O’Donnell out of it. I can’t picture them both at the same time again. My brain might explode.

– Ryan

5 Best “This Is Sportscenter” Commercials

It’s impossible to pick the best “this is sportscenter” commercials, but I did it anyway. I hope you disagree.

– Ryan