For those of you who don’t know what “flair bartending” is… The Average Nobodies very rarely turn down a chance to drink during the week, so we attended the Flair Bartending Flip Out On Cancer charity event Monday in Providence, Rhode Island. The logic is simple: you pick a song or two and you bartend your ass off. While we were watching the competition, we thought we’d throw our hats in the ring and pick a few songs and create a routine in case there ever comes a day where we need to flair bartend to save our families from a Russian super villain bent on world domination.
Flair bartending is all about energy, and with these two songs I’ll have it in spades. Return of the Mack will get the people on their feet and Dance With Somebody will literally have people dancing with each other. If you can’t jam to these two songs, you have no soul and I don’t want you apart of my flair bartending routine. Another good thing about these songs is that they will distract the audience away from my routine. A lot of the bartenders we saw were all hands and arms, so I’m thinking I use a feet heavy routine. Do people want their bartenders feet near their drinks? Probably not, but I’m the flair bartender and they’re not. At some point I’ll probably roll multiple bottles on the ground and kick them like a soccer ball. Add in a couple hip thrusts and some obscene gestures, and you have yourself one hell of a flair bartending routine.
From what I saw at the flair bartending event your music can make or break your performance in two ways: 1. The music doesn’t speak to your inner showman or show-woman and you come up short. Using the music to get the juices flowing is like a natural adrenaline shot to the heart. You ever hear about mothers that gain ridiculous strength to save their children? Well i’m pretty sure I could jump over a small building while listening to 80’s hair metal. and 2. The music doesn’t get the people going. Nothing’s worse than getting ready to perform something in from of some people and the crowd isn’t cheering your every move. Look back at some Stone Cold Steve Austin entrances. When that glass breaks there isn’t one ass in one seat in the whole arena! Handicapped sections included (if that’s terrible of me I am sorry, but I need to prove a point). That’s the kind of energy a flair bartending performance deserves!
Having said that, my choices were easy. I start off with some ‘Twisted Sister’ followed up by the ultimate party song, Cherry Pie. I figure I will use a lot of ice in my routine. Like throw it around and keep the eyes off the action at hand. That way I can lean on some simple bottle flips and cup twirls throughout my performance. Smoke and mirrors people, that’s the first rule of magic school. I also will be yelling pretty loud so that should create an additional distraction. Like so loud that people will think i’m hurt, but I won’t be..I think.
Side note: Veteran flair performer, Lauren, said that Cherry Pie is too slow of a song to flair to. I didn’t listen, so I could be off to an awful start to my flair career. I regret nothing.
Thanks internet. Sometimes you’re the best.
Kudos to Huff Post Entertainment.
Get out your finest turtleneck and dance like a goddamn animal. Enjoy your weekend everybody.
– The Average Nobodies
I must have watched “You Got Served” 1,000,000,000 times when that bad boy came out on DVD. I perfected* every dance move and then hung up my windbreaker and tear away pants. I might have to make a move out of retirement for this one.
PS- Josh Holloway AND Chris Breezy? Breakdance city.
*I can roll around on the ground to the beat of the music.
(Source) Twerking, the rump-busting up-and-down dance move long beloved on America’s hip-hop scene, has officially gone mainstream. It’s got the English dictionary entry to prove it.
Britain’s Oxford Dictionaries said the rapid-fire gyrations employed by U.S. pop starlet Miley Cyrus to bounce her way to the top of the charts had become increasingly visible in the past 12 months and would be added to its publications under the entry: “Twerk, verb.”
Although Cyrus’s eye-popping moves at Monday’s MTV Video Music Awards may have been many viewers’ first introduction to the practice, Oxford Dictionaries’ Katherine Connor Martin said “twerking” was some two decades old.
“There are many theories about the origin of this word, and since it arose in oral use, we may never know the answer for sure,” Martin said. “We think the most likely theory is that it is an alteration of work, because that word has a history of being used in similar ways, with dancers being encouraged to ‘work it.’ The ‘t’ could be a result of blending with another word such as twist or twitch.”
“Twerk” will be added to the dictionary as part of its quarterly update, which includes words such as “selfie,” the word typically used to describe pouty smartphone self-portraits, “digital detox” for time spent way from Facebook and Twitter, and “Bitcoin,” for the nationless electronic currency whose gyrations have also caught the world’s eye.
Oxford Dictionaries is responsible for a range of reference works, including Oxford Dictionaries Online, which focuses on modern usage, and the historically-focused Oxford English Dictionary, which probably won’t be adding “twerk” to its venerable pages any time soon.
The definition: “Twerk, v.: dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance.”
So this is where we are as a species. We’ve gone from Billy Shakespeare basically creating our modern language to Miley Cyrus humping oversized teddy bears and bringing herself so much attention that Oxford has decided to include the word twerk in the dictionary. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t mad, but it’s far from the end of the world. When was the last time anyone ever read a dictionary anyway? Dictionaries, newspapers and magazines are all going the way of the egg salad sandwich. I guarantee more people per year read Barstool Sports than the Boston Globe. If this is Oxford’s way of trying to draw more readers in, I have a bit of advice for them: you’re a dictionary. Unless you get some pictures or MP3 attachments in that bitch, no one under the age of 95 is going to read you. I think it’s only fair that their be an asterisk next to twerk, and that asterisk gives one citizen a free punch to the face to anyone who uses the word twerk in a sentence. Win, win.
It’s Friday. Let’s get yoked
“@yokoono: In winter the snow protected us, covering our pain. Now I hear ice cracking slowly in my brain.”
– Yoko should probably get this checked out. I’m no doctor, but hearing ice cracking slowly in your brain seems like one of the final stages of psychosis. I hate to disagree with the wise one, but being covered in snow seems like it would do more harm than good. After awhile our organs would shut down and then we would pass away. You have over 4 million followers, Yoko. Get your shit together
“@yokoono: Walk until your body feels like dancing. Then dance. You will find that you no more have difficulty in sleeping at night.”
– All these foolish doctors wasting millions of dollars on insomnia research. All these insomniacs polluting their bodies with pills to help them sleep at night. Should’ve listened to Yoko. Can’t sleep? Step 1: walk until you feel like dancing. Step 2: dance. I guarantee you’ll get the best sleep of your life. But remember, this is a two step process. You can’t just walk until you feel like dancing and stop. You won’t sleep. You may be asking yourself: “self, what if I just start dancing without walking first?” Sorry charlie, get ready for a restless night.
Another week in the books, two more lessons learned from Yoko Ono. Her knowledge is just like the sky: endless.
P.S. With advice like this, she should change her name to Yoko OhNo! right? Right? I need a drink.