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Dude Beats Unfathomably Hard Level of Super Mario Maker and Cries Tears of Joy

I have been spending a lot of time, probably to much time, watching YouTubers play custom made Mario levels on Super Mario Maker and this has got to be the most insane level I have seen yet. If I was playing this level i’m cooked in the first 5 seconds. I would not even know where to begin. Some people are destined to play super hard mario levels and some people are destined to watch them. I’m ok with that.

-Matt

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To Say This Woman Disliked Her Haircut Might Be The Understatement Of The Century

The video isn’t the clearest thing you’ll ever see, so I can’t tell how bad this woman’s haircut is, but this is what you call an overreaction. I understand this woman is clearly unhinged and she has a sledgehammer, but she clearly can barely swing it. There’s not anyone there who’s willing to just calmly go up to her and take the sledgehammer away? When she goes to hit one of the workers with it the worker just kind of puts her hands up and stops her and the lady almost falls over due to the weight of the sledgehammer. I guess when you think you’re going to have a relaxing evening getting your perm on the last thing you want to do is approach a lady with a sledgehammer. I can’t hate on that.

-Ryan

There Is Currently A Hamburger Assault Epidemic In Florida Right Now

FloridaDuring an argument over infidelity, a Florida woman threw a hamburger at her boyfriend, striking him in the eye and landing her in jail.

According to cops, Rykihia Moore and Mario Thornton were bickering Saturday evening over Moore reportedly “being unfaithful.”

In the midst of the verbal beef inside a Clearwater home, the 27-year-old Moore “took a hamburger” and threw it at Thornton, her beau of 12 months. The burger, a criminal complaint alleges, struck Thornton in the eye.

Florida, AgainA man accused of hitting his dad with a McDonald’s bag with hamburgers in it likely wasn’t lovin’ it when deputies tossed him in the Indian River County Jail, according to an arrest affidavit.

Tanner Wolf, 19, was jailed May 24 on a misdemeanor charge after the hamburger hullabaloo in Vero Beach.

Wolf’s father told Indian River County Sheriff’s investigators that Wolf has been causing problems. He “is using marijuana and out of his mind,” the affidavit states.

Wolf’s father said he asked his son to get his feet off the kitchen counters. He said his son grew upset and began cursing at him.

That’s when Wolf is accused of lobbing the McDonald’s bag with burgers in it, striking his dad.

wtfih

We haven’t heard from Florida in awhile, so it only makes sense for them to come back with a bang. While the 99.9% of the world is busy eating hamburgers, Florida is busy assaulting people with them. My only question is this is kind of a stretch for assault. How injured can someone be from a flying hamburger, especially from McDonald’s. McDonald’s hamburgers weigh like half a pound. They’re not even made of real meat. It’s basically like throwing a half pound piece of rubber at someone. But when you’re talking about Florida, you have to expect the unexpected. Multiple hamburger assault crimes might be the definition of unexpected.

– Ryan

As If Florida Wasn’t Crazy Enough, People Are Now Using ‘Flakka’ & Terrorizing South Florida

FloridaIt’s been called “$5 insanity” and been responsible for both superhuman feats of strength and unbelievable bouts of delusion.

“Flakka” or “gravel” is the latest synthetic drug that’s being snorted, smoked or injected by addicts looking for a cheap high and been responsible for a series of bizarre headlines across South Florida.

A Florida man running for his life through the streets of Fort Lauderdale – naked, except for a pair of sneakers – is symbolic of the latest drug craze striking dread in law enforcement.

“Longtime addicts who have tried flakka, they’re terrified of it,” Broward County Sheriff’s Office treatment counselor Don Maines told the Sun-Sentinel. “They can’t think straight, they’re paranoid, they think people are chasing them. One guy thought he was surrounded by German shepherds that were attacking him.”

OMG CAT

You know what Florida DIDN’T need? Flakka, gravel, or any other kind of hallucinogenic drug. That’s like giving a murderer keys to a gun closet and being surprised when he murders everyone. It’s a well known fact that people in Florida are bat shit crazy. Combine that bat shit craziness with hallucinogenic drugs and you have possibly the worst disaster ever. People are streaking through neighborhoods. One guy thought he was being chased by a gang of German shepherds which sounds like either the best or worst thing ever. If he was being chased by the dogs then that’d be pretty cool because German shepherds are awesome. If he was being chased by a bunch of Shepard’s that just happened to be German then that would be terrifying. You know how your grandparents always start conversations off with “back in my day” and you roll your eyes? I kind of get what they’re saying now. Back in the day you had cool nicknames for drugs like crack or speed or hash. Flakka is bad enough, but gravel? Gravel isn’t even a slang term. Gravel is an actual thing, and it’s pretty low on the list of things I’d like to ingest, snort or inject into my body. But I guess that’s how things are in Florida. You snort some gravel, get chased by some dogs and/or Shepard’s and you call it a god damn day.

– Ryan

Insane People in Seattle are Testing Dog Shit for DNA to Catch Shitty Dog Owners

SEATTLE (AP) — Frustrated with dog owners who refuse to clean up after their pets, an increasing number of apartments in Seattle are opting to use DNA testing to identify the culprits.

The Seattle Times reports (http://bit.ly/1HxGgb2 ) that a company called BioPet Vet Lab from Knoxville, Tennessee, is providing its PooPrints testing kits to 26 apartment and condo complexes and homeowners associations in the region.

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Seattle residents clearly have WAY too much time on their hands. If your biggest concern of the day is trolling the neighborhood for fresh dog shit to test for DNA then you need to reevaluate how you spend your time. Where are your kids while you do this? Sitting at home unattended? Going with you on these fece safaris? Either way it shouldn’t be happening. Not to mention this sounds expensive as hell. I’m no expert, but something tells me that getting DNA tests done don’t cost a shiny nickel. What happened to the old fashion method of sitting at your window and waiting until the culprit strolls up to your house and you just yell obscenities at the from the window? Those days are long gone I guess. Next steps in this insane behavior is having one of these crazies on Maury….”YOU ARE NOT THE SHITTER!”

NEWS_notthefather

-Matt

**Update** This was originated in Florida…..makes perfect sense now.

Dennis Rodman Yells Gibberish

I really have no words for what I just watched. I’m even more unsure that what Rodman was yelling was even english words. I’ve never heard someone be so hard to understand since Beeker from the Muppets.

beeker

You can bet your last dollar that this video will spark another Rodman SNL skit.

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-Matt

What Just Happened

At the 2:15 mark I nearly pissed myself. How the hell can the human body do that?! It defies everything I know about bones and muscles (which isn’t much, but still!). I think what I’m going to do is recreate this with Ryan and our friend Derek, and see what happens.

If you stop seeing new posts over the next few days, someone call 9-1-1.

-Matt

Rate Riff Raff’s New Music Video, Raiders vs. Hawks

Once again, I am speechless. This guy is on a while other level when it comes to music videos. Yeah, Kanye’s videos might be weird, but Riff Raff’s videos are the things Kanye’s videos has insane dreams about…if that makes any sense.

-MattyV

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