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Browns Fans Post “QB Wanted” Ad on Craigslist

(Source) Hello, and thanks for reading.
Have you played pro football? College ball? High school? Pee-wee?
Have you played Madden before?
Do you sort of kind of know some of the rules of football? If yes keep reading. If no…well also keep reading! We will take ANYONE. This could turn into a regular gig for the right person.
The Cleveland Browns as you may have noticed are having problems scoring points on offense consistently. We are deciding that we actually want to win this year and that we have a real shot at it too. 3 wins in 6 games!? We were expecting maybe 1/3 of those wins for the whole year, but SOMEHOW we have a shot still. Here’s the thing…our defense is sick nasty, but we’ve got problems under center…well one problem. Brandon Weeden. If you’re sick of seeing desperation heaves to the sidelines, countless sacks after superb coverage, and underhanded lightly tossed interceptions in the 4th quarter then please come apply! If you can throw a ball, come apply! If you can’t, come anyway! We can teach you the basics….throwing the ball to the guy who has the same color shirt as you. Throwing the ball reasonably close to a receiver that’s WIDE OPEN, throwing the ball more than 3 yards on 3rd and 16. Think you got what it takes? Come on down! You’re the next contestant on Cleveland Quarterbacks!
Please no redheads, people named Brett, or any U. Of Florida alum.

This is kind of a new low even for Cleveland. Obviously this a joke but the fact that this entire description of what the Browns need at QB is true makes it sad. I also take partial responsibility for this situation. My fantasy players have what I like to call the “Ryan stink” on them. Guess who I picked up at 5 o’clock Thursday afternoon to be my starting quarterback that night? Brian Hoyer. 4 hours later he tore everything in his knee and the 40 year old college graduate Brandon Weeden came in. I think I owe it to the city of Cleveland to throw my hat in the ring for this job. I’ve never played football at any level but I’m a great defensive coordinator in Madden so it’s basically the same thing. I’d also never do this

You know where to find me Cleveland.

– Ryan

Nothing Like A Casual Craigslist Search

“Looking for someone to paint me as a centaur (west warwick) – I want someone to paint me as a centaur. Bottom half horse top half me. Please be able to actually paint. I will need to see other work you have done. Shoot me and email and give me a price. maybe we can meet in a park one day and i’ll pack a lunch. But seriously, this is legit.”

I knew I should have taken art classes when I was a kid! This is a post, directly from Craigslist, that I received from a inside source.  First, let me first point out, power move by wanting to be painted as a centaur.  No little bitch real animals like a tiger or lion, NO, a creature straight from fucking myth!  Personally I would have gone the griffin route, but I applaud your tenacity.  As epic as this sounds, and it seems like you have all your bases covered, let me just say if you have to explain what a centaur is to your painter, then they are not ready to paint you.  Be a little more selective, pal.  You run a convincing argument all the way up until the last few lines. “maybe we can meet in a park one day and i’ll pack a lunch”. Really? A guy who desires a mural of himself painted as a centaur wants to meet in a park? I was expecting him to either invite me to his yacht or his trailer home, all i’m saying is that it could go either way.  Pack a lunch? Is this turning into a picnic? Because if so, I am even angrier that I cannot paint.  There is nothing like a good picnic, the sites, the sounds, feeding each other fresh fruits…….I digress.  Not even the great Bob Ross (RIP) could get me prepared for this job.  But at least we know that this offer is “Legit”.
ImageDon’t you give up, someday you will find your artist, and they will paint you wearing this, and only this.
-Mattyv
P.S. Just so it’s clear, Bill Paxton discovered the Titanic.
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