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Welcome To Hell, Chip Kelly #49ers

Chips Ahoy Chip Kelly is the new head coach of the San Francisco 49ers.

Kelly, fired last year at the end of his third season coaching the Eagles, has been hired by the 49ers today.

Although Kelly’s tenure in Philadelphia will be remembered mostly for his disappointing 2015 season, in which he was given full personnel control and didn’t know what to do with it, he did have success in his first two seasons with the Eagles. In San Francisco, G.M. Trent Baalke will pick the players, and Kelly will coach them. Coaching is what Kelly does best.

The first question is whether the quarterback Kelly coaches will be Colin Kaepernick. It appeared that Kaepernick’s tenure in San Francisco was coming to an end when he was benched last season, but Kelly’s offense could be suited to Kaepernick’s skill set, and it’s now possible that Kaepernick could remain.

Slow Clap

Any time you can snag up one of the best coaches on the market, you have to be pleased. So what if he’s a racist and he’s slowly losing his mind. He’s walking into hell, anyway. So maybe being a crazy racist is just what the 49ers need. As much as Jim Tomsula was fun to watch and his mustache was majestic, he was clearly overmatched. The 49ers had a historic overhaul coming into this season, and they performed as well as expected. Now that Kelly realizes he can’t coach AND make all the personnel decisions, maybe he’ll be more grounded and do a better job. The most important question is obviously what do you do with Kaepernick. I was under the impression that he was as good as gone, but he’s a pretty excellent fit for Kelly’s offense. Finally a beacon of hope in what was once a depressing wasteland.



Bill Belichick Has To Own the Most Hooded Sweatshirts in the World




So pretty much everyone knows by now that Bill Belichick only wears hooded sweatshirts at Patriot’s games. Can’t hate on it, especially when my coach buys khaki pants in bulk at Walmart. With that said, let me direct your attention to exhibit D:


Hooded sweatshirt at the Pro-Am? Come on, Bill. We know you’re not homeless. Splurge and get a sweater or a polo shirt. Peyton has no problem looking dapper and he’s probably the most depressed person in America. While you’re at it, get some looser pants. Nobody wants to see the Belichick bulge.

– Ryan

I Think Jim Harbough is a Legitimate Crazy Person


I’m having a hard time coming up with another explanation for this picture. It’s one thing to run all the way onto the field after the play is over. It’s ANOTHER thing to be completely on the field while the play is going on. It’s like he just forgot where he was or what he was supposed to be doing and just wanted to see the play. I don’t know if I should be happy or concerned that this man is leading my favorite football team into the Conference title game. The only comforting thing is I know he won’t be psyched out in Seattle. You can’t psych out a crazy person.

– Ryan

Jim Harbaugh Doesn’t Care If You Don’t Like Him


Jim Harbaugh has officially morphed into the ultimate “love him if he’s with you, hate if he’s against you” coach in sports. Naturally, I love him, and I’ll tell you why. If he COULD, and I mean literally if he was physically able to, he would’ve played yesterday. What other coach in negative degree weather is out on the field throwing the football around with his quarterback? Nobody. I’m not saying he’s mentally stable, or he doesn’t make boneheaded decisions (has to be the first time in history a coach has called a timeout before first play of the second half) because he does. But he cares about the team and it’s players above all else. Case in point were his post game comments on Michael Crabtree. Does Crabtree have the greatest hands in NFL history? No, but if my coach was saying stuff like that about me I’d want to give 200% when I’m out on that field because I know he has my back. The facts are that Harbaugh took over a 6-10 team that hadn’t had a winning record in 8 years and all he’s done since is won at least 13 games in 3 straight years and put the 49ers back on the map as a great football team. You can hate him, you can love him, but you can’t ignore what he’s done for this football team. Can I get a “wooooooooo!”

For Harbaugh’s post game speech, click here

– Ryan

Oregon Football Coach Fired For Planning Awards Dinner at Hooters

(Source) “An Oregon middle school football coach has  been fired after he planned an end-of-season team party for his  12-to-14-year-old players at Hooters and dogmatically refused to change the  location, insisting ‘it’s not a strip club.’

Coach Randy Burbach, from Corbett Middle  School, organized the awards night at Jantzen Beach Hooters in the Portland  area, but the choice of location quickly sparked outrage in the community. 

The Hooters brand is known for waitresses in  skimpy uniforms, and the Facebook page for the Jantzen Beach restaurant is  plastered with big-breasted, bikini-clad women.”


I have a problem with this story. Do you automatically become dumber as soon as you become a parent, because it seems like the people of Oregon forgot what year we live in. It’s 2013. If Hooters is near the top of your list of things you don’t want your 12-14 year old son to experience then you need a giant reality check. Watch any show on cable TV after 8 oclock and you’ll see women exposing more skin than a Hooters waitress. Play Grand Theft Auto and beat up some prostitutes for fun. I’d say that’s a tad worse than staring at some boobs while eating chicken wings. Our entire society is inappropriate. Between the morbidity of the news and the freedom of the internet, teenage kids have unlimited opportunities to experience things they probably shouldn’t be experiencing. Staring at a waitresses hooters should be the least our worries. Randy Burbach shouldn’t have been fired; he should be celebrated. These kids deserve to eat chicken wings, drink soda and bask in the glory of the almighty Hooter’s waitresses.

– Ryan

If Jack Del Rio Doesn’t Wear a Suit or Leather Jacket Sunday I’ll Be Severely Disappointed



I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for a coordinator to become an interim head coach. Then again, it’s not everyday that someone with Jack Del Rio’s sense of style is given this opportunity. You have to figure that the camera’s will pan to Del Rio at least 20 times Sunday, so if he wears the wrong outfit Denver might just fire him on the spot. I’d go with the dress shirt and tie, but instead of a sport coat, I’d throw on an official Denver Broncos leather jacket. It’s already a given that Denver will beat San Diego on the road, so the only thing left to focus on is Jack Del Rio’s wardrobe. I have a feeling he’s going to blow us all away.

– Ryan

P.S. There’s a 90% chance Del Rio refuses to give John Fox his job back. He’s the ultimate wildcard.

How I Fix the NBA – More Jumping

Here is an info graphic taken from

alley oops

You know what this tells me? Popovich and co. need to work on some showmanship. Basketball in recent years has taken a turn for the worst. i.e the “announcement”, anything Ron Artest does, anything Metta World Peace does, David Stern being operated internally by a small alien, and The King who cried foul. I digress. Lets spark up this NBA season and get some viewers back. 5 alley-oops over the past two years? That is unacceptable. That also goes for anyone who is putting up less than 70. Clean up your acts, move the ball, and break some backboards. Don’t make me call Jackie Mooooooon



Have No Fear Celtics Fans: Walter McCarty Is Your New Assistant Coach

Walter McCarty, who spent nearly eight seasons with the Boston Celtics during a 10-year playing career, confirmed to’s Jeff Goodman on Tuesday that he will be an assistant coach on Brad Stevens’ staff. The 39-year-old McCarty landed in Boston in October 1997 after being traded by the Knicks before his sophomore season. He emerged a fan favorite here and “I love Walter!” became a familiar catchphrase for television broadcaster Tommy Heinsohn. McCarty helped Boston to three playoff appearances from 2002-04 before being traded to Phoenix for a second-round pick midway through the 2004-05 season.  James Posey, another beloved former Celtic, and McCarty were believed to be the two top candidates to round out Stevens’ staff as it appeared he was seeking a former player. Comcast SportsNet first reported McCarty’s hiring.  McCarty joins the staff of the 36-year-old Stevens, who had previously brought on Ron Adams, a longtime NBA assistant, and Micah Shrewsberry, one of Stevens’ former assistants at Butler. Assistants Jay Larranaga and Jamie Young were carried over from Doc Rivers’ staff.  Boston ties have served McCarty well as he immersed himself in coaching. He served as an assistant under former Celtics coach Rick Pitino at the University of Louisville in 2007. McCarty moved on to be an NBA assistant under former Celtics coach Jim O’Brien in Indiana during the 2010-11 season, but was let go a season later when the Pacers hired Frank Vogel.  McCarty has been a familiar presence in Boston, often sitting courtside during games the past two seasons.” – ESPN

Perfect. Rebuilding a historic franchise? Bring in mediocre fan favorite players from the past to get the fans behind you again. I’m completely judging a book by it’s cover here, but McCarty doesn’t look like he’d be a good coach. He seems like the kind of guy who would goof around at practice then try and out drink the whole team at bars on the weekends. Maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe McCarty is the next John Wooden. All I know is the Celtics better have an oxygen tank at the announcers table for every home game because Tommy Heinsohn is going to lose his shit with Walter now on the coaching staff.

– Ryan

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