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China Built A 1,640 Foot Glass Slide On The Side Of A Mountain & NOPE

I’ll admit the view from the top of this slide is amazing. If you’re going to go through the trouble of flying all the way to China you might as well do something badass like take in that view, but there is no way in hell I’m going down that slide. First of all, it must take you FOREVER to reach the bottom. At a certain point you’re no longer a thrill seeker. You’re just a person stuck on a slide. Second of all, I’m sure China has some fantastic engineers but I get the feeling they really don’t give a shit if somebody flies off the side of this slide. There’s almost 1.5 billion people that live there. Do you think the government cares if a few fall of a slide and into a never ending crevasse? I doubt it. Breathtaking view? Sure. Bottomless fall to your death? Might as well be a certainty.

-Ryan

H/T Travel & Leisure

Sun Ming Ming Is The Most Intimidating Person I’ve Ever Laid Eyes On

You can’t see the caption of this picture, but The Rock is 6’5 255. That is a large human being. Sun Ming Ming makes The Rock look like a child on steroids. I honestly can’t stop looking at this picture. He doesn’t seem like a real person. He’s also apparently a basketball player. That seems fair to everyone else.

– Ryan

Note to Self: Don’t Get the Calamari If You Go to China

Condom PartyA Chinese diner who thought her calamari was too chewy was disgusted to find out it was actually a condom.

Mai Liang was halfway through her seafood-dish at an Anhui province restaurant when she discovered the “rubbery” ring was actually a rubber.

“Imagine my horror when I turned it over with my fork and it turned out to be a contraceptive,” she told Metro.

“It was disgusting. My first horrific thought was: Is it used?” she told Metro.

Sickened to her stomach, she complained to staff.

Boss Yi Ze Teng arrived and angrily accused her of planting the prophylactic in her food to get a free meal.

Teng then reportedly said that she would eat the condom if they left the matter. And she did.

Liang said she was now talking to lawyers and may sue the restaurant.

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I’m not sure who’s side to take in this story. Obviously seeing a condom in your calamari is bad. I understand that. But if you go to China and order calamari you’re asking for trouble. Maybe not condom trouble, but some kind of trouble. Calamari is at the absolute bottom of the list of foods I’d eat in China. You know what’s on the top of that list? Literally everything else. If I was a Chinese chef who spent my whole life perfecting the art of sushi and wantons and I saw a calamari slip come through my kitchen I’d probably throw a condom in there too. That’s like going to a nice Italian restaurant and ordering dumpling soup. Complete disrespect and this chef wasn’t tolerating it. How about this psychopathic owner eating part of the condom? What point is she trying to prove? That condoms belong in calamari and are indeed tasty? I’d love to say this a power move but its too disgusting for that. Moral of the story is don’t order calamari in China, and don’t challenge Yi Ze Teng’s authority. She’ll eat a condom all over your face.

– Ryan

 

I Think Working in a Chinese Factory Takes the Cake for Worst Job on the Planet

Source – Chinese zoo keepers managed to save the life of a mentally disturbed man after he announced he wanted to improve the lives of caged tigers at a local zoo by offering them his own body to eat.

Yang Jinhai, 27, had posted several online messages about how optimistic he was about starting a new life after getting a job as a security guard in Chengdu in southwest China’s Sichuan province.

But he quickly found the job boring and monotonous and moved instead to a job in a printing factory where he also then resigned, saying that he felt there was more to life.

 

How bad is working at a printing factory in China? It must be the worst thing in the world because I can’t think of any other reason for a human being to hang out in a tiger cage and wait to get mauled to death. That’s a pretty shitty way to go. I never put “mauled to death by tigers” on my list of the worst ways to die because that thought never even entered my mind. Drowning and getting set on fire are definitely day ruiners, but willingly sacrificing yourself to the tiger Gods is on another level. And any job that drives its employees to do this has to be the worst job on the face of the Earth.

– Ryan

Chinese Walmarts Are Really Splitting Hairs These Days

Source – Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world’s largest retailer, has recalled donkey meat sold at some outlets in China after tests showed the product contained the DNA of other animals, the US company said.

Wal-Mart will reimburse customers who bought the tainted “Five Spice” donkey meat and is helping local food and industry agencies in eastern Shandong province investigate its Chinese supplier, it said late on Wednesday in official posts on China’s Twitter-like Weibo. The Shandong Food and Drug Administration earlier said the product contained fox meat.

The scandal could dent Wal-Mart’s reputation for quality in China’s $1 trillion food and grocery market where it plans to open 110 new stores in the next few years. China is the largest grocery market in the world and is set to grow to $1.5 trillion by 2016, according to the Institute of Grocery Distribution.

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Donkey meat. Fox meat. Human meat. What’s the difference? If you’re shopping for “five spice” donkey meat at a Walmart in China getting some fox meat mixed in there is the least of your worries. Apparently people who eat donkey meat are very picky. Walmart wants to throw some other animal DNA in there and all of a sudden there’s a huge uproar. Have you seen some of the stuff they sell at Chinese Walmarts? Crocodiles, rib cages, turtles. If you’re going in there looking for food you have to expect the worst. Tis’ the life of a Chinese Walmart shopper.

– Ryan

Check Out The Movie Poster a Chinese Movie Theater Used to Promote Thor 2

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If China wants to turn Thor 2 into a brotherly romance let them do it. Brother on brother superhero action is what sells in 2013. Natalie Portman post baby does not do it for the Chinese audience. Give the people what they want!

– Ryan

China Says Sprite is the Best Hangover Cure. In Unrelated News I Just Bought a Lifetime Supply of Sprite

(Source) “Most of us are familiar with the pounding headaches, drowsiness, stomach-turning nausea and “did-I-get-run-over-by-a-bus” sensation that comes with that most dreaded of morning-after ailments: the hangover.

To alleviate the suffering, chugging coffee, downing Advil or simply choosing to forego the wretched day altogether by returning to bed sometimes does the trick. But what if there were a miracle elixir that could chase that hangover cloud away — and better still, what if that magic drink were something you could easily pick up at your local supermarket?

A group of Chinese researchers say that they may have indeed found this perfect hangover cure — and it goes by the name of “Sprite.”

After examining 57 beverages in a lab, researcher Hua-Bin Li and his colleagues at Sun Yat-Sen University in Guangzhou determined that Sprite was one of the drinks that best relieved hangover symptoms.

The team of scientists had hypothesized that what you consume after drinking booze could alter the effect of alcohol on your body. Specifically, they theorized that certain drinks could impact the body’s metabolism of alcohol in a way that would help alleviate hangover symptoms.”

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This is an example of a story where no research is needed on my part. If China says sprite is the best hangover cure then sprite is the best hangover cure. I don’t need to know the science behind it. I don’t need to know how many other soda’s were tested. China says jump, I say how high. My biggest worry used to be how I’d survive Saturday and Sunday morning without trying to hit myself in the head with a hammer. Now all I have to do is buy a case of sprite and drink until I feel better. I must say, I’m going to miss experimenting with different methods on weekend mornings to cure my hangover. I don’t care how much research you do, nothing cures a morning hangover quite like a delicious Bloody Mary.

– Ryan

P.S. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I’ve figured out the group of people I hate the most. It’s the people who say “why don’t you don’t drink less if you don’t like being hungover?”. Why don’t you shut your whorish mouth and let me live my life and complain.

Justin Bieber Made His Bodyguards Carry Him Up The Great Wall of China

Via Buzzfeed.

 

What an asshole. I mean yeah making other humans carry you up a giant wall is pretty ideal but Ryan Eugene Fogarty does not give Justin Bieber credit for anything. Just like my daddy and his daddy before him. We’re a proud folk, and we hate Justin Bieber. He honestly might be the biggest douchebag in the world. I’ve never had so much hatred for a person I’ve never met before, and I’ve never felt so right for doing it.

– Ryan

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