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Melissa North Leads the Weirdest/Saddest Life I’ve Ever Heard Of

SourceA 22-year-old student who is so terrified of cheese she is unable to walk past the supermarket counter in case she bursts into tears has spoken of how her phobia blights her everyday life.

Melissa North, from Herne Bay, Kent, said she developed the phobia at the age of four, but she is now so terrified of the dairy product the mere sight of it can bring her out in a cold sweat.

The illustration and visual communications student said family and friends tease her for the fear, which has seen her stay away from the food ever since she was given it at a friend’s house when she was a child.

She said: ‘Walking past a deli counter in a supermarket is really difficult for me. I get so clammy and start to have a panic attack.

‘It just looks awful – so gooey and disgusting – it makes me feel sick.

‘My friends and family think it’s hilarious but it’s really awful. I hate going near the stuff, and seeing people eat it is horrendous.

‘Touching or eating cheese for me is like someone who is scared of spiders holding a tarantula. It’s terrifying.’

Ms North said she has stayed away from the dairy product ever since she was given cheese on toast at a friend’s house when she was a child.

She said: ‘It tasted horrible but my parents had always taught me to finish what was on my plate – I didn’t want to be rude so I had no choice but to eat it.

WTF? Montage

I tried to follow along with this article but I just don’t understand. Melissa North is not allergic to cheese. She doesn’t have a medical condition that prohibits her from eating cheese. Her grandfather didn’t die in a tragic cheese accident. She’s just deathly afraid of it. Friends and family are teasing her for being deathly afraid of cheese? Well I’d hope they are, because this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. I can’t trust someone who has never felt the warm embrace of melted pepper jack cheese on a hamburger, or the sweet nectar of mozzarella cheese on top of a piece of chicken parmigiana. If you don’t like cheese, you’re weird, but I understand it. If you’re deathly afraid of cheese, you’re insane.

– Ryan

Erotic Cream Cheese Massage: Yay or Nay?

(Source) “Malaysian “spas” are dispensing with massage oil in favor of cream cheese in a kinky new offering in the country’s bustling erotic massage industry.

The weekend edition of the Malay-language Harian Metro said reporters from the tabloid discovered that some spas near the capital Kuala Lumpur were offering customers the option of being smeared with cream cheese.

The cheese is then licked from the customer’s body by their scantily-clad “masseuse,” usually a likely sex worker from China, Indonesia or Vietnam, the paper said on Sunday in what it billed as an investigative report on the sex industry.

Prostitution is illegal in predominantly Muslim Malaysia, where conservative attitudes toward sex prevail.

But the country’s media regularly portray a thriving sex industry involving prostitutes from China, Vietnam, Thailand and other less-developed countries in the region, and often disguised as massage operations.

In a follow-up report on Monday, Harian Metro quoted an official in the Kuala Lumpur suburb Subang Jaya, where a spa was reportedly offering the cheese treatment, as saying massage parlors would face stern action if found to be offering “irresponsible activities”.

“This activity is a serious disease in today’s society,” said Subang Jaya town council official Azfarizal Abdul Rashid.

Most Malaysians are relatively conservative Muslim ethnic Malays but the country also has sizable ethnic Chinese and Indian communities.

Police raids on prostitution operations are a staple of tabloids like Harian Metro, but authorities are widely viewed to generally turn a blind eye to the industry’s activities.”

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On the one hand the thought of chinese sex workers licking cream cheese off my body is kind of repulsing. On the other hand, if I’m going to one of these Malaysian massage parlors and someone offers me a cream cheese massage I’m going to have a hard time saying no. How do you say no to that? I’m not proud of a lot of things I’ve done but i don’t want to be known as the guy who turned down a cream cheese massage. I’d become the laughing stock of the entire nation. I wouldn’t want to be the initiator, but if it’s put on my plate I’m going to eat it. Hopefully the terrible diseases that I’d 100% get from the sex workers will be worth it.

– Ryan

Kenny Rackers, Making America Proud From 4,000 Miles Away

There are American sports heroes and then there is Kenny Rackers.  Kenny Rackers, a small town kid from Colorado Springs who a had a big dream.  His dream, win the 200 year old Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling Contest (which an American had never done before).  Just in case you have never heard of this event let me paint you a picture. The event is held every year at Cooper’s Hill in the UK.  Contestants start at the top of this extremely steep hill and chase a cheese wheel down it. First one to the bottom to capture the cheese is the winner.  This event is so dangerous that in 2010 it was officially shut down.  However, this didn’t stop rebels from all over Europe, and the world, from continuing the odd dairy tradition.  This is where Kenny Rackers comes in…

Kenny, an American collegiate athlete, and had been training for this race from the day he put it on his bucket list in college.  He is a physical specimen to say the least.   He traveled 4,600 miles so that he could be crowned as the first American to ever capture the cheese.  But there is more to Kenny than just cheese wheels, America flag jumpsuits, and big hills.  He is using his experience at the cheese race to inspire others to get off their asses and achieve their goals!  To stop the excuses that you create for yourself and to go out and DO!  And that is just what Kenny Rackers did on the 27th of May, 2013.  The cheese was released, and Kenny was off.  Down the hill he ran, fell, and stumbled until he reached the bottom to capture the cheese for AMERICA!

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Look at that jumpsuit! He knows he’s better than everyone on that hill and he is just rubbing their faces in it.
(Click here for the full video)

The single greatest thing I love about America is our drive to be the best.  Kenny Rackers had a dream, and what did he do? He went out and absolutely crushed it.  Bravo, Kenny.

P.S. There is also a race at the beginning of the day… up the hill.  Guess who won.

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