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Comedian in Cars Getting Coffee – Season 3 – January 2nd!

Patton Oswalt, Louie CK, Tina Fey, Jay Leno…and the list goes on! Cannot wait to get pour myself a hot cup of joe and pretend i’m there, with them!

-Matt

PS- I can’t imagine how Jerry will impress the king of cars, Jay Leno…but I know he will.

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3 Cars That Get My Heart Racing

Ferrari F40

_8308531_origThe Ferrari F40 is easily one of the most recognized cars the world over. 0-60 in 4 seconds? Check. Head-turning curves? Check. Purrs like a kitten on acid? Double check. Even though this beauty stopped being manufactured in 1992, the Ferrari F40 has a timeless look that will never go out of style.

Toyota Corolla AE86 ae86The 86′ Corolla hatchback aka The Panda. This car is known around the world as a legendary Japanese drift car. People love the tiny form factor and light weight that make it an idea on the track racer. As for me? I just like that way it looks. Something about the hatch and the slant of the hood is very appealing to me. Not to mention the two-tone paint scheme. I love me some two-tone. I know it might sound weird, with so many other cars out there, but I would be more than happy to have one of these in my garage.

Mustang GT500 Fastback 1967-ford-mustang-gt-500Last, but never least, is the 1967 Mustang GT500 fastback aka Eleanor. First thing i’d like to say about this car is that over the years it has become all to common to see these at car shows and auctions, but that doesn’t change anything for me. The only change that I would make to the classic “Eleanor look” would be to paint the car flat black and keep the glossy black racing stripes. Just a perfect car inside and out.

-MattyV

Honorable Mentions
• Subaru WRX STi
• Acura NSX
• 1969 GTO
• 1970 Barracuda 440

Edward Smith Has a Fever, and the Only Prescription is Having Sex with Cars

(Source) “Edward Smith’s love life has been in overdrive for the last 48 years.

By his count, he’s had more than 1,000 sex partners — but only one of those was actually human.

Smith, 63, is a “mechaphile,” the term for someone sexually attracted to planes, trains and automobiles.

Oh, and helicopters too. He once had a quickie with a copter used in the TV series “Airwolf.”

“Some guys look at boobs and bums on beautiful women. I look at the front and rear on beautiful cars,” he said, according to the Mirror.

But Smith is no longer driven to have sex with just any car. He says his joyriding days are over and that he is committed to “Vanilla,” a Volkswagen Beetle he purchased 30 years ago.

“When I hold Vanilla in my arms there’s a powerful energy that comes from her in response to that,” he said in an interview with Barcroft TV. “If anything was to happen to her I would be more than heartbroken.”

Smith isn’t completely shifting into monogamy. He says he also has flings with a 1973 Opel GT named “Cinnamon,” and an 1993 Ford Ranger by the name of “Splash,” according to OddityCentral.

“Mechaphilia” is a unique fetish, but Smith claims he’s not alone in his intense love of machinery. He estimates there are at least 500 guys in the world also keyed into sex with cars, according to Time.com.

“When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it,” he told the Telegraph. “I didn’t fully understand it myself except that I know I’m not hurting anyone and I do not intend to.”

So Edward Smith not only exists, but he’s free to roam the Earth, having sex with every car he lays his eyes on. There’s disturbing news then there’s this. I really don’t understand why this guy isn’t in a mental institution, because if there’s one guy who’s potentially a danger to society it’s the guy who fucks cars. I guess this technically isn’t a crime but can’t we just build a bubble around this guy with a bunch of cars so he can just go to town? I’d say we could helicopter food in but apparently he has sex with those too. Maybe shoot food down a long tube so he doesn’t starve. Pretty much do anything but interview this guy who “hasn’t hurt anyone and doesn’t intend to”. If that doesn’t keep you up at night then I don’t know what will.

– Ryan

P.S. Are we supposed to be okay with this because he’s finally settled down and is only going to have sex with one car now? That actually makes me more nervous.

From Now On I’m Only Traveling Via DeLorean’s

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Some people wake up and live an average, 9-5 type of life. Then there’s Rick Weissensel. Rick makes people’s dreams come true. Now that I’ve found him and his marvelous creations, I think it’s only right that I go into horrible debt and purchase everything he makes. Heading to the mall? I think I’ll take my DeLorean Hummer. Got an exclusive lake party/polo match to attend? Seems only right to take my DeLorean stretch limousine. If I ever want to be a royal asshole and ruin everyone’s perfect beach day I can take my DeLorean hovercraft right into the Atlantic Ocean. As a Back To The Future Fan and general lover of Michael J. Fox, this is a dream come true. Someone needs to push Rick to make a DeLorean airplane. That’s when the real fun starts.

– Ryan

P.S. What a Monday. I’ve discovered I’m a lake person and found my new mode of transportation. That’s what I call a boom baby.

Whatchu Know About Gymkhana?

Ken Block Gymkhana 5 San Francisco HQ Recut from André Zickerick on Vimeo.

Ok, so these videos have been around for a while now, but they are still awesome.  Ken Block is a mad scientist behind the wheel of his Ford Fiesta.  How much convincing at Mayor Taveras’s office would it take to let me do this in Providence? A man can dream.

-MattyV

As Far as the Future is Concerned, Color Me Ecstatic!

NASA is now leasing out its shuttle launch pad to commercial operators. I absolutely cannot wait until I make my millions, rent this bad boy for a night and have an absolute rager. Just dancing the night away on a piece of American history that has supported 90 space missions since 1967. And when NASA is wondering what exactly I’ll be launching off of this pad, my answer will be my brand new 2015 flying car that is currently promised to be on the market in less than two years. The future is here people and damn is it exciting.

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These cars/jets are said to be able to take off vertically, you know what that means? Fuck traffic and, more importantly, road blocks. “Oh traffic ahead? No worries”. I’ll just push this button and boom I’m 200 feet up flipping off the conventional motorists with their puny land-dwelling Ferraris and Porches heading to my birthday party/rager at Cape Canaveral!

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Leave your keys at the door people, because if driving drunk is a bad idea, I have to imagine flying drunk is about a million times worse.

-Sean Lite-

P.S. With one of these bad boys in my garage, I’ll be afraid of lobsters when they sprout wings.

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