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Nicolas Cage Tiny Face is Haunting My Dreams

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I stumbled across this on Twitter last night. Needless to say I haven’t slept and kind of wish my eyes would fall out of my head. I don’t know who thinks up these things but please stop. Nicolas Cage already has the appeal of a creepy clown. His Tiny face is too much.

– Ryan

I Think Working in a Chinese Factory Takes the Cake for Worst Job on the Planet

Source – Chinese zoo keepers managed to save the life of a mentally disturbed man after he announced he wanted to improve the lives of caged tigers at a local zoo by offering them his own body to eat.

Yang Jinhai, 27, had posted several online messages about how optimistic he was about starting a new life after getting a job as a security guard in Chengdu in southwest China’s Sichuan province.

But he quickly found the job boring and monotonous and moved instead to a job in a printing factory where he also then resigned, saying that he felt there was more to life.

 

How bad is working at a printing factory in China? It must be the worst thing in the world because I can’t think of any other reason for a human being to hang out in a tiger cage and wait to get mauled to death. That’s a pretty shitty way to go. I never put “mauled to death by tigers” on my list of the worst ways to die because that thought never even entered my mind. Drowning and getting set on fire are definitely day ruiners, but willingly sacrificing yourself to the tiger Gods is on another level. And any job that drives its employees to do this has to be the worst job on the face of the Earth.

– Ryan

I’m Here To Set The Record Straight About Separated Shoulders

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Demaryius Thomas managed to set the Super Bowl record for receptions, despite sustaining a separated shoulder in the first quarter. -SBNation.com

Ok, so this story about D. Thomas playing through most of the Super Bowl with a separated shoulder is just starting to gain steam on the interment, and while the feat is a testament to the mental and physical toughness of this tremendous athlete I need to set the record straight.

He didn’t throw himself off a steel cage and through a table to separate the shoulder, and then, after fighting his way off a stretcher, climb back to the top of the cage (fucked up shoulder and all) to get choke slammed through the cage onto his back. He just didn’t. Apples and oranges. This might be the only spot in WWE history that Vince had no part of that made the show BETTER…….Who am I kidding, Vince knows everything.

-Matt

Nicolas Cage Can Not Be Stopped From Making Horrible Movies

You know when Funny or Die or Jimmy Kimmel make spoof trailers? That’s what the trailer for Tokarev looks like, except it’s a real movie. The daughter of a reformed bad guy is killed due to the sins of her father. He wants vengeance, but he swore years ago he was finished with his life of crime. Does he seek revenge and risk exposing his secrets, or does he let the bad men from his past get away? If you showed me this trailer blindfolded and asked me who the leading man was I’d guess Nicolas Cage in a millisecond. He just can’t help himself. He’s the anti DiCaprio. Leo hasn’t made a bad movie in forever. Every script he attaches himself to turns into gold. Cage, on the other hand, just continues to make horrible movies. Honest question: if he never starred in Con Air or the National Treasure movies, would he be the worst actor in human history? My vote is yes. I can’t wait for Matt to see this movie and love it.

– Ryan

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