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079 Virtual Happy Hour

My beloved Buccaneers nearly killed me yesterday

This is something I should be used to…something that should brush off my shoulder, roll off my back, keep moving without missing a beat. I didn’t think the Buccaneers still had the power to destroy me. Boy was I wrong.

Picture my Sunday afternoon like this: Bruce Arians is Pennywise, living down in the sewers, leading idiot fans (like myself) to their deaths with the idea of a 2-1 start on top of the NFC South.

I’m stuffing my face with hot dogs and chips as the Bucs play a nearly perfect first half of football. I’m feeling good, great even. Then I hear a whisper from out in the street. My windows were open yesterday during the games, it was nice out. It’s PennyBruce, he’s calling from the storm drain.

I look down into the sewer with wanting eyes. “This is it! Jameis has found his rhythm….The Bucs have changed…Maybe they’ll talk about us on SportsCenter this week…Mike Evans’ prime won’t be squandered!”

“Come closer Matt! Have you seen Shaq Barrett? He’s awesome!”, the clown brags–It doesn’t matter, I’ve already taken the bait.

Next thing I know I’m being dragged into the sewers. Jameis throws a pick, my arm gets bitten off. “3 and out, 3 and out, 3 and out”, the demented clown starts to chant. I’ve lost the will to live by the time Daniel Jones runs it in to put them ahead.

I let the other side take me as the field goal attempt soars far outside the right post. I wish I could tell you it was painful, but it wasn’t—I was numb. I had seen this story before.

I slump back on my couch.

Death, taxes and the Buccaneers blowing a second half lead.


Maybe I’ll be back later this week with a more positive outlook. Maybe I won’t.

028 Hard Knocks, Nintendo Blew It and Ryan Got Engaged!

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were selected for HBO’s Hard Knocks, The 49ers at the second pick in the NFL draft, Nintendo broke our hearts, Matt has a serious gripe with Kickstarter and Ryan got engaged! Leave a voicemail at 401-285-8120 | Twitter – | Instagram – | Facebook – | Website – http://www.averagenobodies.comMerch –

** UPDATE** My Bucs have been selected for HBO’s Hard Knocks


It’s about damn time, and I say that because I feel like the Bucs are in the conversation for this show every year. I can remember back to when Freeman was at the helm and HBO came a [Hard] Knockin’. They were ultimately shooed away; largely impart to our no nonsense head coach, Greg Schiano. Thank god they didn’t document that season for the whole world to see.

22486360351_5b23ff0e93_bBut now, the Bucs are a team I am proud to show off. They have a young, talented leader in Jameis Winston (Helps that he’s a super charismatic goofball), a young, on-the-rise defense and a coach who has proved that the Bucs don’t need to be bad for the world to keep spinning. The skeptics of this show, aka the haters who say “my team doesn’t need that distraction”, can kick rocks this year. I don’t always get to watch my Bucs on TV, so a weekly TV show starring all my favorite athletes is like Christmas morning over and over and over again.

Am I worried about guys showing off for the cameras? Nope. They are going to be showing off during the offseason one way or another, so might as well be in a controlled environment and not a strip club with some band substances and a hooker or two. Maybe the cameras will keep these guys dedicated or maybe the season will end in a fiery disaster. As a Bucs fan I’m more prepared for the latter, but I’m weirdly optimistic Hard Knocks will set the tone for the season to come. Let the media monsters take the Bucs and bring them into everyones homes week in and week out.


Dirk Koetter Gets A Promotion – I’m Indifferent


I honestly wake up every morning forgetting that Lovie Smith isn’t the coach anymore. I didn’t even like him that much, i’m just super forgetful. I guess if we were going to have to pick a new coach…I would have gone with Josh McDaniels, but Koetter is a close second. He seems like him and Winston get a along pretty well, so that’s a good sign. He helped turned the team around from a 29th ranked offense to a 5th ranked offense. He has blonde hair…I don’t know, I don’t have much to say about him. We will have to wait for the season to see how I really feel about him. If he can keep the momentum that Winston built up all year then I think this team will continue to grow.

I can say this, it’s good to have a guy who enjoys visors back in pewter and red.


The Bucs Fired Lovie Smith….Wait, What?


Not at all the headline I was expecting coming out of the Buc’s camp on a quiet Wednesday night….but I’m fine….this is fine….we’re going to be fine…

Let’s take a look at Lovie’s first two years as Buccaneers head coach.

First year. Team goes 2-14. Not great, but there was a lot to be excited about. A young stud receiver in Mike Evans (who made Josh McCown and Mike Glennon look like all-stars), bright spots all around the defense and a coach that knows how to get a lot out of his players.

Second year. The Bucs win 6 games and move their lowly 29th ranked offense into the 5th spot. Jameis Winston comes on strong in his first season, breaking every Buccaneer rookie QB record and finishing 3rd all-time for passing yards from a rookie QB (behind Cam Newton and Andrew Luck).The Defense has finally woken up from its long slumber and started to make plays, they moved from 25th to 10th YPG.

But yeah, let’s fire Lovie.

P.S.- If this is true, unclassy as HELL.

The NFC South Got in a GIF War This Morning on Twitter

Here is how it went down.







The Saints coming in hot, like a bunch of psychos, with the Tommy Pickles GIF. I am a little disappointed in my Bucs here. Clearly the Falcons got the better of them in this battle. The key to winning a titter war is strike first and strike hard. If you can’t strike first, then just strike hard. They didn’t strike first here and their strike back was weak. “Mean Girls” GIFs are funny and plentiful…and you picked that one? They redeemed themselves with the Ace Ventura tutu scene though.


Welcome to Tampa, Jameis Winston!


The hero Tampa needs and deserves is finally home! James Winston was taken first, overall, by the Buccaneers in last night’s NFL draft. Including Jameis, the Bucs have taken five QBs in the first round, two, including Winston, came with the first overall pick (The other being Vinny Testaverde). If you look at some other franchises in the NFL, COUGH COUGH Browns COUGH COUCH…..(See what I did there), that isn’t that bad. In their 40 years as a franchise they have 1 Super Bowl, 1 NFC title, and 3 Hall of Famers. All of these accolades in the VERY distant past. tempSEL_0036--nfl_mezz_1280_1024Since 2006 the Bucs have been perennially at the bottle of the barrel when it comes to performance. Regardless of star performers over the years they could never get it together; In steps Jameis Winston to save the day. We have the offense in place that could do damage in this heavy passing league the NFL has become, and I feel that Jameis will be right at home, literally and figuratively, in Raymond James Stadium. He has the fans behind him, which was something that couldn’t be said for other Bucs first rounders, like Josh Freeman.

Josh Freeman was a gamble in the 2009, coming in at the 3rd QB taken that year (Behind Sanchez and Stafford) the majority of Tampa Bay fans didn’t see him as the answer. It showed, as Freeman had one of the most img23662107roller coaster-like careers in Buccaneers history. Fan attendance wavered, even when the team was winning, and you could feel the disapproval in the air of our then signal caller, Freeman. A lot of people gave, and still give, Freeman shit for never fully developing into the QB he could have been. I’ll tell you what, 3 coaches, 3 offensive coordinators, a couple QB coaches, and a fan base that despised you didn’t help.

Fast foraward a few years, jameis-winstonpast the bright spots (Glennon) and the dark spots (McCown) and we have a team, a city, and a fan base that is ready for a first round quarterback. Jameis Winston will hopefully click with the youngish offense that we have in place and take this franchise to the next level. If Mike Evans can pull in 13 TDs from the likes for Glennon and McCown then there is no reason he can’t click with Jaboo.

I think the rest of the NFL draft will be crucial for the Bucs. They need to address multiple concerns on the offensive and defensive line as well as solve some depth issues at cornerback and wide receiver. I put all my faith in Lovie and Licht.


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PS- How good does he look in Pewter and Red


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