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Keanu Reeves Can’t Stop Women From Breaking Into His House & Relaxing/Getting Naked

NEO Perhaps Keanu Reeves should reevaluate his home security system.

After a woman broke into the “Matrix” star’s house and was found reclining in his library room earlier this month, another woman was reportedly arrested for taking a shower and skinny-dipping in his pool two days later.

Police officers responded to a 911 call and were called to the “47 Ronin” actor’s home on Sept. 12, after reports of a burglary. Reeves, 50, told cops he was sleeping until he “heard a noise” coming from the library, the L.A. Times reported.

A woman, reportedly in her 40s and “behaving erratically,” was found sitting in a chair in the book room, the Times reports. She was taken to a medical facility to be evaluated but was not arrested.

Two days later another woman apparently waltzed into the actor’s Hollywood Hills pad — making herself right at home by getting naked, taking a shower and skinny-dipping in the pool — after entering through an unlocked door.

You never want people breaking into your house, but if you are going to have it done, these are some pretty ideal situations. The first woman just hangs out in his “book room”, which I’m assuming is fancy talk for a library. The second woman, refusing to be upstaged, gets naked, takes a shower and goes skinny dipping in his pool. Two things here: 1. Keanu has the best home invaders of all time and 2. Maybe Keanu should start beefing up his home security. It’s all fun and games when women are coming over and getting naked, but it’s only a matter of time before a guy named Hank breaks in and makes a skin coat out of Keanu’s epidermis. Nobody wants that Keanu.

– Ryan

Bears Are Taking Over New Hampshire And There Is Nothing Us Humans Can Do About It

Ya hear that Ed? — Wildlife officials in New Hampshire believe a bear is to blame for a series of recent car break-ins.

The New Hampshire Fish and Game Department says several cars have been broken into over the last few weeks in the same North Conway neighborhood. Officials say the likely culprit is a bear looking for food.

Terry Leavitt tells WMUR-TV (http://bit.ly/1ohNvNO ) the radio was pulled out of her dashboard. The interior was ripped apart and a window was smashed. Other residents also reported similar damage.

Conway police Sgt. George Walker says it’s a common occurrence this time of year as bears stop hibernating and search for food. And the suspect description is always the same: “black and furry.”

Looks like we got some real Einsteins patrolling the mean streets of North Conway, Hampshire. You THINK bears are responsible? A bear and a human do not look similar, so if the suspect description is “black and furry” there’s a solid chance that a bear is breaking into these cars. This could be phase one of the bears eventual takeover of New Hampshire. If you’ve never been to North Conway, it’s basically just a town in the middle of the wilderness. If a bear wants to attack you your pretty much done. If I were a bear this is how I’d start the takeover. The only advantage humans have over bears is our modes of transportations. We can get in our car and drive to safety, but if it’s a foot race between a hungry bear and a fat human that bear is winning that battle 10 out of 10 times. At least we have the intelligent cops of North Conway to protect us. The same cops who aren’t 100% sure that something described as “black and furry” is a bear. Humanity is in good hands.

– Ryan

 

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