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If You Want to Marry Brooke Hogan You Have to Put Up with the Insanity That is Hulk Hogan

BrotherHulk Hogan isn’t messing around these days, even when it comes to his daughter’s love life.

Hogan, a 12-time World Champion wrestling icon, apparently was responsible for the breakup between his daughter, Brooke, and former Dallas Cowboys center Phil Costa.

Costa and Brooke split up in November after getting engaged in June, as the WWE legend’s daughter said she wanted to focus on her music career.

As Hulk Hogan told 105.3 The Fan, though, music might have not been the real reason for the breakup.

“I love the Dallas Cowboys, been a fan forever,” Hogan said. “But my daughter was engaged to one of those guys and he didn’t walk the walk and talk the talk. I put a bullet in that really quick. There was no way my daughter was going to marry somebody that I don’t like, that got me mad or has got in my face.”

This begs the question: who would dare get in Hulk Hogan’s face?

“There was a little run in with only one of the Cowboys,” Hogan said. “But you know what, he knew better than to step up, ’cause he would have gotten slammed just like Andre the Giant.”

A lot of the old time wrestlers have trouble separating the character they played on screen from their actual self because back before the internet wrestling was still sort of real. Well no one is more delusional when it comes to distinguishing between the man and the character more than Hulk Hogan. He’s been in the news a lot lately now that’s he’s back with WWE and was apart of WrestleMania 30, and I swear to Bill Paxton he ends every interview with threatening to body slam somebody. That’s not the man Terry Bollea talking. You don’t body slam people in real life. It’s a very illogical fighting technique. But Hulk Hogan? He’ll body slam your ass in a millisecond. The best part is that Hogan doesn’t even care if it makes sense. You want to date his daughter? Well don’t get in Hogan’s face or else, you guessed it, he’s going to body slam you. Just pick you up off the ground and slam you to the ground. He is so delightfully insane it’s a joy to follow. Never  change, Hulkster.

– Ryan

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My Favorite Sketch From Andy Samberg’s SNL: The Return of the Vogelcheck’s

Andy Samberg returned to his roots Saturday night to host the season finale of SNL, and he brought just about every old cast member he ever performed with along for the ride. Seth Meyers, Bill Hader, Maya Rudolph, Kristen Wiig, Fred Armisen and everybody’s favorite host, Paul Rudd. The show as a whole was very good, including two weirdly funny digital shorts and a killer Weekend Update. It’s tough to rank any of those sketches over the return of America’s First family of kissing: The Vogelcheck’s. This was one of my favorite recurring sketches with the old cast, and by far the most awkward to watch, which somehow makes it more charming. The whole crew joined Samberg for this sketch, including Fred Armisen and Kristen Wiig as Mr. and Mrs. Vogelcheck, and Bill Hader and Paul Rudd as his over affectionate older brothers. Even Kate McKinnon got in on the fun, playing grandma Vogelcheck. SNL used this sketch to address the over publicized Michael Sam kiss on ESPN. Enjoy.

– Ryan

Another One Bites the Dust: Alex Morgan is Engaged

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I learned a long time ago that unless I want my kids physical peak to be an outfielder in men’s league softball I’d have to marry someone with some athletic ability. Alex Morgan was always on the top of that list. She’s a bonafide 10, and I looked forward to all the ketchup fights we were going to have together. Then she goes and gets engaged and completely pulls the rug out from under me. Coming out of left field with this longtime boyfriend/engagement crap. I guess my dreams of marrying an Olympic athlete will have to be put on hold a bit longer. Oh and Servando, if that is your real name, I have a little message for you..

-Ryan

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