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033 Body Slam Politics, Archer, Wonder Woman Screening

Talk to us on twitter – @AverageNobodies || Read our blog – www.averagenobodies.com || Leave us a voicemail – 401-285-8120 || Matt – @MattFromRi

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If You Want to Marry Brooke Hogan You Have to Put Up with the Insanity That is Hulk Hogan

BrotherHulk Hogan isn’t messing around these days, even when it comes to his daughter’s love life.

Hogan, a 12-time World Champion wrestling icon, apparently was responsible for the breakup between his daughter, Brooke, and former Dallas Cowboys center Phil Costa.

Costa and Brooke split up in November after getting engaged in June, as the WWE legend’s daughter said she wanted to focus on her music career.

As Hulk Hogan told 105.3 The Fan, though, music might have not been the real reason for the breakup.

“I love the Dallas Cowboys, been a fan forever,” Hogan said. “But my daughter was engaged to one of those guys and he didn’t walk the walk and talk the talk. I put a bullet in that really quick. There was no way my daughter was going to marry somebody that I don’t like, that got me mad or has got in my face.”

This begs the question: who would dare get in Hulk Hogan’s face?

“There was a little run in with only one of the Cowboys,” Hogan said. “But you know what, he knew better than to step up, ’cause he would have gotten slammed just like Andre the Giant.”

A lot of the old time wrestlers have trouble separating the character they played on screen from their actual self because back before the internet wrestling was still sort of real. Well no one is more delusional when it comes to distinguishing between the man and the character more than Hulk Hogan. He’s been in the news a lot lately now that’s he’s back with WWE and was apart of WrestleMania 30, and I swear to Bill Paxton he ends every interview with threatening to body slam somebody. That’s not the man Terry Bollea talking. You don’t body slam people in real life. It’s a very illogical fighting technique. But Hulk Hogan? He’ll body slam your ass in a millisecond. The best part is that Hogan doesn’t even care if it makes sense. You want to date his daughter? Well don’t get in Hogan’s face or else, you guessed it, he’s going to body slam you. Just pick you up off the ground and slam you to the ground. He is so delightfully insane it’s a joy to follow. Never  change, Hulkster.

– Ryan

Sumo Match Has Fat Guy Swag Turned Up To 1,000

A vicious body slam by the big man! Before I even hit play on this video I knew the outcome. One guy clearly has sumo in his blood and the other, well the other is just some fat white guy. There is a HUGE difference between sumo wrestlers and fat guys. Sumo wrestlers are trained killing machines, while fat people are trained to kill vending machines. Big difference. Nothing against this dudes fat guy swag though. Maybe sumo just isn’t your thing.

-MattyV

PS- I need this video with the JR voice over. “MAHHHHH GODDDD ALLLMMIIIGGHHHTTYYYY”

Body slam touchdown! Football players to wrestlers

Don’t sleep on the WWE. Last week Hall of Famer Jim Ross met with the NFLPA concerning a potential deal that would see ex NFL players have the chance to join the sports entertainment company. This is a smart move for multiple reasons. The physical build of NFL athletes and WWE superstars are very similar. While I’m aware wrestling is fake, the mindset needed to excel in these fields are also very similar. Throw in the fact that many former football players, including The Rock, Ron Simmons and Bill Goldberg, have become household wrestling names, and you have a recipe for success. In case you didn’t know, the Average Nobodies are huge football and wrestling fans. Once we heard the news of a possible collaboration, we sprinted to the liquor store, grabbed personal 30s, and started to develop wrestling personas for former NFL greats. Imagine Barry Sanders as a high flying luchador, or Ryan Leaf as a former quarterback turned crackhead. The possibilites are endless! Without further ado, here are the 4 newest additions to the WWE roster:

Bill Romanowski Bill Romanowskia.k.a Cowboy Bill
a.k.a The Roman
a.k.a BillRo Baggins
This psychopath billed from outside of Dallas TX (really from CT) is an obvious heel. He’s been on numerous tag teams, all starting with success but ending when he unravels and explodes on his teammate, usually resulting in burying his partner by injury. He’s a former tag team champion, but now wants a go at singles championship gold. He takes aim at anyone in his sights, especially quarterbacks. The call him cowboy because of his outlaw ways, cheating to win and hurting people who get in his way. Watch out WWE there’s a new rebel in town and he wants everyone’s gold.
Style: Brawler/brute
Finishers:
Steroid Slam
Flying head stomp off the top turnbuckle
Texas Eye Gouge
Submission:
Crippler cross face
-Berno
Doug FlutieDoug Flutiea.k.a Dougie Flutes
a.k.a Flutie Pebbles
a.k.a Flutie Scrambles
a.k.a Underdog
a.k.a The Little Giant
a.k.a The Mist
Five foot- ten inches, weighing in at 180 bs. This retired QB is inch for inch, pound for pound the greatest arm to ever enter the WWE ring. An obvious face in the WWE universe, his biggest rival is Steve Young for the top spot as premier WWE QB as well as Kofi Kingston and of course autism and gun violoence.
Style:
Air it out/Aerial
Signature Moves:
The Beantown Beatdown
The Seven Step Drop
The Boston Massacre
Submission:
Drop Kick to Heisman Grapple

-Seanlite-

The Barber BrothersThe Barber Brothers

a.k.a The Billionaire Barber Brothers
a.k.a The Barbershop Duo
a.k.a The Brothers Grimm

Ronde and Tiki will hit the WWE tag team division by storm, taking out the likes of the Shield, Team Hell No, and the Wyatt Family. These brothers are no strangers to a fight, each specializing in offense (Tiki) and defense (Ronde). Not to mention they are filthy rich and now hold the million dollar belt. Which they renamed “The Billion Dollar Belt” after beating the shit out of Ted Dibiase Jr. One retiring from football extremely early, and the other staying in the game to steal roster spots from young hopefuls, shows that they are heels in every sense of the word.
Style: Tag Team
Finishers:
The Barber Beat Down
The 2B
The Barberline
Twins Tower Toss
Submissions: Double Arm Bar…ber -Matt

Steve Young
Steve Young
a.k.a. Johnny Utah
a.k.a. Lord Steven Young
a.k.a. The Brain Basher
I’m a lifelong 49er fan, so naturally I had to go with one of my favorite players, Steve Young. On the football field, Steve (yes we’re on a first name basis) was known primarily for his throwing accuracy as quarterback for one of the greatest sports dynasties in history. In the wrestling ring, the hard punching southpaw is going with a baby face (good guy) persona. As a wrestler, he re-adopts his given name and pays homage to his home state. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world of Johnny Utah. Utah starts off as a fan favorite, living the Mormon lifestyle and defeating his opponents with a variety of movies, including the Salt Lake Splash and the Mormon Stretch. Just like Steve’s career, a concussion knocks him out of action, and the WWE Universe is left in stunned silence, not knowing if Johnny Utah will ever fight again. Unlike Steve’s career, Johnny Utah comes back as a sex crazed bad guy who blurs the line between scripted wrestling and reality. He is ultimately kicked out of the WWE for defaming America and having sex with every other wrestler’s mother. A sad end to a promising career.
Style: Technician Extraordinare
Finisher: The Salt Lake Splash
Submissions: The Mormon Stretch, The Figure Eight Leg-lock
Ryan
_The Average Nobodies_
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