Blog Archives

Happy Birthday Derek Jeter!

Not Funny

Just kidding. Prepare to be heckled like no other athlete has ever been heckled before on Saturday night.

– Ryan

Celebrating a Legend: The Michael Jordan Story

February 17th, 1963… Oh what a beautiful day it was. For most people, this date does not really mean much to them, but to a fan, a REAL fan, this is the day sweet baby Michael was born. From high tops to low tops, creating records and breaking records, Air Jordan was born, ready to conquer the NBA, and the world. As MJ turns 51 this year, I look back on his life and realize why I Idol this man. Who else can make $618 for boiling 1 egg for 5 minutes? Yes that is a true statistic. Look it up folks. {editors note: please don’t} But I also came to a realization that although he is one of the best players on the court, he really hasn’t been successful in “retirement”. Look at the

_20140216_193602 2

Bobcats. You have Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player in the history of the planet, running things behind the scenes. How are they THIS bad? The Bobcats are basically giving away tickets in Charlotte. If you ask me, something is wrong with that picture. Gambling is also a major factor in Jordan’s life. Betting on horses, craps, golf putts, whether or not the groundhog is going to see his shadow; you name it, Jordan will bet on it, and that’s a major factor in Jordan’s post playing career decline.

As 2014 begins, it looks like Jordan and his new wife Yvette can open up a new chapter in their lives, which is welcoming to the world their newborn twin daughters. Stand back Olsen twins, Michael Jordan has twin daughters. There is a new power ensemble to contend with, and they just so happen to have the last name Jordan. While Jordan already has 3 other children with his previous wife, two boys and a girl, they never really lived up to MJ’s expectations. The lads attempted to play some basketball but even with Jordan mentoring them, they just didn’t have it. My first thought was that MJ is going to have these girls in the gym 24/7 building them up to be the WNBA’s worstnightmare(s). But then I came to the realization that although the Jordan brand will forever live on and be successful, why not have these girls carry the Jordan name in a different direction? With their dad’s mentorship, they have the ability to eventually take over the family business, and Jordan’s family business is owning a basketball team.. It makes sense in this perspective: Jordan is always trying to come out with new shoe and clothing designs; why not have them learn early on in life so they can make some magic and keep that Jordan Brand as popular as ever?

I wanted to thank everyone for taking the time out of their day to read my article. I also want to thank Michael Jordan for giving myself and many others that false hope that we could actually play as good as him if we bought his sneakers. Long live the king.

– Derek

download_20140216_212226

Happy Birthday Seth Meyers

Happy Birthday you handsome devil. Though SNL will miss you, I’m sure you’ll knock the late night hosting gig out of the park. Fly away my sweet prince. Fly away and be free.

Happy Birthday, Devin

Happy Birthday, my sweet princess.

image

image

image

image

image

If you ever need two handsome, strapping young men to help you promote women’s bikinis you know where to find us.

Happy 60th, John Malkovich

Happy Birthday to one of my all-time favorite actors, John Malkovich. Here’s to you, Johnny!

0929_malco red10

images-1

Can’t forget his best movie!

0H2Xg

-Matt

PS- Con Air is like an all star game for acting. Cusack, Malkovich, Cage?! There are two kinds of people in this world: People who love Con Air and dirty, whorish liars.

Happy Birthday to the Unofficial Mayor of Boston

ortiz

 

Happy birthday, Big Papi. Hope you and your three rings have a wonderful day!

-The Average Nobodies

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Princess

carrie_fisher

Happy 57th Birthday, Carrie Fisher! Thank you for 90% of my fantasies.

-MattyV

Happy Birthday Vince McMahon!

The craziest man in the wrestling world turns 68 today. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was the first man to live to 136. Happy birthday Vinnie Mac!

 

%d bloggers like this: