Blog Archives
A Holiday Inn In Panama City, Florida Plays ‘The Circle Of Life’ Every Morning at 11am To Wake Up The Spring Breakers
LK – Every March the Holiday Inn Resort in Panama City Beach is booked full with spring breakers and one of the reasons it’s a spring break hot spot is the unique way they wake their guests up in the morning.
It’s not your typical wake up call. Every morning at 11, the Holiday Inn Resort blasts “The Circle of Life” from The Lion King
.
“I think it’s awesome I cried the first day because I was so happy I thought it was so cool,” said spring breaker, Mary Waller.
When the music starts, spring breakers gather on their balconies singing and cheering.
“It was a song that worked real well as a wake up call because of the loud beat in it and it also works real well because of the message of the song. It fits with the kids and the mood and what they’re going through right now,” said Holiday Inn Marketing Director, Philip Corvin.
This is one of the most ingenious ideas I’ve ever seen. Every other spring break story I’ve read involves fights, missing people or angry residents yelling at kids like they didn’t do the same thing when they were in college. It’s refreshing to see some place embrace the madness. The Holiday Inn is making a shit ton of money off these kids, and while I’m sure they get out of hand from time to time, it’s spring break. If you want to be around a bunch of well behaved, quiet kids then you probably shouldn’t to go Panama Beach in mid March. It’s just not going to work out. As for song choice, this is perfect. Everybody can relate to the Lion King, and hearing ‘The Circle of Life’ doesn’t get you fired up and make you want to drink 25 beers then I don’t know what will.
– Ryan
Welcome to Florida, Where People Offer Salad to Prostitutes
FLORIDA – Police conducted a reverse prostitution operation that resulted in the arrest of 10 men, including one who thought he could pay for sexual services with a salad and another who is a former local basketball star, Daytona Beach police said
The operation started shortly before 11 a.m. Monday and lasted into the afternoon along areas on South Ridgewood Avenue that are known for problems with prostitution, according to Daytona Beach police charging affidavits. All 10 men are charged with soliciting a prostitute.
We have a running joke on Average Nobodies about how insane Florida is, but it’s really no longer a joke. The citizens of Florida consistently lose their goddamn minds and pull of some otherworldly stunts. Offering salad to a prostitute as payment for sex is so Florida that it might as well be it’s state’s motto. At this point, it’s impossible to be surprised at stuff like this coming out of Florida. It’s turned into a breeding ground for psychopaths. It’s also such a Florida move to arrest the men who used the prostitutes and not the prostitutes themselves. Keep on hookin’, ladies. But guys, you better watch your shit, because if your offering one these fine females a salad for sex you’re getting busted. Game. Set. Insanity.
– Ryan
Thanks to LUNA for the tip.
Finally – A Man in Florida I Can Relate To
BEER – How is that not an emergency?
A Florida man has been arrested for repeatedly making false 911 calls complaining that his wife had “thrown out his beer.”
Officers called out to his home in West Palm Beach told an apparently intoxicated Carlos Bueno Mir that the situation really was not an emergency and not call 911 again.
Google Maps Officers responded the first time to his West Palm Beach home, but once he explained the reason for his call they told him to knock it off.
But after they left he phoned again, yelling at an operator that a woman had broken into two of his beers, reports wpbf.com.
Over the course of four hours, he phoned 911 seven times.
The sobering fact is that Bueno Mir now faces charges of misusing the 911 emergency system and making a false complaint.
I have to side with Mr. Mir here. If somebody threw out my beer I’d want them thrown in jail with out the possibility of parole. Beer cases aren’t attention grabbing headlines but they should be. And what else did the Google Maps Officers really have to do that day? Take a picture of someone’s driveway? They really couldn’t help this poor guy out. He was obviously looking out for the community and didn’t want to drink and drive to get more beers, so he calls the cops for a helping hand and they stone wall him. Unbelievable. It’s not everyday I agree with the action of Floridians, but Carlos Bueno Mir can play on my team any day. I’ll even buy the beer.
– Ryan
Welcome to Florida, Where Bears Are More Logical Than Humans
Bears – After knocking over trash cans and scaring the residents of a Daytona Beach neighborhood Thursday, this black bear needed a rest. Photographer Rafael Torres said he followed the bear as it climbed into a hammock on Glenbriar Circle and got comfortable. Torres said he was about 60 feet away when he took the photos, and the bear didn’t seem bothered by his presence. It stayed in the hammock for 20 minutes before heading back into the woods around 8:15 p.m. “He got in the hammock like he was a tourist or something,” said Vincent James, who owns the home and the hammock. “Then something spooked him and he ran right back there. Then half an hour later I come back and I saw there he is in the hammock again.” The bear has been spotted multiple times in the Pebble Creek neighborhood in Daytona Beach since Wednesday. Residents say he was looking for food, tearing through a bird feeder and then trash cans.
This is weird. A species in Florida that isn’t stabbing a family member over mac and cheese or inventing words or urinating all over women. Bartholomew the Bear is actually just acting like a bear, and a pretty cool bear at that. In his defense, knocking over trash cans looking for food sounds pretty tiring. I bent down to tie my shoes the other day and needed to sit the next couple minutes of my day out, so I feel his pain. And if you see an open hammock you lay in it. One of the first rules of life. I don’t care if you’re a bear, a turtle or a human or some kind of future hybrid animal. Always lay in the hammock. Welcome to Florida, where bears lay in hammocks and humans dump buckets of urine on each other’s heads.
– Ryan
My Favorite Sketch From Charlize Theron’s SNL: Bikini Beach Party
Charlize Theron’s second hosting stint on SNL was kind of meh overall, but I really enjoyed the Bikini Beach party sketch. Even though you knew the whale was eventually going to explode, it kind of took me by surprise and worked well. The funniest part about this sketch is that it’s not that absurd. Whales do wash up on the beach and explode from time to time, I just don’t know that I’d take a girl looking for a kiss to the one spot on the beach where there is a whale carcass. But thats why Taran Killam is on SNL and I’m not. Also, ukulele for life.
-Ryan
Serious Question: Who Has Worse Toes: Lebron or Stephen Tyler?
Vs.
This a tough one. I threw up immediately after seeing both pictures so tie ballgame there. Stephen Tyler gets bonus points for the toe nail polish though. Lebrons four smaller toes look like they’re about to start a mutiny against the big toe but Tylers second toe is one of the most fucked up things I’ve ever seen. I’m picking Mr. Aerosmith. And now I’m going to rip my eyes out.
– Ryan
My Insane Roadtrip To New Jersey
What’s better than a 5 hour trip to Atlantic City filled with conversations of porn and murder? A lot of things, but between the bizarre conversations and casual Journey sing alongs, I did learn a few things:
1. Highway service centers are the work.of the Devil. All walks of life congregating in one condensed rest stop is truly a recipe of disaster. By the the way, if you ever have an extra $42,000 and want your parents murdered, go to a bathroom stall at the New Haven rest stop.
2. You know those sayings “beer before liquor never been sicker”, “liquor before beer your in the clear”? When you drink as much as I did this weekend, it doesn’t matter what comes first.
3. When in doubt, start your day with a screwdriver. Orange juice for the vitamin C. Vodka for the day drunk.
4. It should be mandatory that every state has a bar that serves 40 oz’s.
5. I AM A DANCING MACHINE
6. A pool bar is like a hot girl you date that is clearly out of your league. It starts of great, then you drink too much, and before you know it you spent all your money on her and she’s gone.
7. I have the best friends in the world. Solid vacation indeed.
– Ryan
81ThirdKid Needs To Pump His Brakes
Aug 7
Posted by ryanfoges
This is Devin Brugman:
Grade 5 Sharknado. She cofounded the company A Bikini A Day, which thankfully for us means she’s pretty much in a bikini 24/7. She’s got a body even Elton John would love and a face to match. When she puts up a new picture on Instagram, many of us can’t even find the words to describe what we’re looking at it. Unfortunately, 81ThirdKid can find the words.
Hey pal, you’re talking to a goddess here, not some eyebrow free homeless woman in Kennedy Plaza. His comment starts off pleasantly, but quickly takes a turn to bizarro world and never really recovers. Why would you want to go through all that for a steak dinner date over Skype. At least request a face to face dinner. 81ThirdKid is the definition of the term shit for brains. And next time your going to ruin one of Devin Brugman’s pictures, leave Rosie O’Donnell out of it. I can’t picture them both at the same time again. My brain might explode.
– Ryan
Share with your friends:
Like this:
Posted in Average Blog Posts
Leave a comment
Tags: a, beach, bikini, comment, day, devin brugman, instagram, model