Unfortunately there is very little documentation of this because when someone challenges you to a good old fashioned choke out you don’t wait for someone to film it you just start choking each other. And that’s exactly what happened Sunday night in Austin. What I thought was going to be an innocent game of indoor shuffleboard turned into a championship showdown of who could incapacitate their opponent. My vision is a little cloudy so I don’t remember how we got on the subject but I do know I felt like I was talking to this kid for 12 hours. Before I knew it, he was showing me choking techniques and the rest of the night was pretty much a blur. Since this kid used to be a Marine he won in every facet of a competition a human being can win at. But after this experience I now know how to choke someone out as long as they’re not too tall. That’s the beauty of SXSW: you go in expecting to learn the in’s and outs of the film business and you leave a trained fighter. I can’t wait to see what I learn next year.
What’s better than a 5 hour trip to Atlantic City filled with conversations of porn and murder? A lot of things, but between the bizarre conversations and casual Journey sing alongs, I did learn a few things:
1. Highway service centers are the work.of the Devil. All walks of life congregating in one condensed rest stop is truly a recipe of disaster. By the the way, if you ever have an extra $42,000 and want your parents murdered, go to a bathroom stall at the New Haven rest stop.
2. You know those sayings “beer before liquor never been sicker”, “liquor before beer your in the clear”? When you drink as much as I did this weekend, it doesn’t matter what comes first.
3. When in doubt, start your day with a screwdriver. Orange juice for the vitamin C. Vodka for the day drunk.
5. I AM A DANCING MACHINE
A few buddies and I were at the bar last night and in between rounds of trivia we decided to look up which celebrities shared the same birthdays as us. Needless to say my triple threat blew people away. I had strangers coming up to me wanting my autograph. The waitress picked up my tab. This kind of makes me a famous person right? When you share such an important day with three icons of the silver and movie screens, a little bit of that magic rubs off on you. Johnny Depp is a stud. A perfect mix of a franchise guy and a risk taker, and one goddamn beautiful man. Natalie Portman is a fox, and one pretty talented actress. Even if I stop here, I feel pretty confident that I have most people beat in the fictional celebrity birthday competition. But my foot is on the gas and I’m cruising down the freeway, so it’s only right that the the world’s greatest human being was also born on June 9th: Michael J. Marty McFly Fox. Enormous child star and centerpiece of the greatest franchise in movie history. You think Parkinson’s is going to slow him down? He spits in Parkinson’s face and makes it say his name. Now he’s back to his roots with the Michael J. Fox Show, premiering in September. I always knew June 9th was a great day, but this just reinforces the fact that I have the best birthday ever. Anyone care to debate? Lay your top three on me, but be forewarned, I got Dick Vitale and Tedy Bruschi in my back pocket.