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I’m All In On the Anastasia Kickstarter, The Breaking Bad Sequel Starring Val Kilmer & Slash

This must be “Kickstarter’s that Matt and Ryan will pour their life savings into” week because Anastasia is one of the greatest things I’ve ever heard.

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The genius who created this Kickstarter, Larry Shepard (@thewolfinmaine) has posted the plot, as well as the first two pages from the pilot’s script on the Kickstarter page, and to say I’m intrigued is an understatement. He had me at Val Kilmer, but after reading the plot, I’m ready to mortgage anything that isn’t bolted down to the ground.

Peter Falk in Colombo, Tony Shaloub in Monk, Vincent D’Onofrio in Law and Order, and now comes Val Kilmer in Anastasia.

Kilmer’s incredible talents and personality will make this a mega hit. Colombo and Monk had an intriguing theme, wherein they both had a unique comedic quirk to their personality. That personality was coupled to a genius detective ability, that kept the viewers coming back. Anastasia will carry that successful tradition on.

Kilmer and Slash breakout in ‘Fearful Symmetry’ the pilot for Anastasia, as an elite US Marshals team, that tracks down the most elusive and dangerous fugitives that are on the run.

But one fugitive has even them baffled, since they first have to answer the question, is he even alive?

Kilmer and Slash have another huge problem, that will become very apparent in the opening scene of ‘Fearful Symmetry.’  

There will be regular 12 step meeting scenes in Anastasia that Kilmer attends. We will invite stars in the entertainment industry who are in recovery themselves. Russell Brand, Jamie Lee Curtis, Steven Tyler, Dick Van Dyke, Drew Barrymore, Robert Downey Jr., Robin Williams, Neil Young, Eminem, on and on.

These will be guest appearances on separate episodes, and the star would be told that all the dialogue they use will be completely created by them. 

I am confident these appearances will elevate Anastasia to an even higher level of quality and randomness.

Some guest stars will be in full make up/prosthetics throughout the show, and we will only reveal who they are at the end!

Think of ‘The List of Adrian Messenger’ movie. When they appear in the intro, the tag line will say: Guest Starring? 

They of course are fugitives that Kilmer and Slash are chasing, who have had plastic surgery!

Val Kilmer will decide and create the quirkiness that his character, Donovan Baker, has. Peter Falk created the Colombo character almost in its entirety, with obvious great success.

Slash will stay in the ‘Slash’ character, which will enable another writing venue as he will always be undercover. He is Kilmer’s partner, and Jana Mashonee is Slash’s girlfriend. Who doesn’t want to see Slash with a Glock sticking out from under that jacket? Come on!

In all honesty, I can’t think of anything else going on in my life right now that’s more important than making sure this show gets made. I don’t care if it goes to HBO or Yahoo TV, I need to see Val Kilmer and Slash as U.S. Marshalls. If that’s not a dream team, then I don’t want to what is. Imagine all the crazy situations they’d get into that would obviously call for Slash to beat the bad guy over the head with his guitar, or Val Kilmer to look at them and they melt. This is what Kickstarter was made for, and it needs to happen. Oh and in case you’re wondering what Jana Mashonee looks like, here you go. Dear lord I want to see this show.

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– Ryan

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I Found My New Favorite Picture

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Hands down the greatest photo of all time.

A post shared by Aaron Paul (@glassofwhiskey) on

I will never get tired of Aaron Paul posting old school Breaking Bad pictures on Instagram, especially when they’re Mike Ehrmantraut pics. Angel in white, a sweet, sweet delight.

– Ryan

MJD Joins The Oakland Raiders in What I’m Calling “The Most Jaguar Move in History”

MJD

 

Apparently things have gotten so bad in MJD’s life that he felt the need to further bury his career by signing with Oakland. A 3-year deal with the Raiders? He might as well have signed his retirement form, if that is even a thing, if it isn’t then it’s like if he signed something like it. I don’t know, I’m not a scientist. Can’t blame the guy though. The “Jaguar way”  has poisoned his mind. He is completely incapable of making a decision that will better his situation. The only player to ever escape Jacksonville’s grasp was Blaine Gabbert. He made it all the way west and is in a better place now. Maurice, I award you no points and may Al Davis have mercy on your soul.

-Matt

Table Talk – Venting About The NBA Dunk Contest, Drakes Friends, and Nick Cannon

-The Average Nobodies

Public Service Announcement: Don’t Eat the Subway Pastrami

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Do yourself a favor an NEVER order the pastrami from Subway. I am a person who is never picky about food, so if I can’t finish one of these sandwiches then it is probably uneatable. This is the first time in my life I haven’t finished a sandwich I started. A sad day in paradise.

And just to clear up the above picture: That ISN’T chewed up food. That’s how it looked coming out of the sandwich. “Hot Garbage” should be its name on the menu.

-Matt

Snooki and JWoww Dressed as Walt and Jesse from Breaking Bad is Haunting

Alternate 'Breaking Bad' Ending: It Was All Snooki and JWOWW's Dream

– via Celebuzz

Snooki and Jwoww have been dressing as famous pop culture pairings over the past few days, and a photo has surfaced of the Jersey Shore pair dressed as Walt and Jesse from Breaking Bad…and it’s disturbing. Snooki looks disturbingly similar to the little person Pedro Martinez used to bring to the club house during the Red Sox ’04 World Series run.

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JWoww looks like Walter White if he spent thousands of dollars on botox and plastic surgery and was only capable of making Zoolander’s “blue steel” face.

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If I wasn’t such an enormous fan of the show I’d say they ruined that picture of Walt and Jesse for me forever. I don’t why Snooki and JWoww are taking pictures of famous pairings and I don’t care. I just want them to stop. And next time you try impersonating Walt and Jesse, model yourself after these handsome stallions.

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– Ryan

Breaking Bad Fans Give Walter White His Own Obituary In Albuquerque Newspaper

Walter Hartwell White. You were a complicated man, a decent man, and a monster all at once. I always loved your old man glasses, porn star mustache and blatant disregard for human life. Thanks for the memories.

– Ryan

P.S. As much as I love Breaking Bad and Walter White, this obituary still doesn’t beat William McCullough.

Walter & Jesse: The Ultimate Odd Couple

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The world officially said goodbye to Breaking Bad last night. Drama’s never seem to fully satisfy every viewer when they eventually bow out, but as someone who was totally caught up in the Breaking Bad experience, I must say I was very pleased with the way things ended. While the show’s supporting characters (Mike, Gus, Todd, Uncle Jack, Hank, Marie, etc) were superb, the heartbeat of the show always seemed to revolve around Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.

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Before I go into their on screen relationship, I think it’s safe to say that no one enjoyed playing characters on a television show more than Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul. They loved their characters, and it showed. Vince Gilligan created complex villains, and Cranston and Paul brought them to life and made you care about what happened to them, regardless of the hideous things they had done. Calling their relationship rocky would be like calling the Grand Canyon a hole in the ground. If Felix Unger and Oscar Madison were the original odd couple, then Jesse Pinkman and Walter White were the ultimate odd couple. A brilliant chemistry teacher and a high school dropout teaming up to cook meth? Let’s do it! In the beginning, they relied on each to survive. It was clear Walter cared about Jesse, in the bizarre way you care about a wounded dog. The dog has been hurt before, and if you show it the least bit of love, the least bit of attention, it will be obedient. Walter was always the mastermind, and as the seasons continued, his mental stranglehold over Jesse got more and more perverse (Oh, Gail.) I rooted for Walter and Jesse, up until he watched Jane die, then poisoned Brock. We can forgive our fictional anti-heroes, as long as we hold out hope they will someday redeem themselves. We justify the murder of meth cooks and drug dealers as a casualty of war, but once the barrier of innocence is broken, it’s tough to ever fix it. Walter White was ruining Jesse’s life, and we had a front row seat.

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In the later seasons, it seemed Jesse might survive his personal hell with the help of a more loving and understanding sociopath, Mike Ehrmantraut. Walt decided to stop that, and in my opinion, was jealous of the relationship Mike and Jesse had. You might treat like your dog like shit, but it’s still YOUR dog. Walt had other reasons to kill Mike, but keeping Jesse wounded and vulnerable had to be at the top of the list. After the death of Mike, Jesse finally seemed to realize that Walter White was more poisonous than the Ricin he fed to Brock. We found out in season one that he had cancer, but as the end approached, we realized that Walter was the real cancer. Everything he touched, everyone he “loved”, was broken by the end. No one’s life was altered more by Mr. White than Jesse Pinkman. They were rarely on screen together for the final season, as Jesse spent most of his time throwing money out of his car window or imprisoned in an underground meth lab. Walter White watched his family fall apart, and in the end, so did he. When the dust cleared,  Walter White was dead. Jesse Pinkman, when we last see him, is driving away, destination unknown. Physically, he’s very much alive. As a rabid fan of Breaking Bad, I know better. Jesse Pinkman died long ago. It was a sad conclusion to an incredible story. Like it could have ended any other way.

– Ryan

P.S. I’m not normally a fan of episodic recap articles, but if you love Breaking Bad, you need to read the series finale recap by Andy Greenwald of Grantland. Boom Baby.

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