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Of Course Tom Bradys House Has A Moat

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If I ever lived in a house like this I’d never leave. Forget football. Forget Ugg commercials. I have a supermodel wife and literally the best house in the entire world. A house that has a moat. Drinking beers in a moat is so high on my bucket list that it’s actually disturbing. I hate Tom Brady, but goddamnit do I respect you.

– Ryan

P.S. Woof

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Bruce Jenner’s Face Is What I Imagine The Devil To Look Like

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Bruce Jenner’s face is what nightmares are made of. Legitimately haunting. How do you go from being named the “World’s Best Athlete” and a Wheaties cover boy who had females swooning across the globe to “Fire Marshall Bill”, an F list celebrity and the husband of Kris Kardashian?

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Fire Marshall Bill. Or Bruce Jenner. You be the judge.

Talk about a rise and fall. I’ve heard of collapses before, but this one takes the cake. Even if┬áhe screwed around with his face to the point of being almost unrecognizable, Bruce could at least pull the Olympic card and get a halfway decent girl. Instead he completes the greatest demise in the history of America by marrying pond scum in human form:

They’re like the couple from hell, if hell consisted of people who fuck with their face until they turn into plastic toys. I may be an out of shape 25 year old with a moderate to severe drinking problem, but I thank my lucky stars everyday that I’m not Bruce Jenner.

– Ryan

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