If I ever lived in a house like this I’d never leave. Forget football. Forget Ugg commercials. I have a supermodel wife and literally the best house in the entire world. A house that has a moat. Drinking beers in a moat is so high on my bucket list that it’s actually disturbing. I hate Tom Brady, but goddamnit do I respect you.
Bruce Jenner’s face is what nightmares are made of. Legitimately haunting. How do you go from being named the “World’s Best Athlete” and a Wheaties cover boy who had females swooning across the globe to “Fire Marshall Bill”, an F list celebrity and the husband of Kris Kardashian?
Talk about a rise and fall. I’ve heard of collapses before, but this one takes the cake. Even if he screwed around with his face to the point of being almost unrecognizable, Bruce could at least pull the Olympic card and get a halfway decent girl. Instead he completes the greatest demise in the history of America by marrying pond scum in human form:
They’re like the couple from hell, if hell consisted of people who fuck with their face until they turn into plastic toys. I may be an out of shape 25 year old with a moderate to severe drinking problem, but I thank my lucky stars everyday that I’m not Bruce Jenner.