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Anthony Scaramucci & Lavar Ball Highlighted SNL’s First Ever Weekend Update Summer Edition

Usually we’d have to wait until late September or early October for SNL to reappear and start skewering the news. Luckily for us, SNL aired the first ever Weekend Update Summer Edition last night, and it was a welcome site. Colin Jost opened up the show with the most accurate line of all time – “it’s been a crazy year these last few weeks”. With Trump as President, everything feels like it’s going in super sonic motion, and just when your head is wrapped around one crazy news story, two more pop up to sock you in the jaw. Now, onto my two favorite parts.

It’s a goddamn shame that SNL missed out on Anthony Scaramucci. The Mooch and his personality and penchant for telling reporters that Steve Bannon sucks his own cock would have been a gold mine for SNL, but alas, those that fly closest to the sun aren’t mean to be around for long. Luckily we still got Bill Hader as Scaramucci, and he was fantastic because ‘Bill Hader as _____’ is always a going to be fantastic. I don’t know if they’ll bring Hader back for this season (especially if The Mooch doesn’t make his way back into the spotlight) but I’m glad we at least got this. Also, has there ever been a more on the nose description of someone than The Mooch being human cocaine? I don’t think so.

Kenan Thompson is heading into his 15th (!) season as an SNL cast member, and much like a fine wine, he gets better with age. He impersonated Lavar Ball last night, who I usually would hate to see pop up in the news, but if Kenan is doing the impersonation I’ll let it slide. Kenan’s vocal impersonations are never that great, but he makes it up for it in other ways, like the way he pronounced rhinoceros or the dance move he did to take the sneakers away from Colin. Lavar isn’t going away anytime soon (Lonzo hasn’t even started his rookie year yet) and I’m assuming his asinine comments will keep coming. This won’t be the last we’ve seen of Kenan’s newest impression.

-Ryan

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It’s Officially Impossible To Parody The US Government

When Donald Trump was elected President, I knew there were going to be a lot of changes. Before Trump, even if you didn't like or agree with the President, you respected the office and the fact that he was the most powerful man in the free world. That is no longer the case. When Trump goes to Twitter before notifying his Secretary of Defense or the Pentagon about his new ban on transgender people serving in the military, it sparks reactions like that of the Governor of Nevada, who said he won't make changes to the National Guard unless instructed to do so by the Secretary of Defense. In other words, what the President says doesn't matter.

To people like me and you, the President's words haven't mattered since January. But for other elected officials to basically say "this guy is nuts, I'll wait to hear from a sane voice" is pretty crazy when you're talking about the POTUS.

Because we now live in a dystopian, idiotic world, the President's transgender tweet barely stayed in the news cycle for 48 hours. A lot of that has to do with healthcare, which as of early this morning, is still unchanged. But what I'm choosing to focus on is the White House's new communication director, Anthony 'The Mooch' Scaramucci. The New Yorker ran a piece yesterday on him where he talked ON THE RECORD about a whole host of things, and it's beyond parody. Here are some excerpts:

 Scaramucci, who initiated the call, did not ask for the conversation to be off the record or on background.

Always a good sign when the communications director doesn't know how to speak to the press off the record.

“They’ll all be fired by me,” he said. “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly.” The issue, he said, was that he believed Priebus had been worried about the dinner because he hadn’t been invited. “Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channeled Priebus as he spoke: “ ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ” (Priebus did not respond to a request for comment.)

If those aren't the words of a level headed guy then I don't know what is. Always an uplifting sign when the new guy in the White House threatens to fire literally everyone over something he can't prove. This is also foreshadowing the rest of the conversation, as we see The Mooch has an affinity to saying the word 'cock'.

Scaramucci also told me that, unlike other senior officials, he had no interest in media attention. “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” he said, speaking of Trump’s chief strategist. “I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the President. I’m here to serve the country.” (Bannon declined to comment.)

BINGO! So much to dissect in that statement. Comparing wanting media attention to sucking your own cock, inferring that since he doesn't suck his own cock, he's here to serve the country, and my personal favorite 'Bannon declined to comment'. Oh you don't say? He didn't want to comment on the statement from the White House communications director that says he sucks his own cock? Shocking! This is all extremely disheartening, but at least we'll always have this tweet:

https://twitter.com/wyatt_privilege/status/890702212858511361

The article goes on and on and on, and while Scaramucci might not like to suck his own cock, he sure likes to hear himself talk. This is the world we live in, folks, and these are the people in charge of our country. Happy Friday?

-Ryan

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