You probably read that headline and thought “what the hell is this about?” but I can honestly say this is the most accurate headline I’ve ever put on a blog post. This is literally a video of a guy riding a moose that’s walking in a lake. It’s glorious, and I’m assuming this is Canada, because Canadians ride mother fucking moose now. I wrestled my masked friend in my other’s friends parent’s garage this weekend. And this guy rode a moose. Some things can’t be explained.
If we ever make it big, our first purchase is a horse. A lot of rich people have fancy cars, or mansions with moats, or luxurious yachts, but only the truly elite own horses. With great power comes great responsibility, and with great responsibility comes naming your horse. We have to imagine there is nothing worse than watching your stallion cross the finish line with the entire crowd laughing at you because you picked a shitty name. The real winners in horse racing are those brave men and women who dare to be bold when choosing their horses name.
It was my childhood nickname (because apparently I reminded my parents of a black man with a speech impediment who ran like a white boy with leg braces) and I’ve embraced it ever since. Bubba Gump just so happens to roll off the tongue like a fine wine, and announcers better get used to saying it, because Bubba Gump does two things well: shrimpin’ and winning horse races.
Something that I have believed in since I was a child was that human names make the best animal names. Take my hypothetical horse, Kevin, for example. Pretty decent human name, but dynamite horse name! Let’s look at others named Kevin: Kevin Costner, Kevin Bacon, Kevin Spacey, Kevin Durant. Do I need to say more? Kevin will steal the Triple Crown and your heart, with ease.
Hands down best trained animal on the planet. You might say the whales in Seaworld are, but i dare you to teach them a trick they don’t want to learn. Your ass would get swallowed up like yesterdays tuna. Jumpy is everything a dog should be: Smart, talented, athletic, and loyal. Why can’t my cat, Batman, be like this? Oh yea because he is lazy as shit! But he gets that from his master.
I didn’t know this was a thing, but this guy must be there best there is!