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Category Archives: Wrestling

Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan Has Passed Away At The Age of 73 #RIPBobbyHeenan

My generation of wrestling fans usually pick Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross as their favorite broadcast team, but whenever that conversation comes up, I’ll always lean towards Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon. Heenan, who passed away over the weekend at the age of 73, was a jack of all trades wrestling personality and talent that excelled at everything he did in or around a wrestling ring. His career spanned the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s, starting as an in ring performer, but ‘The Brain’ will always be known as one of the greatest managers and color commentators of all time. Heenan always delivered, and he was one of the most entertaining personality’s in the history of wrestling. Thanks for the memories ‘Brain’, and thanks for entertaining us humanoids for so many years.

-Ryan

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WWE Celebrated Asuka With A Look Back At Her Historic #WWENXT Career

Asuka was, unquestionably, the most dominating superstar in NXT history. She’s also had one of the most successful two year runs in WWE history, and she heads to Raw with an undefeated streak dating back to October 7, 2015 and a never-to-be-broken record of 523 days as NXT Women’s champion. Every other big name superstar that was called up to either Raw or Smackdown went out on their back: Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens, Finn Balor, Shinsuke Nakamura, Charlotte, Bayley, Sasha Banks; but that was not the case with Asuka. She suffered a legitimate injury during her title defense against Ember Moon at TakeOver Brooklyn III, and relinquished the title a few weeks ago on NXT.

While it may be wrestling tradition to put the next man or women over before you head elsewhere, there was nothing traditional about Asuka. She changed the entire dynamic of NXT, and reinvented what it meant to be a dominant champion. While her in ring work was superb, her entire aura was what drew you towards her. She would dance to the ring with her mask on (which I unashamedly own) and almost lull you to sleep with her calmness. Then she would get in the ring and kick your ass or choke you out. There will never be another superstar like Asuka in NXT, but I’m glad that we’ll get to see the next chapter very soon on Raw.

For now, enjoy this pitch perfect promo that signifies the impending doom that every women’s wrestler on the Raw roster must feel right now.

-Ryan

Kevin Owens Joined An Exclusive Club By Beating The Crap Out Of Vince McMahon Last Night #SDLive

First off, what a goddamn segment. For too long Kevin Owens has been screwing around on Smackdown, and even when he was in a feud with someone as great as AJ Styles, it felt like something was missing. After watching this segment, the thing that was missing was the maniacal aggression he showed on the Indies and in NXT. It’s safe to say he’s found that again. Owens will take on Shane McMahon inside Hell in a Cell, which should be his rebirth, but last night he took out a different McMahon, and in doing so joined an exclusive club of all time superstars.

If you’re interacting with Vince McMahon inside a WWE ring, that’s a good thing 99% of the time. If Vince lets you beats him up AND bloody him, you’re on your way to something special. Stone Cold. The Undertaker. Brock Lesnar. CM Punk. Roman Reigns. That’s just a sample of the guys that have been in the ring with Vince and gotten over, and as Vince ages and falls into that beloved, insane grandpa role, beating him up brings out a sinister side in certain guys. That head butt from Owens was legit, and I like the uniqueness of the beat down. He wasn’t whaling on him with chairs or punching him in the head a bunch of times. One punch, one super kick and one frog splash, plus a tense stare down with Stephanie McMahon did the trick. The key will be for Owens to capitalize on this and make his Hell in a Cell match with Shane a match to remember. Shane O Mac is no stranger to making memorable moments, so that match should be something special.

-Ryan

WWE RAW Review (9/11/17): I Know A Guy

Photo: WWE

Welcome back to the Raw Review, wrestling fans. I took a week off last week as I was away for the Labor Day holiday, and if you didn’t watch last week’s show and need to know one thing, it’s that Braun Strowman is the BEST. This week’s Raw is live from Anaheim, California on the 16th anniversary of the September 11th attacks. September 11th and WWE will always be intertwined in my mind, because WWE held the first large, public event with a Smackdown show on September 13th. It’s almost impossible to ‘get back to normal’ after something like 9/11 happens, but for myself, nothing was more normal than watching Smackdown on a Thursday night, so it helped.

Average Nobodies note: make sure to follow us on Twitter – @averagenobodies and like us on Facebook – Facebook.com/AverageNobodies. We love talking pro wrestling, so you can comment on this post or reach out to us on social media if you want to join the discussion. You can also find all of our wrestling content by clicking the ‘wrestling’ tab under the banner on our home page.

Without further ado, the Raw Review for 9/11/17.

I Know A Guy

Before we get to the past match promo between Roman Reigns and John Cena, I wanted to mention how happy I am that Jason Jordan has been sandwiched into this feud. First off, Raw starting with an actual match for the second week in a row is great. WWE has this dynamic roster that they insist on putting in the ring to talk instead of wrestle and it always bothers me. The talking is good sometimes but the wrestling is almost always good, and tonight was no exception.

Jason Jordan took on Roman Reigns in the show opener to further the Cena/Reigns penis measuring contest, and having Jordan go step for step with Cena and Reigns on back to back shows will do more for Jordan than 1,000 squash matches. Jordan didn’t win either match, but it put him in a position to succeed. Jordan’s best attribute is his wrestling skill, and when you put him in the ring with someone more experienced than him (like Cena & Reigns) it allows him to follow their lead. Jordan’s rolling northern lights Suplex was awesome, and he looked great once again. When you hear people say the result doesn’t matter in wrestling, these are the type of matches they’re talking about. Jordan should have lost because Roman Reigns beats everyone, but he put up a great fight in defeat.

The post match promo between Cena & Reigns was better than last week’s but not as good as their original one. I enjoy when they blur the lines between reality and the TV show, but the reason it works is because they don’t do it that often. This is the second time Cena and Reigns have had this type of exchange, and Miz/Enzo had a similar one later in the show. WWE shouldn’t go to that well too often, because eventually it will lose it’s spark. I did enjoy Reigns’ ‘I know a guy’ line about Cena not cutting it in Hollywood (even though he’s clearly doing fine there) and Cena referencing Reigns’ drug test failure was A+. If this doesn’t end with Reigns ripping Cena’s arms off at No Mercy I’ll be shocked.

#AlexaBlissIsTheBest

Sasha Banks defeated Emma with Alexa Bliss and Nia Jax on commentary, and although Emma lost again, at least she was able to get in some offense. The Fatal Four Way at No Mercy should be aces, and I’m very interested to see how the Nia Jax/Alexa Bliss match goes next week. Nia should be the favorite in any match she’s involved in, but putting her into a multi women match could also be a way for her to not win the title without being involved in the decision. My favorite part of the entire segment was Alexa Bliss “on commentary”. She just sat there and stewed the whole time, because she’s upset Nia finally figured our her plan and that she has to defend her title against three challengers at No Mercy. No one plays their character better than Alexa Bliss.

Braun Strowman, Beast Conqueror

Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar came out to do their usual song and dance, which is better than almost anyone else’s song and dance. Heyman is the master at hyping up a big time match by propping up Lesnar’s challenger but also making sure everyone remembers that no matter how good/big/scary Lesnar’s opponent is, Brock is better. He makes it look so easy that you wonder why everyone else doesn’t use that strategy, then you remember Heyman’s been in this business since the 80s and knows more about professional wrestling than almost anyone. Heyman challenges Braun to come to the ring and face off with Brock, and Strowman obliges. That leads to my new favorite wrestling GIF:

That is MAGICAL. The reason we’ll never see another Brock Lesnar isn’t because of his size, speed, strength or acting ability, it’s because he excels at all of them at the same time. Look at Lesnar’s face when he turns around to see Braun is standing up after a German Suplex. That’s so great. The best part is Brock Lesnar might as well be called German Suplex, because that is his go to move in almost every match over the last few years. It’s what he uses to soften everyone up before the F-5 finishes them off. What happens now that Braun can shake off a German like it was a Flair chop? Braun ends the segment literally standing tall on top of Lesnar, and I cannot wait to see these two F shit up at No Mercy.

Tears Of A Clown

Bray Wyatt took on Goldust, which should absolutely be a money matchup with a decent build that goes 10-12 minutes. Instead it’s super short, and Goldust is used as a pawn in the ongoing Balor/Wyatt rivalry. I mention this a lot, but if you look at the Bray Wyatt character minus the match results, he’s money. When Bray cut his pre match promo, blew out the battery operated lantern and his music hit, it infuriated me. His character is SO GOOD, except then you remember he loses every big-ish match he’s in, which makes his promo’s sound hollow and his character a bowl of shit. He wins his match against Goldust and wipes away Goldie’s face paint to signify that 1. he hates face paint and 2. to send a message to Finn Balor that he can’t beat him without resorting to the face painted Demon.

I do enjoy WWE portraying face paint as this magical, unbeatable force. It’s like when Jim Carrey put on the mask in The Mask. I won’t be shocked if everyone starts coming to the ring in face paint for every pay per view match.

Tag Team Chaos

Sheamus and Cesaro were scheduled to take on Gallows & Anderson with Rollins & Ambrose on commentary, but the three teams ended up brawling on the ramp before the match could begin. That lead to Rollins & Ambrose teaming up with the Hardy’s to take on Sheamus, Cesaro, Gallows & Anderson in the main event. The match was OK, but ended as lazily as possible, with Cesaro & Sheamus leaving Gallows & Anderson to take a 4 on 2 beat down for the loss. It looks like the tag title match might end up being a four way dance as well, and we will hopefully get some follow up next week.

Raw Is Ready For Asuka

Asuka is officially coming to Raw, and I’ll save my pros and cons for when she actually debuts. At this point, I’m just ready for more Asuka in my life.

Elias vs. Kalisto

Elias no known last name took on Kalisto again, and while these two have good chemistry, it was pretty much the same match we’ve seen from them in the past. I really enjoy Elias’s entire gimmick, but he should be getting into an actual feud at some point. His pre match songs about how awful the city Raw is in are always great, as are most of his matches, but he can only win random matches for so long. Give me Elias & Miz!

The John Cena Farewell Tour

Does anyone else find it odd that John Cena is burning through all these ‘dream matches’ on random Raw’s, Smackdown’s & B level pay per views? He fought Shinsuke Nakamura on a random Smackdown, Braun Strowman last night and will face Reigns at No Mercy. Those are all high level, WrestleMania quality matches. This smells a lot like Cena is winding down his WWE schedule, and WWE wants to get him in the ring with as much up and coming top level talent as they can.

This match was OK, but it was clear WWE booked themselves into a situation where neither one of these guys could lose. Braun just destroyed Brock Lesnar an hour earlier, so there’s no way Cena was winning clean. Cena is fighting Reigns at No Mercy, so there’s no way Strowman was winning clean. Therefore the match ended with Strowman getting DQ’d only after he power slammed Cena on top of the stairs. Hitting Cena in the head with stairs? A-OK. Body slamming Cena onto stairs? You’re out of here, pal.

Miz TV Featuring The Ethering Of Enzo Amore

First off, congratulations to The Miz and Maryse on their baby. My favorite part of this segment (and maybe the whole show) was Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas’s reaction. Pure joy. This felt like a way for WWE to address all of those Enzo/backstage heat rumors with one of their best talkers, and boy oh boy did Miz lay into Enzo. The only issue I had with this segment was that Reigns and Cena had already done something similar earlier in the show. The reason these types of promos work are because they happen sparingly, but doing two of them on the same show makes it less biting. The match that follows was not great, because Enzo Amore and wrestling go together like open wounds and salt. Give me Miz and Elias!

And that’s it for this week’s show. The first three segments were great, but Raw slowly lost steam as it finished off. We’ll see you next week for the go home Raw before No Mercy.

-Ryan

WWE RAW Review (8/28/17): Shooting From The Hip

Photo: WWE

Welcome back to Ryan’s Raw Review (I’ll figure out a name that doesn’t sound like Pee Wee’s Playhouse eventually) for what was an overall solid 3 hour wrestling show. We’re one week further removed from Summerslam and one week closer to No Mercy, which turns out is the best thing in the world because the No Mercy card is going to be stacked as hell. Let’s get to the review!

Average Nobodies note: make sure to follow us on Twitter – @averagenobodies and like us on Facebook – Facebook.com/AverageNobodies. We love talking pro wrestling, so you can comment on this post or reach out to us on social media if you want to join the discussion. You can also find all of our wrestling content by clicking the ‘wrestling’ tab under the banner on our home page.

Battle Royal

There are few things in life I like more than a battle royal with consequence attached to it, so naturally I loved this entire opening. The quick Miz/Angle promo and the battle royal took up the first 30 minutes of Raw, and it beat the hell out of a normal Raw opening that usually features two or more people talking, brawling and then most likely fighting each other in the main event. The Miz wants to bring prestige back to the IC belt, and Kurt Angle agrees, so instead of just naming his son as the #1 contender (which I really thought was going to happen) he makes an over the top rope battle royal with the winner facing Miz for the IC title next week. That’s perfect. There really isn’t one guy who stands out above the rest in the mid card division, so why not give them all the same opportunity and see who rises to the top?

Balor, Elias or Jason Jordan would have made sense, but I liked the surprise of going with Jeff Hardy, especially since this is for a title shot next week and not at a pay per view. Taking the slower approach with Jordan is a smart move as well, because his character isn’t connecting yet, and the answer to that problem is not to strap a rocket to his ass and have him win all the titles. Let him earn a title shot and see how the crowd reacts to that. The only shitty part of the match was Bray Wyatt tossing out Finn Balor. Wyatt’s character is as stale as month old bread, plus Finn already beat him at Summerslam. Get ready for Bray to beat Finn on a random episode of Raw only for Finn to get the win back at No Mercy. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Smart Heels

Three champions (spoiler for the main event) cut promos last night that were short but so on the nose that I wanted to make sure I mentioned them. Alexa Bliss was interviewed earlier in the night about her Women’s title match against Sasha Banks and she once again pointed out that Sasha Banks has never successfully defended the Women’s title, so why wouldn’t Alexa be going into that much with a boat load of confidence? It’s a tiny detail that could get lost in the build up to the match, but Alexa pointing it out and then delivering later in the night was wonderful.

The second instance is after Enzo Amore defeated Noam Dar. If you’re interested in reading a write up of that match I honestly don’t know what to tell you, but the only thing I wrote in my notes for that match was that WWE should give Enzo a finisher that he can’t fuck up as badly as he did last night. When your finisher requires you to put your foot on the other person’s face and pull their arm down to the mat, you should probably make sure your foot is on their face. Anyway, Neville cut a quick promo after the match (which isn’t on WWE’s YouTube yet) explaining that if Enzo is considered competition in the Cruiserweight division, then Neville is going to be champion forever. PREACH.

The final promo of the night was from The Miz, who was interviewed as he was leaving the building before the main event (apparently he hates women’s wrestling?). Miz rightfully points out that the point of his promo from earlier in the night was that he wants to bring prestige back to the IC title, and he doesn’t think that someone who wins one match should automatically get a shot at his title. As much as I love battle royals it’s tough to disagree with that point, although Jeff Hardy & Miz could sneak their way into our hearts next week.

Paul Heyman, Public Speaker Extraordinaire

Paul Heyman & Brock Lesnar were back again this week, and I could get used to the most important champion on the show showing up on a consistent basis. Last week Lesnar got eaten alive by destroyer of men Braun Strowman, and Heyman was out here this week doing the Lord’s work, putting over Strowman as Brock’s toughest opponent on the current roster. It’s such a simple technique & I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t use it.

If I’m fighting you, am I going to look stronger if you’re built up as this powerful entity or if you limp into the match with no momentum? It’s always option A, and WWE almost never builds up a match that way. I’ll get to The Bar/Rollins/Ambrose in a minute to show you what I mean. Heyman is predictably wonderful here, and Brock even gets on the microphone to formally invite Mr. Strowman to Suplex City™, bitch. It’s always nice to hear Brock actually speak, and while I favor him talking about making people vomit or piss themselves, I’ll take a Suplex City catchphrase when I can get it.

50/50

So. The Bar lost the tag belts to Ambrose & Rollins at Summerslam, and since there are only two other teams in the division we’re going to keep getting The Bar vs. Ambrose & Rollins until the end of time. It’s not the worst thing in the world because they’re four of the best guys on the roster, but if last night is any indication, the build to their matches are going to be super frustrating. Cesaro and Rollins squared off first and had a very good match, but once Sheamus got on the microphone after the match and announced he vs. Dean Ambrose, you knew exactly what was going to happen. Cesaro beat Rollins, so Ambrose HAD to beat Sheamus immediately after that to keep everyone even Stevens. The only thing worse than one team going into a title match with no momentum is both teams going in with no momentum. 50/50 bookings helps absolutely no one and it’s the dumbest thing WWE does on a consistent basis. The thought process behind it must be that both teams look evenly matched, but there are other ways to portray that besides having them constantly beat each other.

#MakeItStop

Emma and Mickie James had a backstage argument over internet hashtags, because it’s not possible for the Women’s division to have two storylines without one of them revolving around arguing over who started the Women’s Revolution. Emma beats Mickie in a quick, sloppy match, but if we’re looking for a silver lining, at least Emma won a match.

Reality Kings

John Cena will take on Roman Reigns at No Mercy because apparently No Mercy is the most important pay per view of the year. Seriously, the current card is Strowman/Lesnar, Reigns/Cena and they planted seeds for Nia/Alexa after the main event. Those are all WrestleMania quality matches. Before the match comes the contract signing, and Reigns and Cena knocked this segment out of the park. There are going to be people that didn’t like this segment because it featured Reigns and Cena, but WWE doesn’t go to the reality well too often which is why segments like this always work for me. The basis of this promo is that Reigns doesn’t need to fight Cena, and he’s right.

He’s been in the main event of three straight WrestleMania’s, retired the Undertaker at last year’s Mania and is clearly on his way to being John Cena 2.0. Cena’s job is to get under Reign’s skin and convince him to sign the contract, and John Cena does that better than anybody. Cena called out Reigns for his weak promo skills (while it looked like Reigns was in the middle of forgetting his lines) and told Roman that the only reason Cena is still even a part timer is because Roman can’t do his job right. That has to cut deep, and has a whole lot of truth to it. Cena still sells merchandise and tickets, and when WWE needs a ratings boost, it’s not Roman Reigns they turn to, it’s John Cena. Reigns pulled out the burying talking point and they mentioned heel turns and breaking the fourth wall, and while that feeds into the internet chatter more than anything else, it felt real and like I was watching two guys who didn’t really like each other.

It’s the same reason why Rock/Cena worked so well, and why it was the most watched WrestleMania in history. Add in a dose of reality every once in awhile with two guys who can pull it off and you’ll get some magic. It’s just funny that WWE is using magic to promote No Mercy. I’m going to pretend The Club didn’t come out to ruin the moment and that this segment ended with Reigns and Cena trying to rip each other apart.

Pelvis Wesley

Elias continues to be a great character and his weekly song about the city WWE is in is always a highlight. Unfortunately he’s still not in a meaningful feud, and last night he beat up Heath Slater in an Elvis costume. They were in Memphis, get it? Hey WWE, Elias and Goldust aren’t doing anything. Maybe use your 25+ veteran and have him work with your new guy who has lots of potential instead of whatever else you’re doing.

Main Event

The first four episodes of the Mae Young Classic premiered on the WWE Network after Raw (although they were available earlier in the day as well) so it made sense to put Alexa vs. Sasha as the main event, and the women delivered once again. Alexa & Sasha have great chemistry together, and I enjoyed the psychological aspect of the match with Sasha targeting Alexa’s arm and Alexa targeting Sasha’s back. The end result was the right call too, because you still have Nia Jax waiting in the wings, as Alexa promised her a title shot long ago. Alexa wins with her beautiful looking DDT, and Nia comes out to help Alexa celebrate. She hoisted Alexa up on her shoulder and walked around the ring with a smile, only to change expressions to stone face and drop Alexa on her back. It was a great moment, and Nia is long overdue for a title program. If this sets up Alexa vs. Nia at No Mercy, I’m all the way in.

-Ryan

Asuka Relinquished Her NXT Women’s Title At Last Night’s NXT Taping #WWENXT

Asuka is unquestionably the greatest champion in NXT history, and will go down as one of the best title holders in all of WWE. She’s undefeated dating back to October 2015 (!) and has had the NXT Women’s title since defeating Bayley at TakeOver Dallas in April 2016. Unfortunately one of those streaks has come to an end, as Asuka relinquished her NXT Women’s title at last night’s NXT taping. It was rumored that Asuka suffered a collarbone injury during her match with Ember Moon in Brooklyn, but even with the 6-8 week timetable for recovery I thought Asuka could get by without losing the belt. Turns out that won’t be happening, and it’s a very interesting move.

It’s been NXT tradition to have a champion drop the belt to a deserving challenger before moving on to the main roster (the latest example of that being Bobby Roode) but it’s been clear for a long time that Asuka was different from anyone else who has ever performed in NXT. Asuka truly was so dominant that I don’t think anyone should have taken the title from her, and while Ember Moon came the closest to dethroning her, I’m OK with her leaving NXT with a perfect record. Plus, Ember will eventually be on the main roster too, and Asuka hammering home the point that Ember never defeated her will make for a great third act in this rivalry.

-Ryan

Fans Surprising John Cena Is The Best Video You’ll Watch Today

Talk about a punch to the feelings bone. I feel like Michael Scott during the ‘Grief Counseling’ episode of The Office, except much happier. Whether you love or hate John Cena the wrestler, it’s become abundantly clear that John Cena the person is a pretty great guy. While my generation might not be the target audience for Cena and his message, it’s clear that his Never Give Up catchphrase has a positive effect on a lot of people. If you didn’t tear up when Tyler started telling his story then you have no soul.

-Ryan

WWE RAW Review (8/21/17): You Both Suck

Photo: WWE

Summerslam has come and gone, and outside of two good tag matches and a bat shit crazy main event, it felt like just another pay per view. Usually a show with three great matches would be considered a success, but Summerslam had THIRTEEN matches. 3/13 isn’t a great percentage for your biggest show of the summer. Alas, we’re now moving forward to the fall with the follow up Raw from Brooklyn. Let’s get to the review!

Average Nobodies note: make sure to follow us on Twitter – @averagenobodies and like us on Facebook – Facebook.com/AverageNobodies. We love talking pro wrestling, so you can comment on this post or reach out to us on social media if you want to join the discussion. You can also find all of our wrestling content by clicking the ‘wrestling’ tab under the banner on our home page.

Braun Strowman, MONSTER

It was going to be pretty hard for WWE to screw up a no DQ/no count out match featuring Lesnar, Reigns, Joe & Strowman, but the way Braun was booked in that match exceeded my expectations. He’s looked fantastic for pretty much this entire year, but Sunday night was magical. He destroyed everyone in his path, especially Brock Lesnar, and for the first time in Lesnar’s career he was stretchered out of a match. That’s badass. Braun didn’t end up winning the belt Sunday, but he made sure to remind Lesnar just how much of a monster he is last night. Lesnar/Strowman for the Universal title is confirmed for No Mercy, and I can’t wait to see these two go at it again.

Even though Lesnar is only around part time, it’s been refreshing watching him these last two pay per views. He put on a great match with Samoa Joe at GBOF, and was equally as great at Summerslam. He sold his ass off for Strowman and made him look like a legitimate monster, which is always great to see. It’s also going to  be interesting watching Lesnar play the underdog. He never was able to German Strowman at Summerslam, so if he’s finally able to at No Mercy, it’ll be a huge spot.

WHY, PART ONE

Big Cass and Enzo have been feuding since the late 70s, and even though Big Cass has taken out Enzo every time they’ve been in the ring together while also proving himself right that Enzo’s mouth gets him into fights he can’t win on his own, we got ANOTHER Enzo/Cass match last night. Cass beat Big Show at Summerslam, which for all intents and purposes should’ve been the end of the feud, but for some reason they booked a Brooklyn street fight instead last night. The match ended up being a throwaway due to Cass’s injury, which could go either way. We’ll know later on today if it was legitimate, but he did a great job of selling it if it wasn’t real. While you never want to see anyone get hurt, if this is the only way to end this feud and have both guys move on to literally anything else, I’m all for it.

WHY, PART TWO

Emma and Nia Jax fought again, and Nia murdered her again. In other news, the sky is blue, the grass is green and the POTUS likes to stare directly into the sun.

WHY, PART THREE

Elias is consistently one of my favorite parts of Raw, but WWE is testing my patience by pitting him against R-Truth. I understand they both have musically involved characters, but Elias is too good to be slumming it up with R-Truth. Elias wins easily, and I hope he moves onto something more meaningful very soon.

Cruiserweights

Gran Metalik, Rich Swann, Cedric Alexander & Mustafa Ali took on Drew Gulak, Noam Dar, Tony Nese & Ariya Daivari because there’s only time for one short, mashed together Cruiserweight match on WWE’s three hour wrestling show. If you’ve seen this match once, you’ve seen it a million times. Metalik, Swann, Alexander & Ali are all studs, but when they’re only given 5 minutes combined to show their stuff you’re going to get a crowd reaction like we saw last night, which was everyone more invested in the wave than the Cruiserweights. At this point talking about the Cruiserweights is like beating your head against a steel door, and until WWE changes up the way they’re present & wrestle, the crowd will continue not to care.

The Makings Of A Real Tag Team Division

The 1-2 punch of the Hardy’s vs. Rollins/Ambrose & Jason Jordan vs. Finn Balor was the best actual wrestling on the show, and I can get into Rollins/Ambrose as a take on all challengers type of team. They tore the house down at Summerslam with Sheamus & Cesaro (which shouldn’t have surprised anyone) and had another solid match last night with the Hardy’s. As good as the Hardy’s still are, knowing that the Broken characters are a possibility gets more and more distracting. I know there’s a ton of legal stuff to get sorted out, but all I want is for Broken Matt & Brother Nero to start tearing it up with Rollins, Ambrose, Sheamus & Cesaro. Nobody needed a change of scenery more than Ambrose, and putting him back with Rollins seems to have rejuvenated him the past few nights. If we can add a few more teams to the tag team division, we might be in for a great stretch of tag team wrestling.

Boss vs. Goddess

This wasn’t an ideal night for the Women’s division. Nia Jax squashed Emma, and the only other segment featuring the women was a short verbal confrontation between Sasha Banks & Alexa Bliss. We’ll get Bliss vs. Banks next week for the Women’s title, which is always a good to great match.

A Fresh Matchup

Earlier in the night Jason Jordan approached his dad backstage and asked for more competition, so Kurt Angle put him in a match with Finn Balor. Reading that sentence out loud is very weird. Anyways, Jordan vs. Balor was really good, and unfortunately this match was performed in front of a crowd that was going on hour 11 of wrestling over the past three days. I understand being disinterested in the Cruiserweights because WWE hasn’t given us a reason to care about 98% of the division, but you shouldn’t need a reason to get hype about Jason Jordan vs. Finn Balor. Jordan’s character isn’t polished yet, but he’s still an ace in the ring, and Balor is at his very best when he’s fighting a bigger, stronger guy. Balor winning is obviously the right call as he should always be in the upper mid card, and this could turn into a good story for Jordan as well, as he bit off more then he could chew and might need to readjust his game plan before going after some of the bigger fish on Raw.

Main Event – You Both Suck

Earlier in the night, Kurt Angle announced the newest Raw superstar, John Cena. You may have heard of him? Cena came out and did his usual song & dance, which summoned the protector of yards Roman Reigns. Thankfully the conversation was kept to a minimum between the two, because no two wrestlers sound more robotic and unrealistic than John Cena and Roman Reigns. Cena has the ability to at least elicit some passion if he’s really into a feud, but Reigns has the same monotone delivery whether he’s fighting in the main event of WrestleMania or he’s ordering chicken wings from a local restaurant.

The star of the first segment is The Miz, who once again ethered both Cena & Reigns with his ‘moments’ promo. Miz excels at blurring reality and wrestling storylines, and he always, always, always makes a good point. How many moments do Reigns & Cena get? It doesn’t matter how often they get cheered or booed, or how often they win or lose; at the end of the day, they’re still Roman Reigns & John Cena, so they’re going to be in the most important spots when it matters. Miz is having such a great year, and it’s a shame that even though he’s the IC champ, he’s far and away the third most important person when Reigns or Cena are around. The 1B star of this segment is obviously Bo Dallas’s jacket.

After Samoa Joe came out to confront Reigns and Cena, GM Kurt Angle made the main event a tag match between Cena/Reigns & Miz/Joe. If you guessed that the match would end with Cena AA’ing Miz and Raw going off the air with ‘tension’ between Cena & Reigns, then congratulations, you’ve been paying attention. Cena/Reigns is the money feud and I understand that, but I wish they didn’t have to do all this at the expense of their only mid card champion who consistently kicks ass on the microphone and in the ring. If you were wondering how the Brooklyn crowd felt about all of this, they end the night on a ‘You Both Suck’ chant. I feel you, Brooklyn.

Join us next week when John Cena & Roman Reigns continue to begrudgingly be friends.

-Ryan

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