Category Archives: Average Blog Posts

Average Blog Posts

Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.

Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.

Hollywood, and It’s Lack of Creativity

May 23

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“Richard Linklater hopes to start shooting the “spiritual sequel” to his film Dazed and Confused this fall, the director confirmed during an Ask Me Anything session on Reddit yesterday. Describing the film as “a college comedy,” Linklater added, “I feel like mixing it up with a big ensemble.”  As The A.V. Club points out, Linklater’s been talking about the Dazed and Confused sequel for quite some time now, with the film almost going into production under the title That’s What I’m Talking About. Linklater said back in 2010 that while he had financing in place for the film, he was still searching for a distributor.  The movie will reportedly take place over the course of a weekend at a college in 1980, and while it attempts to capture the style and feel of Dazed and Confused, Linklater has said that none of the characters from the original will reappear.”  -Jon Blistein, Rollingstone

Say it ain’t so.  While it does appear that the film will be a sequel in the sense of a 2nd feature coming from the director of Dazed and Confused, as opposed to using the same cast, time period, and theme, the green light of this movie is the perfect example of Hollywood’s lack of creativity.

Now, who doesn’t love Dazed and Confused?  That movie is all time.  There isn’t a single element of the film that can be complained about.  The cast, plot, time period, and even the soundtrack all work together so cohesively, it draws praise from a range of generations.  Even though the movie was set in a time before it was released, it remains relatable to any and everyone who’s gone to high school, and (hopefully) it will for a long time.

Grab your phone, and look at movies currently in theaters and/or coming soon.  Iron Man 3, Fast 6, The Hangover 3, The Great Gatsby, Star Trek, Man of Steel, Monsters University, Despicable Me 2, etc.  The list goes on of movies coming out that are sequels or remakes.  It begs the question, who has an original thought?   Now, I won’t get too high and mighty because I’ll probably burn some of my cash to see half of them,  but that’s the exact reason why they’re being made, the all mighty dollar, because we’ll all see them.  The fact that these movies come out in mass production these days should highlight original films coming out like “Only God Forgives” and “Elysium” (just two off the top of my head), but it drowns them.  I won’t go on some Indie movie crusade because I love a good superhero movie just as much as the next guy, but I’d like to leave you with saying, next time you go to the movies, do a little research on what you might want to see, have an open mind, and just see the damn thing.

-Berno

PS: If there’s one movie that may or may not still be in theaters right now that’s worth the 2 hours and 10 bucks, it’s Place Beyond the Pines.  Take your lady too, it’s got Gosling and Cooper in it, dynamic duo.

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Everyone Poops

May 23

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Ok so some asshole at a Houston Astros game decided to he was going to get a vendor fired for simply relieving himself in the bathroom. This guy decides he’s going to film this poor employee pooping! Oh and I guess it needs to be mentioned the vendor brought his product into the stall with him, sno cones. Semantics if you ask me but this fan decides he’s going to rat on the guy and get him fired. Well guess what asshole fan, everyone poops; Taro Gomi, the world’s foremost authority in dispensing of fecal matter, wrote a book about it, ever heard of a book?

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(A great read by the way, very enlightening while keeping the humor in the subject.)

Anyways I guess in order to maintain professional, unbias journalism I have to include a picture of the incident.

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Congratulations Astros fan, you’ve help to raise America’s quarterly unemployment rate.

All that being said, I’ll probably never order a sno cone again. Or a fudgesicle for that matter…for obvious reasons.

P.S. Poop humor is still funny.

-Sean Lite-

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Sierra Mist, The Gateway Soda

May 23

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In the battle of soft drinks, one stands above the rest.  Atop this heap of “100%” juices, iced teas, sports drinks, and mango fusion fee-fee drinks a titan rises.  The drink I speak of is….actually, lets start this story somewhere else.

I’m out on the town, wearing my finest bow tie and slacks (I like to picture myself walking the streets of France wearing this, even though all I wear is basketball shorts and tee shirts) and I come across a local watering hole, maybe it’s Texas Road House, maybe it’s not (It is).  I am seated at my table, and who, but Kate Upton, comes to take my drink order (This is my story, and what I say, goes)!  After we swap numbers and spit she asks what I would like to drink.  At the time, I am in the mood for a clear soda, in which, Sprite, is the only way to go. I order my Sprite, and Katie responds with the mind numbing, “is Sierra Mist ok?”.  Alas! they only serve Pepsi products.  This puts a damper on my thirst quest.  No person in their right mind orders Sierra Mist, it’s the poor man’s Sprite, and when it comes to soft drinks I am no poor man.  But then it hits me! Pepsi products you say? In that case, I will have a MOUNTAIN DEW.  Mountain Dew, the clear number one choice in soft drinks. The Bonnie to my Clyde, the bacon to my eggs, and the soda for whom I beg.  Now, while I sit here and enjoy my Dew, I think of the one thing that made this all possible, Sierra Mist.  Thank you Sierra Mist, thank you for being so terrible.
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-Mattyv

P.S. The one exception to the rule is beer, if beer is on the menu that is what you drink.

Random quote of the day > “Fuck a mixtape!” -T.I.

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Nobody puts Jennifer Aniston In A Corner

May 23

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Recently Angelina Jolie let Brad Pitt out of the house and allowed him to attend the world premiere of his new film World War Z. If we need one thing in this world, its another post apocalyptic movie where one weirdly in shape man takes on a bunch of zombies. I’m not here to bash the movie, because I’ll probably see it and fall madly in love with it. I do, however, have a problem with his unflattering comments towards Miss Jennifer Aniston. For anyone who missed it, he claims that his marriage to Aniston was boring and he had an “epiphany” during the relationship which restarted his life and blah blah blah.

Let me get this straight: making sweet love to one of the most beautiful woman on the planet, spending months vacationing around the world, endless ketchup fights and arguing over who makes more money is a boring marriage? I’d stay with her just for the ketchup fights, nevermind the other perks. But maybe Brad didnt like that life. He wanted a simpler life without the public spotlight constantly shining on him. What’s his next move? He hooks up with the ice queen herself, Angelina Jolie. I’m not one to judge, but anyone who has made out with her brother and wore a vile of Billy Bob Thorton’s blood around her neck would’nt be my ideal spouse. I’m picking that “boring” lifestyle every goddamn day. Enjoy your new exciting life with your League of Nations children, Mr. Pitt. We’ll see you in the sunshine.

-Ryan

P.S. – In the real world, that “epiphany” you had is called cheating on your wife you beautiful piece of shit.

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Oklahoma

May 23

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Tragedy struck this past week in Oklahoma, where an F-5, the largest of it’s class, tornado ravaged homes and lives in middle America.  The focus of these events should be on helping the victims of the natural disaster, but I have to imagine that it will turn into a blame game sooner than later.  People pointing fingers at who could have done what, and who’s fault it is.  It’s no one’s fault, but mother natures.  That’s why it’s called a natural disaster.  In the next few days I can see politicians running to the front lines to argue  their positions on the event for political gain.  However, the only thing that should matter is the rebuilding of the lives the tornado had destroyed.  If we just had more time we could have gotten Bill Paxton down there to show this ‘nado who’s boss, but lady nature answers to no one;  Not even Bill Paxton.

On a more serious note, I’m sure there will be all types of statistics coming out about damage in dollars, injuries  and unfortunately, deaths, but the number that matters at this point is 90999.  Text the word REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 dollars in relief for the victims of Oklahoma F-5 tornado, if I’m not mistaken it gets added right onto your cell phone bill, and every donation goes a long way.  Stay safe Oklahoma, our thoughts and prayers are with you.

-Berno

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Plaxico Buress has Been Planning to Take Over the Sock Business for Years!

May 22

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plaxico

Look out Calvin Klein, the Plax is coming in hot with a line of socks that are going to absolutely burn the sock market to the ground! I’ve been wondering why Plax’s NFL production has been substantially lowered the last couple of years. Stupid me thought it was due to the self inflicted gunshot wound to the leg, or perhaps the sentence he served for carrying and discharging a weapon in a public place! How did I not see this coming?

“I’ve been planning my sock line from behind the scenes for a couple of years; nobody even knew I was doing it…So it’s a lot of hard work that got me to this point.”

He has spending years on this project, years! I bet you’re excited as I am, can’t wait to get my hands on the dozens of pairs of socks he’s spent the last few years working on. But, alas, we will be disappointed my friends. Plax has only designed four pairs. Just the four. Oh and here is the pair that Plax considers to be the “alpha dog”.

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“The Spot Runner” -oh I just got that…

Hot fire Plax! Bravo! Four years of straight ingenuity right there, would’ve taken me at least 5 and that’s if I had double,  DOUBLE the time to sew in a jail as Plaxy did.

His next victims will be the belt, cufflink and bowtie industries.  Fair warning.

-Sean Lite-

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Cowboys Fans Can’t Win

“Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo will miss OTAs after undergoing surgery to remove a cyst on his back, according to various reports. He’s still expected to return in time for training camp, and the surgery was characterized as “minor. “If this was the regular season and I had to play next week, I could,” Romo told the Dallas Morning News on Monday night. “This is just about being smart. “That’s why I did it now. This will have no effect on training camp. No way will it have an impact. And I still think there’s a good chance I’m on the field for mini-camp.” Romo, one of the most-scrutinized quarterbacks in the entire league, will face even more examination this year after signing a $108 million contract extension in March and with the front office publicly stating that Romo can lead the Cowboys to a championship. Romo, who’s expected to miss at least three weeks, said his back had been nagging him this off-season. The team website writes that Romo hasn’t been participating in off-season throwing sessions with the team, and he hasn’t played golf like usual. “It was something I felt like was nagging me just enough,” Romo told the Morning News. “I wanted to make sure to get it done now. I wanted to take care of it earlier rather than later … “It was not much of anything. I just went in and had them look at it. It was more of an ache than anything. I just thought, ‘Well, it’s something I’d rather not feel.’” For this week’s OTAs, it’s expected that backup Kyle Orton will lead the first team offense.” –CBSSports

Talk about a kick in the nuts. You know when every Cowboys fan read that Romo was having surgery they were telling each other how much they hate coloring and electrocuting themselves all over Texas (I’m assuming every Cowboys fan is like my friend). Have no fear Cowboys fans, he’ll be back for training camp, cyst-less and full of brand new ideas that will ruin your entire season. If they weren’t the owner and quarterback of the largest franchise in sports, respectively, I truly think Jerry Jones and Romo could go on tour as a comedy team. Jerry Jones comes out to warm up the crowd: “Hey kids, you want to see $108 million dissappear?”. Romo comes out, attempts to throw a pass to Jones but it sails over his head and knocks some lady unconscious, then sprints off stage. I’d pay top dollar to see that show. All jokes aside, do Cowboys fans really expect anything from this group? I know Jones had his success with the greatest gay athlete of all-time, Troy Aikman, in the early 90s, but that was literally 20 years ago. He’s going to be 100 years old soon. And anyone who continues to support someone who broke up with Carrie Underwood is bat shit crazy. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it once, if his off the field decision making is shaky, he’s going to drop an important snap and throw the ball to the other team.

I can’t completely bash the Cowboys, though. There are a few silver linings. The great Kyle Orton will take Romo’s place until he returns. To be honest, I’m just happy to hear Kyle Orton is still alive. The fact that he isn’t face down in a ditch with some hooker is absolutely amazing. At least after this year, the Cowboys can wash their hands with Romo and start from scratch…oh wait, you paid him $108 million over the next six years! Enjoy the cheerleaders. SIX MORE YEARS! SIX MORE YEARS! SIX MORE YEARS!

– Ryan

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Nothing Like A Casual Craigslist Search

May 22

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“Looking for someone to paint me as a centaur (west warwick) – I want someone to paint me as a centaur. Bottom half horse top half me. Please be able to actually paint. I will need to see other work you have done. Shoot me and email and give me a price. maybe we can meet in a park one day and i’ll pack a lunch. But seriously, this is legit.”

I knew I should have taken art classes when I was a kid! This is a post, directly from Craigslist, that I received from a inside source.  First, let me first point out, power move by wanting to be painted as a centaur.  No little bitch real animals like a tiger or lion, NO, a creature straight from fucking myth!  Personally I would have gone the griffin route, but I applaud your tenacity.  As epic as this sounds, and it seems like you have all your bases covered, let me just say if you have to explain what a centaur is to your painter, then they are not ready to paint you.  Be a little more selective, pal.  You run a convincing argument all the way up until the last few lines. “maybe we can meet in a park one day and i’ll pack a lunch”. Really? A guy who desires a mural of himself painted as a centaur wants to meet in a park? I was expecting him to either invite me to his yacht or his trailer home, all i’m saying is that it could go either way.  Pack a lunch? Is this turning into a picnic? Because if so, I am even angrier that I cannot paint.  There is nothing like a good picnic, the sites, the sounds, feeding each other fresh fruits…….I digress.  Not even the great Bob Ross (RIP) could get me prepared for this job.  But at least we know that this offer is “Legit”.
ImageDon’t you give up, someday you will find your artist, and they will paint you wearing this, and only this.
-Mattyv
P.S. Just so it’s clear, Bill Paxton discovered the Titanic.

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