Category Archives: Average Blog Posts

Average Blog Posts

Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.

Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.

I Have a Woody for this Woolly

…A paleontological expedition from the Research Institute of Applied Ecology of the North, North-Eastern Federal University, and the Russian Geographical Society discovered a female mammoth in a remarkably good state of preservation in the Novosibirsk archipelago in Siberia. North-Eastern Federal University has partnered with controversial South Korean cloning scientist Hwang Woo-Suk (who was found to have faked data involving a procedure to clone human embryonic stem cells) for a mammoth-cloning effort… – CNet

Wooly

Scanning through my G+ feed this morning I stumbled across this article and I immediately got a science hard-on.  A Woolly Mammoth just chilling (quite literally) in Siberia.  The ancient giant is so well intact that its muscle tissue and blood almost perfectly preserved. “The fragments of muscle tissues, which we’ve found out of the body, have a natural red color of fresh meat” (Full article here)  This of course led me to one interesting thought…..Mammoth Chili! No, I kid, i kid.  Cloning of course! and these researchers had the same idea.  So much so, they are enlisting the help of cloning “bad-boy” Hwang Woo-Suk (What a name) to help them out.  So what does this mean for the future? It means that I am going to have a Woolly Mammoth, Kevin, to help guard my collection of Ferraris.

BOOYAH

-MattyV

P.S. Do I smell a real life Jurassic Park?

This Police Officer Just Reinvented the Pepper Spray Protestors Game Forever

I’ve never seen such fury, such tenacity, such determination. He’s treating these protestors like they’re Nazi Zombies just plowing through them with no regard for human life! Hard as a Mother Fucker, no prisoners, no mercy. About to fall? Nope, caches his balance and continues ruining these people’s day without missing a beat. If i had half this determination I would be a billionaire by now.

-Sean Lite-

I Looked Up “Insane” in the Dictionary and Here’s What I Found

Joanna Rohrback invented Prancercise – “A springy, rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse’s gait” – back in 1989, but it never caught on. -Huff Post

“Never caught on”?…Oh? You don’t fucking say?  The only people that would ever create something like this ate paint chips as a child.  If you do this, please admit yourself into the nearest padded room.  That way I don’t have to track you down and do it myself. Also, find me the composer of that music!  I assume he got into porn after this.

-MattyV

P.S. Anyone else think this lady had a love affair with a horse?

P.S.S. I Spy Camel Toe!

Just Your Average Sword vs. Nunchuck Fight in an Abandoned Field

It’s all fun and games until you get hit in the throat with a nunchuck. That will stop you in your tracks any day of the week. I gotta say when I started this video I truly had no idea what to expect. You have two semi grown men, one dressed as Inspector Gadget and the other as an extremely overweight Robin Hood. To say they delivered would be the understatement of the century. Frankly I can’t understand a word either of them are saying, and this literally looked like it was filmed in the middle of nowhere.

With that said, how does the kid with the sword not beat the kid with the nunchuk’s? Unless your facing an actual ninja, there is no way in hell you you even let the nunchuk’s get near your throat. Constant stabbing motions until you finally get him, right in the heart. I must say I do love the pageantry. There are method actors and then their are these guys. Putting it all on the line, not for the glory, but for the love of the fight.

P.S. If this is what me and my friends look like when we fake wrestle at the bars then I’m never drinking again.

– Ryan

Body slam touchdown! Football players to wrestlers

Don’t sleep on the WWE. Last week Hall of Famer Jim Ross met with the NFLPA concerning a potential deal that would see ex NFL players have the chance to join the sports entertainment company. This is a smart move for multiple reasons. The physical build of NFL athletes and WWE superstars are very similar. While I’m aware wrestling is fake, the mindset needed to excel in these fields are also very similar. Throw in the fact that many former football players, including The Rock, Ron Simmons and Bill Goldberg, have become household wrestling names, and you have a recipe for success. In case you didn’t know, the Average Nobodies are huge football and wrestling fans. Once we heard the news of a possible collaboration, we sprinted to the liquor store, grabbed personal 30s, and started to develop wrestling personas for former NFL greats. Imagine Barry Sanders as a high flying luchador, or Ryan Leaf as a former quarterback turned crackhead. The possibilites are endless! Without further ado, here are the 4 newest additions to the WWE roster:

Bill Romanowski Bill Romanowskia.k.a Cowboy Bill
a.k.a The Roman
a.k.a BillRo Baggins
This psychopath billed from outside of Dallas TX (really from CT) is an obvious heel. He’s been on numerous tag teams, all starting with success but ending when he unravels and explodes on his teammate, usually resulting in burying his partner by injury. He’s a former tag team champion, but now wants a go at singles championship gold. He takes aim at anyone in his sights, especially quarterbacks. The call him cowboy because of his outlaw ways, cheating to win and hurting people who get in his way. Watch out WWE there’s a new rebel in town and he wants everyone’s gold.
Style: Brawler/brute
Finishers:
Steroid Slam
Flying head stomp off the top turnbuckle
Texas Eye Gouge
Submission:
Crippler cross face
-Berno
Doug FlutieDoug Flutiea.k.a Dougie Flutes
a.k.a Flutie Pebbles
a.k.a Flutie Scrambles
a.k.a Underdog
a.k.a The Little Giant
a.k.a The Mist
Five foot- ten inches, weighing in at 180 bs. This retired QB is inch for inch, pound for pound the greatest arm to ever enter the WWE ring. An obvious face in the WWE universe, his biggest rival is Steve Young for the top spot as premier WWE QB as well as Kofi Kingston and of course autism and gun violoence.
Style:
Air it out/Aerial
Signature Moves:
The Beantown Beatdown
The Seven Step Drop
The Boston Massacre
Submission:
Drop Kick to Heisman Grapple

-Seanlite-

The Barber BrothersThe Barber Brothers

a.k.a The Billionaire Barber Brothers
a.k.a The Barbershop Duo
a.k.a The Brothers Grimm

Ronde and Tiki will hit the WWE tag team division by storm, taking out the likes of the Shield, Team Hell No, and the Wyatt Family. These brothers are no strangers to a fight, each specializing in offense (Tiki) and defense (Ronde). Not to mention they are filthy rich and now hold the million dollar belt. Which they renamed “The Billion Dollar Belt” after beating the shit out of Ted Dibiase Jr. One retiring from football extremely early, and the other staying in the game to steal roster spots from young hopefuls, shows that they are heels in every sense of the word.
Style: Tag Team
Finishers:
The Barber Beat Down
The 2B
The Barberline
Twins Tower Toss
Submissions: Double Arm Bar…ber -Matt

Steve Young
Steve Young
a.k.a. Johnny Utah
a.k.a. Lord Steven Young
a.k.a. The Brain Basher
I’m a lifelong 49er fan, so naturally I had to go with one of my favorite players, Steve Young. On the football field, Steve (yes we’re on a first name basis) was known primarily for his throwing accuracy as quarterback for one of the greatest sports dynasties in history. In the wrestling ring, the hard punching southpaw is going with a baby face (good guy) persona. As a wrestler, he re-adopts his given name and pays homage to his home state. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world of Johnny Utah. Utah starts off as a fan favorite, living the Mormon lifestyle and defeating his opponents with a variety of movies, including the Salt Lake Splash and the Mormon Stretch. Just like Steve’s career, a concussion knocks him out of action, and the WWE Universe is left in stunned silence, not knowing if Johnny Utah will ever fight again. Unlike Steve’s career, Johnny Utah comes back as a sex crazed bad guy who blurs the line between scripted wrestling and reality. He is ultimately kicked out of the WWE for defaming America and having sex with every other wrestler’s mother. A sad end to a promising career.
Style: Technician Extraordinare
Finisher: The Salt Lake Splash
Submissions: The Mormon Stretch, The Figure Eight Leg-lock
Ryan
_The Average Nobodies_

This Guy is Fucking Awesome at Catching Lama Spit in His Eye

I didn’t know this was a thing, but this guy must be there best there is!

-Sean Lite-

Ouu Zee Double Team

r-the-sexxxton-large570

I like to consider myself a connoisseur, a connoisseur of the adult video variety, if you will.  This story is so hot on the webternet right now, it’s melting my screen (not at work).  It’s about these two broads, WHO HAPPEN TO BE MOTHER AND DAUGHTER, looking for a father son duo to star with them in their next scene.  Now, I’ve never laid my eyes on these two in action before, but from an amateur standpoint, they got some potential.  I mean they’re no Amia Miley or Lisa Ann, but they’ve got potential.

Regardless if they find their prince charmings or not, I, in quite a disturbing fashion, thought, “hm, I wonder if me and my old man threw out hats into the ring here”.   Now, to give you some background, I’m close to 6′ tall, 185 lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal, my dad is about 5′-9′, 300 lbs of corned beef and crooked teeth.  I’ve thought I may be a product of a mail man, but he and I aren’t, how you say, the same color.  But that’s neither here nor there.  If me and the white rhino got together with these two lovely ladies, there is no doubt in my mind we would put on a show that would make Scott Nails and Johnny Sins look a couple of chumps.  What we lack in size and endurance will be made up for ten fold with showmanship and charisma.

However, the big guy is spoken for and we come as a package (get it) deal.  I forgot to mention they go by the stage name of Sexxxton, pretty clever.  You can call us the Bern-Ohhhs.  Drink it in.

-Berno

James Lipton: A Man of the People

The man. The myth. The legend. And the pimp.

That’s right, everyones favorite TV host recently revealed he was a pimp in Paris during the 1950s. I can’t say I blame the guy. Post World War 2 Paris probably wasn’t booming with jobs. Your a handsome 25 year old man, why not try your hand at the prostitution game.

I’m not saying I approve of prostitution, but if I were a woman in 1950s Paris I’d be begging for James Lipton to be my pimp. How many pimps do you know that go on to become accomplished writers, composers and a dean emeritus of an acting school? He is the definition of a gentleman and a scholar, especially the way he conducted himself as a pimp. He “became great friends” with one of the prostitutes and “pandered a whole bordello of women”. I don’t know what “pandering a bordello” means, but it sounds wonderful, and everyone in the pimp game should take notes. He makes prostitution sound as wholesome as Sunday dinner with the family. Yet another reason why James Lipton has the greatest resume in the history of the world. End scene

– Ryan