Category Archives: Average Blog Posts

Average Blog Posts

Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.

Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.

I Got a Fever, and the Only Prescription, is More Pharoah!

Jun 7

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I am a huge fan of sketch comedy, have been for quite some time. All That, Chapelle’s Show, Kroll Show, Madd TV, you name it, I probably have watched it.  But no sketch comedy show even touches the caliber of Saturday Night Live.  Saturday NIght Live has been a titan in the Sketch comedy industry since the 70’s.  Every great comedy star has come from SNL roots, and you haven’t made it in this world unless you have hosted or were a musical guest on the show.  With that being said, SNL is seriously dropping the ball on Jay Pharoah.  The guy, who me and me friends joke, does his quota of one sketch and then thats it.  The video below shows that he is more than just a Obama impersonator. Check him KILL a Lil Wayne Impression on the XM Radio Show ‘Sway in the Morning’.


-MattyV

P.S. That was better than anything Lil Wayne has put out since the ‘No Ceilings’ mix tape

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Yoko Ono Continues to be Insane

Jun 7

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It’s Friday, and the Yokester continues to tweet her sweet little ass off. Lets explore the world of Twitter through the words of Yoko Ono.

@yokoono: All my life, I have been in love with the sky. Even when everything was falling apart around me, the sky was always there for me.

– nothing like a good sky tweet to start off your day. I really wanted to dissect this tweet and find some sort of hidden meaning, but I think some things just aren’t meant to be understood. Some people have family. Some people have friends. Yoko has the sky.

@yokoono: All of us will soon be able to stay alive for as long as we want to.

– oh Yoko. The ultimate optimist. She’s starting to sound like Ricky Bobby from Talladega Nights. Although I can’t say I’ll be surprised if she ends living to be 200 years old. Maybe having the sky as your only friend is some type of weird secret to longevity. All I know is she’s healthier at 80 than I am at 24.

P.S. @WeirdosTV: @yokoono I agree. I plan to live for 999 years. Like John, the number 9 has great significance for me.

– the insanity never stops when Yoko is involved. My question is how pissed would you be if you died at 999? If I’m sticking around that long I need to live to be 1,000. Need it more than anything I’ve accomplished in my 999 years on this and any other planet that I’m naturally king of. In my eyes I have to be king. I’m immortal. Unless I die at 999 and then I’m a failure. Holy shit did I digress. Anyway Yoko, WeirdosTV: keep bringing the crazy. And remember, the sky in need is a friend indeed. Have a great weekend.

-Ryan

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Making the Rest of Us Look Bad

First off, I have had the same rubik’s cube for 12 years and I have yet to solve it. Secondly, go fuck yourself buddy.  Making the rest of us look like helmet-wearing drooling idiots.  “Ronni Rubik’s Cube” over here is lucky that Biebs decided to go into space or else he would be my main target.  Look at his hands, I can’t even see him twisting the cubes.  This has to be the most impressive juggling act I have ever seen.  Some people would argue flaming swords is, but i’m not convinced.  Flaming swords are way less dangerous than they look (I am basing this off of the 2 times i’ve seen it done).  Hey big shot, i’d like to see how your gonna outdo yourself now.

-MattyV

P.S. Robots will be doing this with 5 cubes before you can blink.  Enjoy the spotlight while you still can.

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Could You Repeat That?

Jun 6

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I don’t think the Rhode Island School For the Deaf realizes that their students can see. No need for size 400 font in caps lock.

-MattyV

Photo Cred: Peter Hanney

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Oh, What a Wonderful Time of the Year!

Jun 6

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The sun’s out, birds are chirping, bears are murdering penguins, and we are 90 days away from the kickoff of the 2013 NFL season!  In case you use other units of measure: That’s 3 months, 2,160 hours, 129,600 minutes, 7,776,000 seconds, and 39.7392° N, 104.9842° W (Coordinates of Denver, CO, the opening game).  While i’m stoked (bringing back ‘Stoked’) for the all the teams to hit the field I am more excited for what that means for me and 9 of my friends; FANTASY FOOTBALL.  Now, while players are putting in their blood, sweat, and tears in OTA’s and mini camps, I, the commish of our league, am working tirelessly to get the league dusted off and firing on all cylinders.  Besides the beginning of head 2 head action, this is the most exciting time of fantasy football for these 3 reasons:

  1. Developing Team Names – Brainstorming fantasy team names is pretty much on my mind year-round.  It is the ultimate complement to a dominant team.  Lets face it, you’ve never seen “The Red Cucumbers” win fantasy gold; have you?  It’s the team names dripping in irony and double meanings that capture the hearts and jealousy of everyone in your league.  Some of my past names include: The California Cool Dollars, The Virginia Convicks, Corn on the Kolbs, and the Psychotic Penguins.  Some pretty awesome names, if i do say so myself (And I DO!).  But, this year, I have really outdone myself.  The team that will lead me to victory is……Attempted Murder!
    crow
  2. Draft Strategies –  While, this is where the majority of my sleep deprivation comes from, I love cooking up a good draft strategy.  RB, RB, RB, QB? TE, RB, QB? K, K, K, D/ST? The possibilities are endless! While others will tell you your way is wrong, don’t listen, because you’re ALL wrong,’cept me.
  3. Trash Talking – Warm up those vocal cords and practice your typing, because this is the beginning of trash talking for fantasy football.  While the ASSHOLE (you know who you are) who won your league last year thinks his luck will carry over into this season, ada….HE…he is out of his mind.  It’s anyones game (even you John Lynch) and your smack talk should reflect that.

So log on, pick an name, and flaunt what the good lord gave you. It’s a beautiful time to be alive.

-MattyV

P.S. This is also sleeper season, keep those peepers open.

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The Re-Rise of Justin Bieber

Jun 6

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Justin Bieber is going to space.

God. Damnit. I was so full of hate. I felt alive for the first time in years. I despised Justin Bieber with the fire of a thousand subs. I even wrote a post about his demise a few weeks ago. The icing on the cake was his outfit at the Heat game on Monday. I was too full of joy to even write about it. I would have bet anything that he would fade into bolivian and we’d never have to hear that beautiful voice again. Wrong (Charlie Murphy voice). According to my super secret source (the internet) the Biebs is going to space. Not only is he going to space, but he’s going with one of the coolest people on the planet: Sir Richard Branson. While attempting to read the article, I learned that it will cost Bieber $250,000, a stiff price for 99% of the people who live on this planet. Then I continued to the read the article and learned that Justin Bieber made $55 million last year. If that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself then I don’t know what does. Moral of the story: Justin Bieber isn’t falling, he’s soaring. Stuffing any supermodel he wants, wiping his ass with $100 bills and flying to fucking outer space. Oh, and he’s 19. I will now go play in traffic.

– Ryan

P.S. If anything I’m scared for Justin Bieber. Once Matt finds out Bieb’s is going to space there won’t be a force in this world that will stop Matt from finding him and killing him.

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Just What the Doctor Ordered: Part 2

Jun 6

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Domino’s Pizza is introducing it’s next delivery gimmick as a “domicopter”, a flying drone that will deliver your pizza to your doorstep.

Looks like its time for me to invest in a rifle. I’m gonna sit on my front porch and pick these bad boys outta the sky for sport. Yea, I’ll probably indulge in one here and there, but the real fun lies in fucking up Domino’s plan to become the real world version of Skynet.

But seriously do we really need flying pizzas? How do you even pay one of these things? Give them the wrong address, intercept the drone, take pizza, make profit.

A wise man once said “retro fit one of these with a taco holder and I’ll change my tune”. Or something like that.

-Sean Lite-

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Saxby Chambliss, The Wordsmith

Jun 6

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Saxby Chambliss has done it again. The senior U.S. Senator from Georgia who so eloquently bashed gay marriage back in March by stating “I’m not gay. So I’m not going to marry one” is back in the news, this time for comments he made during a Senate Armed Forces Committee. While addressing the committee, Chambliss stated “The young folks who are coming into each of your services are anywhere from 17 to 22 or 23. Gee whiz, the hormone level created by nature sets in place the possibility for these types of things to occur. So we’ve got to be very careful how we address it on our side”. In Mr. Chambliss’s defense, he did reprimand the militarys lack of action on this issue which has clearly spiraled out of control. When the man in charge of the Air Force’s sexual assaualt prevention program is ARRESTED FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT, I think its time for a change. I hate to talk politics, mainly because its a never ending argument that ends up with both sides sticking their feet in the mud, but the fact that a senior United States Senator is making these kind of statements is alarming. I support gay marrriage, but I absolutely understand that some people feel differently. However, “I’m not gay. So I’m not going to marry one” is not an acceptable argument to debuke gay marriage. While most of his 6 minute speech at the committee hearing was positive, even the inclusion of the word hormones in a sexual assualt hearing is ridiculous. If these comments were overheard at a bar or a baseball game, we could chalk it up to ignorance. Saxby Chambliss has served two terms as Senator of Georgia. His stance on issues affect this country, and thats scary to me.

America is great. It provides its people rare freedoms that arent afforded to the majority of this world. With that said, America is rotten, and it starts at the top, with both parties to blame. If the top of the tree is poisoned, it will eventually trickle down and poison the entire tree, and the entire tree in this analogy is our society. Saxby Chambliss is retiring after his current term. If only the resolution were that easy.

– Ryan

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