Be sneaky this weekend.
Video Credit – BuzzFeed
Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.
Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
I’m Never Traveling to Florida Again
“Looks like this guy wasn’t using his noodle. Randy Zipperer, 49, is accused of stabbing his younger brother following an argument about missing macaroni and cheese. A witness told deputies in Volusia County, Fla. that Randy and his brother, 47-year-old Edward Zipperer, started arguing over Randy’s missing macaroni and cheese, the Daytona Beach News-Journal reported. His younger brother helped him look, but during the mac-hunt, Edward knocked over a beer Randy had been drinking. The spill allegedly made Randy even angrier, and deputies say he began waving around a knife that wound up inserted in his brother’s stomach. When deputies arrived, Edward had a small puncture wound in his abdomen. Investigators noted a trail of blood between the kitchen and bedroom, according to Click Orlando. Randy allegedly admitted that “I poked him a little with the knife, but I didn’t mean to.” He has been charged with aggravated battery and obstructing an officer without violence.” – HuffPost
What the hell is in the water in Florida? Yesterday we had the chip thief/rapist murderer Jacky Rogers, and today we have Randy Zipperer, the Mac N’ Cheese stabber. To be honest, I’m not surprised that someone who looks like Randy stabbed someone over missing Mac N’ Cheese. He’s got no teeth, a rapist smile and that far off look that I’m assuming murderers get right before they finish their victim. If you showed me Randy’s picture without telling me the news story, I’d probably guess he stabbed someone on my second or third try. That’s what people who look like that do. In Randy’s defense, it seemed like he was going to let the missing Mac N’ Cheese slide. He may have been starving to death, but at least he had his beer. Then Edward had to go and take that away from Randy too. If someone were to lose my Mac N’ Cheese, then spill my beer, I’d turn into a knife wiedling maniac too. The most shocking part of this story is that Randy is 49. He’s got to be the oldest looking 49 year old in the world.
– Ryan
Life Lessons From Yoko Ono
It’s Friday. Let’s get Yoked.
“@yokoono: This is an invisible tree safe from somebody trying to cut it down.”
– Starting it off white hot. If there’s a type of person I hate in this world, it’s the large population of people trying to cut down invisible trees. Where do you get off trying to destroy these invisible trees? Don’t you know invisible animals rely on the shelter these invisible trees provide? Yoko always looking out for those in need, especially if they’re invisible. (The scariest part of this tweet: 400 RTs. Dangerously insane people)
“@yokoono: All of us will very soon be able to grow back every part of our body.”
– I can’t blame Yoko on this one. I mix up lizards and humans all the time. And who’s to say that some lizard man living in the Amazon isn’t already running around naked regenerating limbs like some kind of sorcerer. I wouldn’t be surprised if Clooney could already do it. Oh my sweet Clooney
“@yokoono: I had a dream in which beautiful, pure stars, millions of them, were sparkling and filling a large, large space.”
– You don’t have to dream anymore Yoko! There is a sky, and millions of stars too! I have dreams about taking Jennifer Lawrence to nice seafood dinners, meanwhile Yoko over here is dreaming about stars in the sky. You tell me who the crazy one is.
Stay frosty.
– Ryan
How To Rent A House (For A Summer Party)
So I graduated from college a few years back and I’ve become a bigger piece of shit than I could have ever imagined. I mean I know I was on my way, but whatever. My current boss is also my former landlord. When I was a senior, my buddies and I rented his house…and trashed it. I’ve been working for him for a year and a half now, and I’ve been reminded of it every day. Every piece of furniture got broken, holes in the wall, carpets destroyed (pun totally intended), and bathrooms too gross for for Deuce Bigalow’s dad to clean. This is my cross to bare.
Now if you’re renting a house this summer, here’s a few tips.
1. Never rent it from someone you know
2. Remove everything that can break aka make it look like a bare walled serial killers cottage
3. Kegs over cans
4. Try not to wrestle, I mean really try
5. If need be, puke outside, not in a bed/couch, same with pissing…and screwing?
6. One cowboy hat per gang
7. The less shirts the better
8. Involve a water activity with a drinking game (girls go nuts for that shit)
9. Someone needs to bring a dog that drinks beer because it’s hilarious
10. Get drunk while you clean up
This list can be edited of course, but you get my point. I’m trying to party, not win a lifetime achievement award. For a few ideas, check out the video below and let the games begin!
+Berno
Florida Man Gains Potato Chips, Loses His Mind.
“Wonder if the flavor was ‘Assault and Vinegar.’ After being arrested for stealing potato chips from a Naples, Fla. drug store, Jacky Rogers told the deputy he would find, rape and kill his family, according to an arrest report obtained by Naples News. Rogers, 28, allegedly told the drug store manager, “I am hungry, man, I need to eat,” Fox 4 Now reported. He also allegedly told the Collier County deputies handcuffing him that he would “whip” their “a–es.” Rogers is charged with petty theft, according to the Collier County Sheriff’s Office. Arrest records show this is the sixth time he’s been jailed over the past two years, on charges including theft and battery.” – HuffPost
A man’s gotta eat. I can’t blame Jacky Rogers. In college I stole eggs and bags of chips from convenience stores when having beer money was an absolute necessity, although judging by his mugshot it looks like he might need heroin money. I think there are two very important questions that need to be asked here. What kind of chips was Jacky so obsessed with? If they were Cool Ranch Doritos then the cops owe Jacky an apology. You can’t expect a man to act rational when CRD’s are involved. He probably just saw blue and went for the kill. Give the guy a break. The second question is how does the same guy who steals a bag of chips threaten to murder and rape a cops family? I feel like chip thieves don’t dabble in the rape/murder game. All I know is I need that “assault and vinegar” line in my repertoire immediately. Game changing creativity.
– Ryan
P.S. If it turns out he stole Sun Chips they should give him the death penalty.
Top 10 [Active] Sports Nicknames
Few things give me more of a stiffy than a good nickname. I’m not just talking about willy-nilly handing out monikers. The kind i’m talking about are the ones that always stay with you, the ones that have deep meaning and just roll off the tip of your tongue. So here is my list (in no specific order) of the best nicknames in sports today. I tried diversifying between sports as best I could or else they all would have been NFL players.
1.) J.J. Swatt
The man with tennis rackets for arms, J.J. Watt
2.) The Freak
Tim Lincecum, the kid who looks like he shouldn’t even be able to reach home plate, never mind 100mph.
3.) The Muscle Hamster
As much has Doug Martin wants to shake this nickname, he never will and we won’t let him! FEED HIM
4.) The Little Ball of Hate/Nose Face Killah
The small pup who’s ready to take on any big dog that steps in his yard. (He also has a huge schnoz)
5.) Smoke
The Bass Pro Shop car is the most badass ride in all of racing
6.) Beast Mode
Give this guy some skittles and let him run free.
7.) The Durantula
The only spider I like
8.) Megatron
Transforms into a touchdown machine when he steps his cleats on the field.
9.) The Flying Tomato
Red headed, Olympic and X-Games gold medalist? This tomato has got some grapes.
10.) The King of Kings
HHH aka “The Three H’s”
-MattyV
P.S. The greatest nickname of all time, without contention, is “The Great One”.
