Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.
Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
No I Don’t Have the Urge to Drink Out of a Toilet, Thanks.
Newest candy in from Japan, sipping out of a toilet? Puke.
HuffPo- Got the urge to drink out of the toilet? Thank goodness for Moko Moko Mokoletto, a bizarre Japanese candy creation. Watch as weird confectionary aficionado RRcherrypie demonstrates how to assemble the mini commode, sprinkle in the mystery powder, add water to the back of the tiny tank and see foam rise in the bowl like fast-action toilet cleaner. Mmm, looks delicious. Now slurp it up with the straw making serious toilet noises, because that’s not at all strange. Talk about having a potty mouth.
This is the worst idea since a Stan Lee Fragrance, it bette rnot make it to the states.
-Sean Lite-
Have Fun Trying To Sleep Tonight
Meet my friend Julius, the 16-foot albino burmese python. Julius not only could break your legs in a heartbeat, but he can open doors to do so. This is the stuff of nightmares, no wonder why Indy hates these guys.
-MattyV
Life Without Facebook
I get my nuggets busted on the regular by my friends for getting rid of my Facebook. I dumped that shit at the start of 2013 and never looked back. Yeah, maybe I miss out on some hot sluts album once and a whole, but half of the people I follow on twitter are pornstars….women pornstars I mean! And that’s wayyy better.
My bros say I got rid of it and it just pumps my tires to be cool, but in reality I just don’t miss it. I don’t give a shit about who’s going to the beach or having a grand ol time in Vegas. At the end of the day I care about what I’m doing and the 10 asshole friends I see on a regular basis are doing. Usually it’s the same thing.
I also have this theory that Facebook stopped being cool when my mom got one. At that point, real adults thought they could step into the social media barn and make it work seamlessly. Now because of this, having a Facebook hurts your chances of getting a big boy job and it’s just another excuse for someone to get on your case about something you said or did.
So in closing, fuck Facebook, and once I can have one without it haunting me, ill steer clear of it. Although my life without Facebook has been short, damn it feels good. Back me up Sean Lite
+Berno
PS. if I get one back soon I’m gonna feel like a royal piece of shit
I’m Ready For Superman To Hurt Me Again
In 2006 I went through one of the worst heartaches I ever felt. That year Superman Returns hit the big screen. It was the first Superman movie to come out since I have been born into this world. The movie trailers flirted with me and I took the bait; Hook, line, and sinker. “Brandon Routh has the Superman look”, I convinced myself. “Kevin Spacey is going to be a badass Lex Luthor” I shouted from the rooftops. I was so excited to see this movie that my friends and I even broke curfew to see it. The opening credits rolled and the movie began…154 minutes later I woke up. Not sure what just happened, I looked to my friends. None of them had been able to bare what was just put in front of them either. Superman had raped us…raped us real good. I felt like the time I got invited to prom by a popular girl and got red paint dumped on my head…just completely embarrassed.
Superman had scared me so bad I wasn’t ready to love again… until now. Man of Steel is in theaters and I’m ready to open myself back up. But this seems all too familiar. Henry Cavill has the Superman look and Michael Shannon looks to be a very convincing and intense villain. I don’t like where this road is headed, but I will try to love again.
Tonight at 8pm, I have a date with Clark Kent.
-MattyV
P.S. I’m pretty sure I was roofied when I saw Superman Returns.
New Stan Lee Cologne Sounds Like A Horrible Idea
Calvin Klein uses male models. Victoria’s Secret uses its Angels. Andrew Levine uses Stan Lee. If there is one person I wouldnt want to market my cologne after, it’s a 90 year old man. I’ve never heard someone say “I bumped into a 90 year old man today and boy did he smell fantastic!”. Don’t get me wrong, the man is an American hero. Hands down one of the most creative minds in history. But I do not want to smell like him. I imagine he smells like a mixture of aqua velva aftershave and death. Using Stan Lee as a cologne model is like hiring OJ Simpson to sell your new knife set: it just doesn’t work. Apparently the goal here is to release different fragrances based on the characters Mr. Lee has created. Smart move, except for the fact that the picture above is being used to spearhead the campaign. When I look at that picture I don’t think of cologne. I think of how horrible Stan Lee must smell. Thanks for ruining an American icon Andrew. What’re you going to do for an encore, spit on the American flag? Beat up my grandma? I hope Stan Lee’s death smell haunts you for the rest of your days.
-Ryan
P.S. Matt will singlehandedly keep this fragrance company in business. The king of impulsive buying.
The Government Knows What You Had For Dinner? And You’re Mad?
You don’t Fucking say?
To start off, this post isn’t directed at everyone. You know who you are.
The hot button issue over that last month has been the fact that the government snoops into your hard drive. Now everyone has gotten there collective panties in a bunch over that fact that the government is looking at pictures of your dog. Me personally? I couldn’t care less. Oh what…is Obama looking at my search history full of porn and Hubble telescope pictures? Go for it dude, you look like you would enjoy both. If you are on the internet you are giving up your “privacy” to anybody on the other end; including, SHOCKINGLY, the government. I don’t care if you have all your privacy settings on and you keep your password locked in a box at the bottom of Lake Tahoe, someone is looking at your check-ins to Pink Berry. (You love frozen yogurt, admit it already. No one is buying your “too cool” attitude.) Listen, you might think you’re hot shit, but if you believe for one minute the oval office is passing around your twitter feeds for pics of you in your bikini, you are a bigger idiot than I thought. Clearly all this BS that is leaking is for protection, and for anyone who thinks different I can show you a boat to the North Pole. There is no internet there so no one will spy on you…except for polar bears, those guys will tear your ass UP! Me? I am going to continue to post: pictures of food, song lyrics, motivational quotes, dumb pictures of my dumb friends, and occasionally good blog posts. I have nothing to hide! Obama, I know your reading right now so I am putting out a challenge to you, 1v1 only submissions and pinfalls.
Your move Pres.
-MattyV
P.S. Don’t lie, you love that the government knows what you’re doing, you pervs!
P.S.S. If I die, someone please take a bat to my iMac. My browser history would be too confusing to explain.
I Have a Raging Clue These Movies are Going to Be Awesome
Elysium
The Wolf of Wall Street
From the people who brought us District 9 comes Elysium. Let me start by saying that I loved District 9. The movie was pure original from start to finish. No one has told the story of segregation and the plight of a people quite like that movie. A mix you could only get by taking Alien and crashing it head first into any Spike Lee movie. Now for Elysium. This movie seems to follow the same look and feel as District 9 with a slightly different story…and Matt Damon.
The Wolf of Wall Street ,aka “The complete opposite of what my friends and I do on the weekends”, stars Big Leo, Matty McConaughey, Jonah “Fluctuating Weight” Hill, and “Carlos” from How I Met Your Mother (You might know him as Shane from The Walking Dead). This movie looks like a smash hit right from the get-go. Look for Berno and I, in jean jackets/vests, camped out for tickets.
-MattyV
In Defense of Miss Utah
Everyone is ragging on Miss Utah for her bone headed answer during the Q & A portion of the Miss Universe pageant last night. Not me. I’m wearing my fedora and driving the Marissa Powell bandwagon straight into the sunset. Its so easy to be a couch potato observer and call Marissa dumb. Did you hear the question she was asked? “A recent report shows that in 40% of American families with children, women are the primary earners, yet they continue to earn less than man. What does it say about society?” That question was asked by NeNe Leakes, who appeared on Real Housewives of Atlanta and somehow learned to put all those words together in a sentence. How do you answer a question like that on the spot in 30 seconds? She stumbled through that answer because it was a dumb fucking question. I’ve never understood how half the competition can be spent judging these girls in bikini’s and evening gowns and the other half is spent discussing world politics. If she answered this question eloquently, does that make her smart? Of course not, so the fact that she stumbled through it shouldnt make her stupid either. If it was me up there in a beautiful dress and some woman named NeNe asked me that same question I’d do the only thing I know how to do: fake wrestle. Microphone to the head of Giuliana Rancic, then I’m sprinting off camera and pulling that piece of shit Jonas brother on stage by his hair and I’m choking him out on live TV. Ultimate heel turn. If only Marissa Powell let me coach her. She could’ve been a contender!
P.S. When in doubt during a competition go Will Ferrell in Old School. Blackout and hope for the best.
