Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.
Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
I Need This Horse Jacket
“The Bridge”, a new drama on FX, premiered last night. I can already tell it’s going to be my newest guilty pleasure, but I’ll save that conversation for another day. Ever since last night all I’ve been able to think about is the horse jacket that Diane Kruger’s character wore during the show. I don’t know why she was wearing the jacket and I don’t care. All I know is if I don’t find a website that sells this jacket my life will be forever tainted. A jacket like this comes around once in a blue moon, and it has immediately become my white whale. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I got fired from my job. It will all be worth it if I can get my hands on this beautiful horse jacket. I know these 3 things to be true: Bill Paxton discovered the Titanic, me and Clooney will be best friends and I need this horse jacket.
– Ryan
P.S. Just to clarify, this isn’t a jacket you put on a horse. It’s a human jacket with a horse on the back.
Meet Jonathan “Vader” Rice – He’s Insane…Completely Insane.
Jonathan Banks must have grown up under power lines, either that or on the Death Star. I’m hoping the latter. Banks decided that he was going to run across Death Valley in a Darth Vader costume (ok, the Darth attire is a power move). But don’t worry, it was only 129 degrees when he did it…..wait? what? Jonathan classifies himself as a “heat runner”. Now i’m no runner, nothing close, but i’m pretty sure this is a classification he made up himself. That would be like me taking a bath with a toaster and calling myself an electrical swimmer. He has a death [Valley] wish and as shocking as the whole thing is he accomplished the feat in just shy of 7 minutes. I don’t know what the length of the run was, but at 129 degrees, I know i’m not lasting 45 seconds. Even though I think he is insane for doing this, I have to applaud a man for doing what makes him happy. May the force be with you, Jonathan Banks.
-MattyV
PS – This is his FOURTH time doing it. I bet if he goes for the unprecedented 5th time Denny’s will give him a free grandslam.
Don’t Go To A Hospital In ‘Cuse
Doctors at a Syracuse hospital came within inches of harvesting the organs of a live woman who woke on the operating table, despite previous reports by nurses indicating she was alive. Doctors at St. Joseph’s Hospital Health Center mistakenly ruled that Colleen S. Burns, 41, had suffered a cardiac death. The mother of three from North Syracuse had overdosed on Xanax, Benadryl and a muscle relaxant but had not died, only slipped into a deep coma.
She was mistakenly declared brain dead by hospital staff, with the tragic news presented to Burns’ family who gave doctors permission to take her off life support and harvest her organs. One day before Burns’ organs were to be removed, a nurse noticed something eerie about the patient, a sign someone without a medical degree may even jump to see. Her toes curled from the simple reflex test of running a finger along her foot.
An investigation by the Health Department determined this and several other signs to come were shockingly ignored by doctors. Then, just before surgery, Burns’ nostrils were seen flared as though she was breathing independent of her respirator. Her lips and tongue were seen moving as well. Despite these signs, a nurse injected Burns with a sedative called Ativan just 20 minutes later, according to hospital records.
Just when the surgery was to begin, Burns’ eyes opened and gazed up at the bright lights hanging over her. It took that final sign to call it off.
Whoa. Picture this. You’re at home not feeling too well maybe stressed from a hectic life or haven’t slept well in a few days from a baby screaming like crazy. You decide to take a little too much medication and accidently fall asleep and fall into a really deep coma. Instead of waking up to the flowers and birds, you wake up to a series of doctor’s about to cut you open and give away your organs like a damn swap meet. On top of everything, these so called “doctors” didn’t believe you were alive. Plenty of nurses told them to give it time but nope they pronounced you dead on the spot. They even called all your family members to give them the bad news.
I think Hospital personnel in Syracuse really needs to re-evaluate whom they hire when it comes to saving peoples lives. Is Robin Williams’s aka “Patch Adams” running this facility? Or maybe it’s even Dr. Evil who’s behind all this. Either way, we are happy to report Colleen is now alive and healthy.
-D “The Deranged One” Huling
Meet Larry Da Leopard
I was flipping through the channels late last night and happened to land on a new episode of Taboo on the National Geographic Channel. Imagine my surprise when Larry Da Leopard popped on my screen. I’m on record for being all aboard the neck tattoo train, but face tattoo’s are an entirely different story. In my opinion, getting a face tattoo is the last step before a complete mental breakdown. I’d be shocked if Mr. Leopard didn’t start eating shoes for breakfast. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that I hope Larry disappears into the wildneress and joins his leopard brothers and sisters. It’s only a matter of time before he starts marking the doors of homes with newborn babies with white chalk. The most disturbing part of this story? People actually go to Larry Da Leopard for tattoo’s. Nice, wholesome guy. With leopard spots tattooed on his face.
– Ryan
P.S. IF I ever get an animal face tattoo, it would be jaguar spots. Then we’ll see who the real psychopath is.
Step Away From The Stanley Cup, Bieber
This kid gets to go into space and now he’s chillin’ with the cup?! First off dude, please get dressed. You’re meeting the Stanley Cup, one of the most prestigious awards (the most prestigious is the WWE title) not going to a damn rock concert! Have some class, there are guys who touched that trophy that could snap you in two…with just their beards! Whats that finger your holding up for? Is that the amount of times you want me to kick your ass? BECAUSE I”M HAPP……wow…ok..i’m sorry. That got a little out of hand. Bieber brings out the worst in me. Give The Cup a good scrub down after he’s done with it. Don’t wanna have that Bieber stink on it.
-MattyV
PS- Is that really a customized Blackhawks jersey in the background? What a piece of trash.
RFMV: All-Star Internet Videos
One of our favorite hobbies at Average Nobodies is scouring the internet for new and awesome videos. Constantly trying to find videos to one-up each other. But, no matter how many new videos we find they can’t replace our all-time favorites. So without further adieu, here are some of RFMV’s favorite Internet Videos.
Debbie Downer Disney World Sketch
The funniest 6:10 on the internet. Debbie Downer is a highly underrated sketch on Saturday Night Live, featuring Rachel Dratch as Debbie Downer. The concept is self explanatory, and while it appeared on many different episodes, the Disney World sketch is far and away the funniest. Pay special attention to Horatio Sanz in the yellow shirt and Jimmy Fallon in blue. If it’s good enough to make professional comedians lose their shit, then it’s good enough for me. Plus, you get to stare at pre-DUI Lohan.
-Ryan
Kazoo Jurassic Park Theme
One of the most blindsidingly [not a word] funny videos on the internet. This video completely takes you by surprise! They title may give you an idea of what your going to be watching, but you have no idea what you in for until the :10 mark when the creator blows the funny bone right out of your body.
“They do move in herds”
-MattyV
Paula Deen Supporters Sending Angry Emails To The Wrong Channel Is Perfect
“Attention all those who love Paula Deen. We’ve been getting your emails. Your phone calls. We’re pretty sure the good old fashioned mail will soon follow. We get that you are mad about her contract not being renewed. The problem is, you are calling and writing the wrong people. Yes, we are The Food Channel. Have been since the 1980s, when we trademarked the name and used it for a newsletter, then a website. However, we are not The Food Network, the company that helped to make Paula Deen a household name. Nor are we The Cooking Channel. Both of those broadcast channels are owned by the Scripps Television Network. We are not owned by Scripps. We are independently owned. We do not have a full channel on TV, although we are experimenting with taking some of our shows to TV—but unless you live in select test markets, you aren’t seeing them just yet. We don’t carry programming created by Paula Deen, nor do we carry Rachael Ray, Bobby Flay, Robert Irvine, Tyler Florence, Ina Garten, Giada, or any of those celebrity chefs that everyone enjoys watching (including us!). So, the best we can do is point you to the Scripps Television Network snail mail address. And we can publish a few of your letters. You can find both at the bottom of this article. And, if Paula Deen is interested in helping to grow the real Food Channel into something that you all will watch, we are all ears. We want to take her apology seriously, and believe we can be part of helping her use this as a way to address such issues in the future, if she so desires. Tell her to contact us at editor@foodchannel.com.” – foodchannel.com
So this is who people are choosing to support. Gotta love racists. Just blindly spewing their beliefs if it means coming to the defense of a fellow racist. Not only are you publicly supporting a horrible human being, but you’re bashing a television network that doesn’t even carry Paula Deen’s programs. I just wish I could have been there when these people were typing up these emails. This is the moment you’re finally able to give corporate America a piece of your mind. Are you supporting an admitted racist? Sure, but its time THE MAN hears what you have to say. Oops, wrong network. Now you’re setting back our country 140 years both culturally and intellectually. If I had to pick one person to blindly support, it wouldn’t be a racist Southern belle who supports obesity in America. It would be Bill Paxton. Human stupidity is truly limitless.
– Ryan
P.S. I’m more upset that she’s a bad cook. That’s just how I roll.
Video Vault: Episode 2
Was there an episode one? I’m not sure. But here is another gem from my video vault. Enjoy!
