Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.
Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
Surprise! NY Paramedic Who Tweeted Picture of Handicapped Lady Is Being Sued
(Source) “An obese wheelchair-bound woman is suing a New York City EMT after he tweeted a photo of her with the caption ‘Wide Load’, it emerged today.
Teena Gamzon, 65, who suffers from diabetes and other ailments, says fire department EMT Thomas Dluhos secretly photographed her and then splashed it over the Internet.
He tweeted it from his now-defunct Twitter page with the caption: ‘#fatladytweets Look what my husband did to my wheels couch. That b*****d’.
The suit was filed in Brooklyn state Supreme Court this week and seeks unspecified damages for mental anguish, ridicule and emotional distress.
She told The New York Daily News: ‘I’m devastated. We’re made jokes of as it is.’
Dluhos, who allegedly posted a slew of racist comments on Twitter under the handle Bad Lieutenant has since been fired. The Twitter page has been taken down.
He hung up the phone when the Daily News asked about the lawsuit.”
Probably not the smartest idea. When I read the headline and saw the picture I thought it was kind of funny. Then I saw the oxygen tank strapped to the wheelchair. Now he’s kind of a dick. If this was a random person tweeting this picture then it’d probably be a little bit funnier. But, correct if I’m wrong, aren’t paramedics supposed to help people? Assist them when they can’t help themselves. I’m kind of glad he’s getting sued. I’m not saying taking the picture was wrong. I probably would have done the same thing. Hilarious caption. Tweeting it out as a paramedic? Not the smartest move in the world. Apparently he’s a racist too. Real winner.
– Ryan
Texas Man Has Gut Infection That Gets Him Drunk
“A 61-year-old Texas man developed an infection in his gut that reportedly turned the sugars and starches he ate into ethanol, getting him drunk.
“He would get drunk out of the blue — on a Sunday morning after being at church, or really, just anytime,” Barbara Cordell, the dean of nursing at Panola College in Carthage, Texas, told NPR’s The Salt. “His wife was so dismayed about it that she even bought a Breathalyzer.”
The condition is known as gut fermentation syndrome, or Auto-Brewery Syndrome. The man showed up at the hospital reporting dizziness and with a blood alcohol level of 0.37 — enough to kill a person.
That’s according to the report from the International Journal of Clinical Medicine. He was likely infected with the yeast from something he ate or drank — which could have been compounded by the fact he dabbled in home-brewing and likely had plenty of live yeast around the house.
This isn’t the first time this syndrome has shown up — it’s been seen a few dozen times under different names. That doesn’t mean you have to fear the yeast in your home brew kit. Nor should you swallow it in hopes of making your own gut-brew.
The yeast will just slip through the intestines of healthy people without lodging in there. Each case seems to follow a round of antibiotics, which kills off the local, healthy bacteria leaving a space for the yeast to grow.
Now, that’s a beer gut.”
Talk about hitting the lottery. This is as good as it gets. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the only drawback of drinking beer is how fat you get. Now you’re telling me I can get drunk without getting fat? Sign me up. .37 hanging on the couch? The answer is yes. You now have a built in excuse for any situation. Bye bye DUI’s. Boring dinner parties? Impossible, I’m hammered. This brave Texas man has given this out of shape Rhode Island boy some hope for the future. A future where I can get drunk without consequences. God bless America.
– Ryan
‘The Hoover Boys’ are America’s Next Great Vacuum Cleaner Band
These guys may have hit the niche market everyone has been so desperately praying for, vacuum cleaner bands. There is no doubt in my mind that these guys will be the next big thing in America. Billboards, trading cards, t shirts, you name it, these guys are going to do it. Not to mention there is huge potential for jokes (These guys don’t SUCK, their vacuums do!). I can only assume that Tulips from Amsterdam is the single off of there album. It just has that “I could see this playing on the radio” type of vibe.
-MattyV
Ohio State Is Apparently The Breeding Grounds For Morons
“A group of students who became convinced they were living in a haunted house, were given an even bigger fright when they discovered their ‘ghost’ was actually a man secretly living in their basement.
The Ohio State University students had been spooked by strange noises in the night and mysterious happenings like coming home to find cupboard and oven doors open.
But after a thorough search of the building, they discovered a secret room in the basement behind a door which they had previously thought was just a maintenance cupboard.” For the full article, click here
Nobody is going to mistake these guys for detectives. Why does it look our oven has been used and why are our cupboards open? It’s got to be a ghost. Has to be. Literally no other logical explanation. Don’t even bother checking it out, or looking in a room that no one has ever been in. Couldn’t possibly be anyone there with a head, body and opposable thumbs capable of using all our shit. Let’s just stick with the ghost story and drink some more beers.
– Ryan
At This Point I Should Have Suspected A Man In Florida Would Beat His Kid, for 40 minutes, to the Beat of “Blurred Lines”
A Florida man is facing charges of felony child abuse after being accused of hitting his daughter for 40 minutes “to the beat” of Robin Thicke’s summer hit “Blurred Lines.”
An Escambia County Sheriff’s report said that a complaint was filed against 40-year-old Steven Grady Fillingim for child abuse after he beat his daughter for being “lazy” and skipping school.
When investigators spoke to the girl on Sunday, she told them that her father hit her on the face with his belt and with his hands because she had not vacuumed bugs that were in the family’s home on Saturday. As part of her punishment, she was made to hold a 20 pound weight in front of her body and then hold an 8 pound weight behind her.
She was also forced to shovel dirt for a period of 90 minutes.
On Thursday, the girl said that her father acted normal when she came home even though she had gotten in trouble for skipping school that day. But at around 9 p.m., he began to lash her with a switch.
She told investigators that he hit her “for approximately 40 minutes using the switch like a whip,” the police report said. “As he was striking [the girl], S/Steven Fillingim played the Robin Thicke song ‘Blurred Lines,’ striking her with the switch to the beat of the music.” -RawStory.com
Really Florida? Just when I thought you couldn’t produce anymore “winners” you give us Grady Fillingim. A complete scum bag of a human beings that beat his out daughter for 40 minutes to the tune of Blurred Lines, by Robin Thick (40 minutes approximately equates to playing it ten times). I love that song, such a jam, but honestly it doesn’t make me want to beat the crap out of kids. It just doesn’t. Now, when I listen to DMX I get a little crazy, sure, but never even close to wanting to hurt an innocent kid. Grady, I really hope you find some guys in prison to return the favor. But instead of “Blurred Lines” ten times, I hope they go with “Stairway to Heaven” ten times. That’s a much longer song.
-MattyV
Barbie Thomas, The Armless Bodybuilder
(Source) “Barbie Thomas lost both her arms at the age of 2. She was playing outside her Texas apartment complex and climbed onto a transformer, grabbling on to the wires. The electric current traveled through her little body, from her hands out her feet, burning her arms to the bone.
“They were like charcoal,” she writes in her biography on her website, Fitness Unarmed “They were completely dead and had to be amputated at the shoulders.”
No one expected Thomas to live. But today, at 37, she has accomplished what was once regarded as the impossible: Thomas is a competitive body builder and model.
“I thank God I am alive,” said Thomas, who now lives in Phoenix with her two sons, aged 13 and 17. She uses her shoulders as arms, which her children call her “nubs.”
Barbie Thomas does not miss leg day at the gym, which I guess is pretty crucial when you don’t have arms. This is obviously an inspiring story but is this legal? I have to imagine there is nothing in the bodybuilding rulebook that states you must have arms, but come on. Every other competitor has to make sure their entire physique is perfect. Not Barbie Thomas. Abs and legs. That’s it. Contestant #3 doesn’t have toned biceps? Barbie Thomas doesn’t have any biceps. Either way, good for you Barbie. All is fair in love and armless bodybuilding.
– Ryan
P.S. The fact that a woman with no arms is in better shape than me really ruined my day.
William Freddie McCullough Has The Best Obituary Of All-Time
(Source) “William Freddie McCullough – BLOOMINGDALE – The man. The myth. The legend. Men wanted to be him and women wanted to be with him. William Freddie McCullough died on September 11, 2013. Freddie loved deep fried Southern food smothered in Cane Syrup, fishing at Santee Cooper Lake, Little Debbie Cakes, Two and a Half Men, beautiful women, Reeses Cups and Jim Beam. Not necessarily in that order. He hated vegetables and hypocrites. Not necessarily in that order. He was a master craftsman who single -handedly built his beautiful house from the ground up. Freddie was also great at growing fruit trees, grilling chicken and ribs, popping wheelies on his Harley at 50 mph, making everyone feel appreciated and hitting Coke bottles at thirty yards with his 45. When it came to floor covering, Freddie was one of the best in the business. And he loved doing it. Freddie loved to tell stories. And you could be sure 50% of every story was true. You just never knew which 50%. Marshall Matt Dillon, Ben Cartwright and Charlie Harper were his TV heroes. And he was the hero for his six children: Mark, Shain, Clint, Brandice, Ashley and Thomas. Freddie adored the ladies. And they adored him. There isn’t enough space here to list all of the women from Freddie’s past. There isn’t enough space in the Bloomingdale phone book. A few of the more colorful ones were Momma Margie, Crazy Pam, Big Tittie Wanda, Spacy Stacy and Sweet Melissa (he explained that nickname had nothing to do with her attitude). He attracted more women than a shoe sale at Macy’s. He got married when he was 18, but it didn’t last. Freddie was no quitter, however, so he gave it a shot two more times. It didn’t work out with any of the wives, but he managed to stay friends with them and their parents. In between his many adventures, Freddie appeared in several films including The Ordeal of Dr. Mudd, A Time for Miracles, The Conspirator, Double Wide Blues and Pretty Fishes. When Freddie took off for that pool party in the sky, he left behind his sons Mark McCullough, Shain McCullough and his wife Amy, Clint McCullough and his wife Desiree, and Thomas McCullough and his wife Candice; and his daughters Brandice Chambers and her husband Michael, Ashley Cooler and her husband Justin; his brothers Jimmie and Eddie McCullough; and his girlfriend Lisa Hopkins; and seven delightful grandkids. Freddie was killed when he rushed into a burning orphanage to save a group of adorable children. Or maybe not. We all know how he liked to tell stories. “
The Savannah Morning News sure knows how to write an obituary. Going solely on this obituary, it seems William Freddie McCullough had the greatest life of all-time. Fishing, eating Reeses Cups and drinking Jim Beam. And don’t forget the beautiful women. Crazy Pam. Big Titty Wanda. Sweet Melissa. What a life. Chest hair breathing free. Perfectly groomed mustache. Some kids want to be athletes when they grow up. Some want to be astronauts or actors. If your not aspiring to be William Freddie McCullough you’re living life the wrong way. All I know is my sole goal in life is to find a Big Tittied Wanda of my own. As far as William goes, I’m sure he’s growing fruit trees and grilling chicken and ribs in heaven. And may God help him if he sees any vegetables or hypocrites.
– Ryan
NFL Bad Lip Reading is Hilarious
First video in a while that actually made my laugh-out-loud. Check out the other “Bad Lip Reading’ videos HERE.
-MattyV
