Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
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Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
Breaking Bad Finally Wins Best Drama
It’s weird seeing the cast of Breaking Bad with smiles on their faces, but if there were ever a time to smile, it was last night. The show had been nominated three times before in the Best Drama category, but the Golden statue had always eluded Vince Gilligan and company. Last night, all that changed, and how surreal it was to watch Hank and Jesse and Mike and Walter hug it out for the whole world to see. Well deserved is an understatement, as the writing, directing and acting on this show has been superb for 5 years now. These past 8 episodes (the finale airing next Sunday) have been among the shows best, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see the cast share the stage one last time at the Emmys next September.
Grand Theft Auto 5 Gets Mythbusted!
Just incase anyone was wondering, you can knife a shark and kill it, while swimming, in GTA 5. That’s all I needed to hear, now i’m going to go home and try to kill a shark with a tiny blade for 6 hours.
-MattyV
Check out Defend The House’s YouTube page for more great video game videos.
Public Masturbation Is Now Legal In Sweden
Public masturbators in Sweden now may be able to get off without charges.
A recent court ruling in Sweden’s Södertörn District Court suggests that masturbating on the beach in Sweden is “OK,” according to public prosecutor Olof Vrethammar.
Vrethammar was prosecuting a 65-year-old who was charged with sexual assault after getting literally caught with his pants down in June, giving himself a sandy handy on a the Drevviken beach in Stockholm, according to The Local’s translation of the Swedish newspaper Mitti.
A ruling which acquitted the man of the sex assault charges this week found that although the he was publicly masturbating, he was not directing his actions at anyone in particular, according to the Local. This was enough to clear him of the sexual assault charge, though it’s unclear if the action is still in violation of other statutes in Sweden.
“With that [ruling],” prosecutor Vrethammar told the Mitti, “we can conclude that it is OK to masturbate on the beach… [although] the act may be considered to be disorderly conduct.”
Dr. Liz Davies of London Metropolitan University has researched Sweden’s child protection system, and told the Daily Mail the court decision surprised her.
“Sweden has a really robust child protection system and very rigorous investigation around sexual abuse,” she said. “So this judgement is surprising given that such an act could be witnessed by children as well as adults.”
Because why not, right? The fact that this trial lasted more than 10 seconds shows you how fucked up Sweden is. You can’t claim to have rigorous child protection laws AND let people jerk off in public. You know what kind of people jerk in off in public? Sex offenders. I’d hate to be in Sweden this weekend. Public masturbation is going to be off the charts.
– Ryan
P.S. At least Devin Brugman still exists. Have a great weekend.
Apparently 2 Year Olds Are Getting Gastric Bypass Surgery Now
(Really?) “A morbidly obese two-year-old has become the youngest person in the world to undergo a gastrecstomy – where most of the stomach is cut away.
The parents of the toddler from Saudi Arabia – who weighed more than 5st and had a Body Mass Index of 41 – sought help because he suffered severe breathing problems while asleep.
Two attempts to control his weight by dieting failed, wrote his surgeons in an article in the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports.
Gastrectomy is a drastic alternative to gastric band or bypass surgery – none of which would ever be carried out on pre-teen children in the UK.
When he first presented to an endocrinologist at 14 months the toddler weighed 3st 4lb, but after dieting for four months his weight increased to more than 4st.
The doctors from Prince Sultan Military Medical City at Riyadh were unable to ascertain whether the child’s parents had stuck to the diet.”
So this is where we are at as a society. 2 year olds are now getting gastric bypass surgery. 2 year olds! Yeah this kid is enormous but he’s 2, which means he can’t do anything on his own. The kid can barely stand in the pictures. You’re telling me his parents can’t get this kid on some type of diet? Maybe don’t eat 40 meals a day, get some exercise, basically anything but surgery. To be honest I have some selfish motives here. This kid’s left arm is awesome. He is the Michelin Man reincarnated and I love it. Almost defies logic how fat his arm is. Saudi Arabia really knows how to ruin this guys day.
– Ryan
P.S. “Morbidly obese” are the two most accurate words in the English language. When I think of the words morbidly obese I now have the mental image of this two year old in my head.
Katherine Webb Dumps AJ? Yeah, Right.
Katherine Webb dumped AJ McCarron? If you believe this for a minute then you need to tighten your helmet and smell the roses. I’ll tell you what happened here, Aj dropped Kat off at the bus stop and kept on down the road. Let’s remember why she is so famous for a minute. The camera pans her way during one of AJ’s games and the commentators start drooling all over their mics. She is hot, I will give her that, but not ground breaking hot. I could find a thousand of her around the country. If you don’t believe me Google search “Devin Brugman”, guaranteed you won’t even know who Katherine Webb is tomorrow.
AJ’s got a big future ahead of him: The NFL draft (where he gets selected by the buccaneers), endorsement deals, commercials, chicks to bang, and Superbowl’s to win (with the Buccaneers). This is just the story of AJ growing up and moving on to the fantastic life he has ahead of him. Kat unfollowing him on Twitter was just a move to save face. Katerine, you’re all set now, AJ helped to propel you into superstardom. Ride the wave of fame sweetie, ride it hard, and always remember, if you feel the spotlight closing in on you just make a porno with your next man friend or start a reality TV show.
-MattyV
Duke “The Dumpster” Droese Is Doing Well
(Source) At Centertown Elementary School in McMinnville, Tenn., Michael David Droese was a hulking figure, someone to look up to. The special education teacher holds the frame — 6 feet, 6 inches and 340 pounds — of a man with a famous past.
Indeed, a Google search for Droese will expose you to a life two decades ago spent in the wrestling ring, under the lights and in front of thousands — a life that seemed impressive to students and teachers both, Warren County Sheriff Jackie Matheny said.
But, at least for now, Droese is missing from the halls of Centertown. Matheny says Droese illegally sold pain medication to a police informant, and on Friday a grand jury indicted him on three counts of delivery of a controlled substance.
On July 1, according to the indictment, Droese sold oxycodone and buprenorphine. The next day, he again sold oxycodone. Droese was arrested Friday, Matheny said, but he left jail about two hours later after paying a $10,000 bond.
Until Droese’s case plays out, he will be suspended from his job at Centertown without pay, Director of Warren County Schools Bobby Cox said. Droese, 45, did not return a call seeking comment on Wednesday.
His mugshot shows a middle-aged man with an evaporating hairline. But 20 years ago, back in the ’90s, Droese wore his brown hair down to his shoulders. He was known as Duke “The Dumpster” Droese back then, a rough-around-the-edge trashman who hailed from “the garbage heaps of Mt. Trashmore, Fla.”
Droese spent much of his career wrestling in lesser-known, independent organizations, but from 1994-96 he was a member of the World Wrestling Federation. The Dumpster fought some of the greats: Bam Bam Bigelow, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry “The King” Lawler.
His time with the biggest wrestling promotion in the world was brief. According to the company, Droese and President Vince McMahon agreed to part ways because life on the road wore The Dumpster down too much.
But many of his matches still are available online. Matheny, who teaches the Drug Awareness Resistance Education program at Centertown, said everyone knew about Droese’s past life, and everyone was impressed.
“He used to be a wrestler, a very good wrestler,” the sheriff said. “He was in the WWE, and you can look him up on the Internet and watch all his matches. He wrestled with the best.”
When he learned a couple of months ago that Droese was suspected of selling pain pills, Matheny said he was surprised. He said Droese carried a good reputation: “Everybody has a lot of good things to say about him.”
Not the greatest life story. I’d give anything in this world to become a professional wrestler, but I can’t say I’d be thrilled to play a garbage man. Then you go on to become a special ed teacher who sells drugs. To be honest, the most heartbreaking part of this story is that his real name isn’t Duke Droese. Playing a garbage man on national TV that turns into a drug peddling special education teacher is obviously a sucky life, but a cool name could make up for that. Michael Droese is not a cool name. If I’m his attorney I suggest he change his real name to Duke, and let the chips fall where they may, which is probably in jail.
– Ryan
How Far Would You Go To Delay Your Own Wedding? This Guy Cut Off His Balls
A couple’s wedding was delayed after a man allegedly cut off his testicles before storming into a church just an hour before the ceremony was to take place.
The Brentwood, U.K. man was taken to a hospital Saturday shortly after his self-mutilation, according to News.com.au. As a vicar and florist put finishing touches to the church, the unnamed man stormed in, throwing chairs around as he soaked the floor in his blood.
A wedding guest who arrived early told the Brentwood Weekly News that the vicar would not let him enter the church because a man had cut off his testicles with a pair of scissors.
“When I went in the church, I saw something on the floor which I could only describe as flesh, which I thought was part of his arm but that was one of his testicles,” the wedding guest said.
After being taken to a hospital, police referred the man to a mental health assessment, according to the Brentwood Gazette.
Despite Essex Police wishing to close the church to further investigate the incident, the wedding went along a half hour later. The bride was not informed what caused the delay until after the wedding. – Huff Post
Well played, sir, very well played. Clearly this guy was in over his head and his only option was to remove his testicles…with a pair of scissors. I want to applaud this man because he made the tough call in a tough situation, and that takes….well….balls (hypothetically speaking of course). Who hasn’t been in this situation? The classic “I can’t think of a solid excuse to not do something, so I will chop off a piece of my own body” move. Classic. Usually you can just claim diarrhea and everything is settled, but not this guy, not on his wedding day. He makes sure his excuse can’t be fixed with a little Pepto.
-MattyV
What the Hell is Happening in England?
In Northampton, England, some psychopath is dressing up as a clown and creeping the fuck out of people. He creeps me out and I’m looking at him through a computer.
If this guy doesn’t turn into some type of serial killer/animal mutilator then I’ll be shocked. You just don’t stand on street corners with clown makeup on holding balloons staring at people for no reason. This guy has clearly derailed. Obviously the next logical step would be to contact the authorities and at least question this man as to why he’s doing this. Nope. Enter “Boris The Clown Catcher”.
Let’s get someone who is equally as deranged as the clown and have him take care of it. Did we miss the story where England let all of it’s mental patients free and now they’re basically terrorizing an entire country? Are there no police in Northampton? I’ve never been so confused in my life. All I know is I’d rather eat nails then travel to Northampton.
– Ryan
P.S. I appreciate Boris’ effort but talk about unoriginal. Superman colors? Big time fashion no no.
