Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.
Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
Shit Just Got Real: Government Shutdown Means No New Craft Beer
(Source) “The federal government shutdown could leave America’s craft brewers with a serious hangover.
Stores will still offer plenty of suds. But the shutdown has closed an obscure agency that quietly approves new breweries, recipes and labels, which could create huge delays throughout the rapidly growing craft industry, whose customers expect a constant supply of inventive and seasonal beers.
Mike Brenner is trying to open a craft brewery in Milwaukee by December. His application to include a tasting room is now on hold, as are his plans to file paperwork for four labels over the next few weeks. He expects to lose about $8,000 for every month his opening is delayed.”
You see that quote above me? That’s a quote from one of the founding fathers of these here United States. Now if politicians want to make everyone angry and depressed and shut down the government that’s fine. How do Americans cope with anger and depression? We drink beer. Now you’re trying to tell me these same politicians are trying to take away our beer? Now you’ve gone and messed around with the wrong portion of the population. Shutting down the national parks? Fine, most national parks employees are 100 years old. Shutting down the chemical safety and hazard investigation board? Kind of disturbing but fine, we’ll deal with it. But when you mess with beer, you’re dealing with a lot of unstable people, including myself. Drinking beer keeps our dreams alive. Maybe we didn’t become professional athletes, or race car drivers or astronauts. But we wake up everyday and go to work, then we come home, buy some beer and keep the economy moving forward. You take people like me and Matt out of the equation and society itself will crumble. Shut down the government. Shut up the government. I could care less. Just keep your greasy paws off my beer.
– Ryan
Meet @MileyCyrusCarl, the Man with 21 Miley Cyrus Tattoos
The easy thing here would be to rip this guy. Make fun of him for getting 21 tattoos of Miley Cyrus all over his body. Question his sanity. Maybe throw a cop detail or two outside Miley’s house for the next 40 years. Call me crazy, but I respect Miley Cyrus Carl. This is legitimate dedication. I swoon over Clooney all the time but I’m 60% sure I’ll never get a tattoo of him. Carl obviously likes Miley Cyrus. He likes tattoos. The man is combining his two personal loves and creating a shrine for all the world to see. Would I get 21 tattoos of a 20 year old singer all over my body? No. But my name isn’t Miley Cyrus Carl. I feel like with a name like that you’re almost expected to tattoo Miley’s face on your arms and side. Anything less would kind of be a let down. Miley Cyrus Carl can play on my team any day as long as he stands a respectable distance away from me and my loved ones at all times.
– Ryan
China Says Sprite is the Best Hangover Cure. In Unrelated News I Just Bought a Lifetime Supply of Sprite
(Source) “Most of us are familiar with the pounding headaches, drowsiness, stomach-turning nausea and “did-I-get-run-over-by-a-bus” sensation that comes with that most dreaded of morning-after ailments: the hangover.
To alleviate the suffering, chugging coffee, downing Advil or simply choosing to forego the wretched day altogether by returning to bed sometimes does the trick. But what if there were a miracle elixir that could chase that hangover cloud away — and better still, what if that magic drink were something you could easily pick up at your local supermarket?
A group of Chinese researchers say that they may have indeed found this perfect hangover cure — and it goes by the name of “Sprite.”
After examining 57 beverages in a lab, researcher Hua-Bin Li and his colleagues at Sun Yat-Sen University in Guangzhou determined that Sprite was one of the drinks that best relieved hangover symptoms.
The team of scientists had hypothesized that what you consume after drinking booze could alter the effect of alcohol on your body. Specifically, they theorized that certain drinks could impact the body’s metabolism of alcohol in a way that would help alleviate hangover symptoms.”
This is an example of a story where no research is needed on my part. If China says sprite is the best hangover cure then sprite is the best hangover cure. I don’t need to know the science behind it. I don’t need to know how many other soda’s were tested. China says jump, I say how high. My biggest worry used to be how I’d survive Saturday and Sunday morning without trying to hit myself in the head with a hammer. Now all I have to do is buy a case of sprite and drink until I feel better. I must say, I’m going to miss experimenting with different methods on weekend mornings to cure my hangover. I don’t care how much research you do, nothing cures a morning hangover quite like a delicious Bloody Mary.
– Ryan
P.S. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I’ve figured out the group of people I hate the most. It’s the people who say “why don’t you don’t drink less if you don’t like being hungover?”. Why don’t you shut your whorish mouth and let me live my life and complain.
What’s the Smallest Amount of Money You Would Accept to Direct a Porno
(Source) “An adult film company is offering Miley Cyrus a million-dollar porn deal to get behind the camera and direct a XXX flick.
GameLink, an online adult store founded in 1993 that dubs itself one of the “leading international online retailers of adult entertainment,” wants Cyrus to direct a porn flick for a cool $1 million, according to TMZ. The company called her an “empowered” and “unapologetic” woman, who could use this opportunity to really show the world she’s “not a little girl anymore.”
In a letter sent to the singer’s camp Oct. 9 and obtained by TMZ, GameLink wrote: “We believe that as an empowered 21st century woman, you are the ideal choice to show the world your vision as an artist in the world of adult entertainment. GameLink would like to offer you the very lucrative opportunity to direct an adult film, giving you full creative control, for ONE MILLION dollars.”
Reps for GameLink and Cyrus were not immediately available for comment.
This isn’t even the first time the pop star has been offered a gig in the adult industry. Last year, after Cyrus filmed the music video for DJ Borgore’s “Decisions” featuring porn star Jessie Andrews, Sex.com offered to compensate her “extremely” well if she agreed to film a softcore girl-on-girl make-out session with Andrews.
She didn’t bite.
Whether Cyrus would actually take the most recent deal seems highly unlikely. She certainly doesn’t need the money and directing porn probably wouldn’t add to her artistic credibility.
Still, the “Wrecking Ball” singer does have a penchant for shocking people and she has some experience in the NSFW realm. Aside from her naked, sledgehammer-licking performance in the video for “Wrecking Ball”, Cyrus also posed for a series of risque photos for photographer Terry Richardson.”
This a million dollar question, pun intended. Obviously no sane person would pay a normy like me $1M to direct anything, nevermind a porno. I’m also not what you’d call a financially savvy human being, so I can’t put my artistic heart and soul into something for free. Directing a porno seems like a pretty ideal job with a lot of leeway. I’ve never watched a porn and said to myself “great editing job”. The lowest fee I’d accept would depend on a few things.
1. Who is in this porno? If it’s a lezbo porno, my price is dropping dramatically. If its not, and I have to stare at some guys dick all day, the price has to at least double. Are we talking mainstream porn stars, i.e. Tori Black, Melanie Rios, Tiffany Thompson, etc. or is this some awkward amateur shoot. These are the important questions.
2. Who is paying me? Is this a legit shoot with a solidified company such as Brazzers or Vivid? If so, my price is pretty low, because once they see my technique, they’ll be begging me to do more. If it’s a low on the totem pole type of company, I might be able to trick them into paying me more.
3. Now comes the most important question: am I allowed to choose my own porn name. I don’t care how much money a porn company is offering, if the opening credits don’t say “Directed by Bubba Hump” then I’m not your guy.
All things considered, I’d lowball myself at $100. I consider that stealing candy from an obese baby if I get to watch my favorite porn stars do their thing live and in living color.
– Ryan
P.S. If Miley accepts this their is no chance she doesn’t get involved on camera. You can only cage the beast for so long.
Jimmy Kimmel & Kanye Squash the Beef
This honestly gave me a lot more respect for Kanye. Still hate Kim though.
-MattyV
Must Watch Trailer – Charlie Countryman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eybjW17vnLk
“What makes this film so entertaining is that its kind of insane.” Whenever a critic uses a line like that to describe a movie, I’m in. Charlie Countryman (formerly The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman) is the feature directorial debut of Swedish born Fredrik Bond. The movie stars Shia LaBeouf as title character Charlie Countryman, an American wanderer who gets caught up in the fascinatingly bizarre Romanian underworld. LaBeouf may be crazy, but he’s one hell of an actor, and with a supporting cast that includes Evan Rachel Wood, Mads Mikkelsen, and Melissa Leo, this Indie film could surprise a lot of people. Charlie Countryman debuts with a limited release on November 15th.
Sammee Matthews Really Likes Doughnuts
(Source) “Obese Sammee Matthews has a condition which makes her so turned on by food she even scoffs doughnuts during sex.
Twenty eight stone Sammee was diagnosed with sitophilia – an erotic obsession with food – in her case cakes and sweets.
The mum-of-two from Las Vegas, USA, says just the sight of a bakery is enough to send her weak at the knees and out of breath.
And her sexual fixation on sponge cake has contributed to weight gain which saw her tip the scales at 32 stone.
Sammee’s story can be seen in Fat for Cash on Channel 5 at 9pm on Wednesday as part of Supersize Season.”
I’d consider myself someone who likes doughnuts. I’ll go to the bakery now and again to get a brownie or two. Not Sammee Matthews. She’s got an erotic obsession with dessert. This is a tough one for me. On the one hand, is this where we are as a society? We can’t just say Sammee is enormous and clearly has a problem controlling how much she eats. Nope. She has a disorder which forces her to eat cakes and cookies. Newsflash Sammee: it’s called gluttony. Don’t make excuses.
On the other hand, I kind of understand where she’s coming from. Everyone would love to eat a brownie or a piece of chocolate cake during sex right? It’s the American dream. Sammee is giving us all hope that this might one day be the norm. Kind of a like a real life George Costanza. Just don’t fly too close to the sun on the wings of pastrami.
– Ryan
Sticking it to the Cops Has Never Been Funnier
Here is a short “revenge” video this guy made in response to getting a ticket for not biking in the proper bike lanes. I’m not sure if this is just another d-bag or if he makes a valid point. All I know is that videos of people hurting themselves are funny. That’s the bottom line.
What do you think?
-MattyV
PS- I could never bike anywhere because by the time I get to my destination I will need a shower. I’m not sure how long this guy’s commute is, but if it is more than 10 feet then I would be sweating.
