Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.
Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
Edward Smith Has a Fever, and the Only Prescription is Having Sex with Cars
(Source) “Edward Smith’s love life has been in overdrive for the last 48 years.
By his count, he’s had more than 1,000 sex partners — but only one of those was actually human.
Smith, 63, is a “mechaphile,” the term for someone sexually attracted to planes, trains and automobiles.
Oh, and helicopters too. He once had a quickie with a copter used in the TV series “Airwolf.”
“Some guys look at boobs and bums on beautiful women. I look at the front and rear on beautiful cars,” he said, according to the Mirror.
But Smith is no longer driven to have sex with just any car. He says his joyriding days are over and that he is committed to “Vanilla,” a Volkswagen Beetle he purchased 30 years ago.
“When I hold Vanilla in my arms there’s a powerful energy that comes from her in response to that,” he said in an interview with Barcroft TV. “If anything was to happen to her I would be more than heartbroken.”
“Mechaphilia” is a unique fetish, but Smith claims he’s not alone in his intense love of machinery. He estimates there are at least 500 guys in the world also keyed into sex with cars, according to Time.com.
“When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it,” he told the Telegraph. “I didn’t fully understand it myself except that I know I’m not hurting anyone and I do not intend to.”
So Edward Smith not only exists, but he’s free to roam the Earth, having sex with every car he lays his eyes on. There’s disturbing news then there’s this. I really don’t understand why this guy isn’t in a mental institution, because if there’s one guy who’s potentially a danger to society it’s the guy who fucks cars. I guess this technically isn’t a crime but can’t we just build a bubble around this guy with a bunch of cars so he can just go to town? I’d say we could helicopter food in but apparently he has sex with those too. Maybe shoot food down a long tube so he doesn’t starve. Pretty much do anything but interview this guy who “hasn’t hurt anyone and doesn’t intend to”. If that doesn’t keep you up at night then I don’t know what will.
– Ryan
P.S. Are we supposed to be okay with this because he’s finally settled down and is only going to have sex with one car now? That actually makes me more nervous.
So Jaden Smith is Doing Well
Jaden Smith has derailed. I know it must be tough when your father is Will Smith and you have all this pressure to succeed but Yoko Ono is starting to make more sense than Jaden Smith. Apples, the number 3, trees and eye mirrors. Those sound like entries from Creed Bratton’s manifesto, not the tweets of a sane 15 year old. Pretty soon he’ll be smashing toy trucks during a sales meeting for Callahan brakes.
– Ryan
Meet The Chief, Jake Peavy’s Good Luck Charm
It’s been clear to me for awhile now that Jake Peavy is insane. Not serial killer insane, but yell at yourself on the mound/carry around a native american statue with a fake beard insane (not sure which is more troubling). Peavy brings “The Chief” everywhere the Red Sox go, shades of Pedro Martinez’s little friend Nelson that accompanied the Sox on their 2004 world championship run. This team is full of characters, and it looks like Peavy might be driving the crazy train with two feet on the gas. Whether it’s “The Chief”, the beards or a perfect combination of skill and luck, these Red Sox are sure as hell fun to watch. Another day closer to the parade.
– Ryan
Guy Sells Everything, Buys A Lambo, and Drives Across the Country
“Richard Jordan had everything he was told to want: cars, a new house, and a fiancee. Then his fiancee left him. So he sold everything, bought a Lamborghini Gallardo and set out across America…. ” – Jalopnik
Click here for the full article
Richard Jordan is the epitome of someone “living life”. For all you out there that hashtag “yolo” when you’re in the drive through of an exotic fast food restaurant, get a fucking clue. This guy literally dropped everything, grabbed life by the balls, and drove cross country in one of the best sports cars out there. I’m gonna put this out there, I don’t know if I could do something like this. This takes brass beans and isn’t for the faint of heart. I can’t even imagine what this trip was like. 91k miles? He must have seen every sight you could possibly see in America. Living the dream.
My hat is off to you, Sir. Truly living your life to the fullest.
-MattyV
The Guy Who Made Rebecca Blacks Hit Video is Back for an Encore
I love Chinese food as much as the next red-blooded American so this video speaks volumes to me. I expect this song to reach the top of my iTunes “top-played songs” list by weeks end. I hope Alison gold is ready to join Rebecca Black in internet music video stardom.
-MattyV
PS- What do I have to do to get this guy to hook me up with a video and song about burritos and wrestling?
PSS- Guy in the panda costume just reeks of internet fame
Dream Matchup: The Green Power Ranger vs. CM Punk
(Source) “During the New York Comic Con over the weekend, actor Jason David Frank (who stared as the green Power Ranger on the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers series) was asked about his challenge made to CM Punk this past July to have an MMA fight. Here is what he had to say…
“Let’s get that going. I love CM Punk, he’s a really nice guy. But he did say in his panel that he would fight me and you can’t say that in the fighting world if you don’t mean that you’d fight me. Let’s get a contract going!”
Frank has fought four times in amateur mixed martial arts, going undefeated at 4-0. He is also undefeated at 1-0 in pro MMA.”
vs.
Oh I like this. In any hypothetical wrestling situation I usually take CM Punk, but now that the green Power Ranger is involved, I might have to rethink that strategy. Apparently the green Power Ranger (real name Jason David Frank) is a legitimate MMA fighter and martial artist (yawn). Any three first named person can be an MMA fighter, but only the best of the best can fake wrestle. I say we scrap the MMA idea and get JDF on WWE Raw tonight. Build a superpower feud that culminates at Wrestlemania XXX. If there’s one person who can sell a match between a straight edge fake wrestler and an actual power ranger, it’s Vince McMahon. If I’m Vince, I only include one stipulation this match: Jason has to wear the green Power Ranger costume at all times. If that doesn’t get you 1 million pay per view buys then I don’t know what will.
– Ryan
P.S. This HAS to be his entrance theme. I’ve never convinced myself of something so quickly in my life.
