Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
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Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
Robbing Banks 101: Don’t Search “What Happens If You Rob a Bank”
(Source) “If you’re going to use the Internet as a bank-robbing how-to guide, it’s probably a good idea to delete your search history.
That may be the nail in the coffin for one accused bank robber, who police said looked for tips by searching, “What happens if you rob a bank” and “If you’re going to rob a bank,” prior to the robbery. (We’re going to assume “clear browsing data” was not one of those tips.)
Authorities in Massachusetts recently made three arrests following a robbery at the Weymouth Bank in South Weymouth Friday morning. Shortly before 11 a.m., a woman, who did not furnish a weapon, reportedly entered the bank and demanded money. She made off with an unspecified amount of cash after instructing the bank teller to not give her a dye pack (an exploding device that leaves a permanent mark on cash).
According to The Patriot Ledger, the suspect was identified from bank security footage after officers in the narcotics division recognized her as the subject of an ongoing heroin distribution investigation. Witnesses also told police the female suspect was with a male prior to the robbery.
Officers arrived at the property that was under investigation in the drug distribution case and took 27-year-old Sarah J. McLoud and Robert W. Owens, 28, into custody Friday afternoon. During a search of the Torrey Street residence, police said they found clothing worn during the bank robbery, cash stolen during the theft and a suspicious search history.
“A computer in the room showed recent searches including: What happens if you rob a bank, What happens if you rob a house, What happens if you rob a drug dealer, and If you’re going to rob a bank,” the Weymouth Police Department wrote in a statement on its Facebook page along with a photo of the three suspects.”
The saying “not the brightest bulbs” gives these three way too much credit. If your first step in the process of robbing a bank is to Google “if you’re robbing a bank…” you should probably find another hobby. Google is a wonderful thing, especially for movie quotes and song lyrics, but I wouldn’t rely on it to help me rob a bank. Also, if you’re ever a suspect in an ongoing heroin distribution case, maybe lay low for awhile. It’s probably best to stay out off security cameras that are used primarily when a bank is robbed. Last but no least, if you rob a house, bank or drug dealer, you’re probably going to jail. Didn’t really need Google for that one.
– Ryan
Erin Andrews Mixing Everybodys Names Up Couldn’t Matter Any Less
Erin Andrews could refer to me as crapface dickhead and I wouldn’t care. When I think of Erin Andrews key attributes, getting people’s names right is pretty low on the list.
– Ryan
Monster Blog Wednesday – Favorite TV Character (Current)
This weeks Monster Blog focuses around our favorite TV characters. But wait! There’s a twist. We pick someone who is currently on TV. Either in a new season of his or her show, or in between seasons. That means no Tony Soprano, no Walter White, no Corey Matthews, no Jerry Seinfeld, and no Michael Scott! Not so easy, is it? Without further adieu, here are our picks.
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson, the uncrowned king of meat and scotch is my pick. Hailing from the hit comedy, Parks and Recreation, Ron delivers big laughs from tiny lines. A true American who hates Europe, Banks, and the internet, Ron Swanson embodies everything that is manly in this world. He fishes (not for food, but for sport), is a master wood worker (in real life as well), and can play saxophone with the best of em (Duke Silver makes the panties drop). While a softer side of Ron has been known to show through, especially for his new wife and coworker Leslie, Ron always stays stubborn as a mule and tough as nails.
-MattyV
Saul Berenson
I hope you’re noticing the facial hair theme here. Saul Berenson, a.k.a Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, is the heart and soul of the hit show Homeland. In between scenes of Carrie crying and Dana sucking, Saul is the moral compass that keeps the CIA afloat after an incredible number of government shortcomings. Add in the fact that his beard is fantastic, he’s sharp as a samurai sword and he has the best one liners on the show (you are the smartest and the dumbest fucking person I’ve ever met), and you have my favorite character on television today.
-Ryan
Who are your favorite TV characters?
ICYMI: Saturday Night Live Review – Bruce Willis and Katy Perry
Bruce Willis is back for round 2 as host of Saturday Night Live. Considering I was 1 when he last hosted, this show has a solid chance of being more memorable. Katy Perry is your musical guest. Here’s the highlights.
Cold Open – NASA
Killam and Strong play “Gravity” stars Sandra Bullock and George Clooney in a spoof of the movie taking place during the Government shutdown. Kenan and Kate McKinnon play “essential government personnel” who are not as equipped to handle an emergency situation in space. Quick, funny sketch. Kenan has the best bug eyes in the game today.
Beer Pong
Anyone who has ever played beer pong at a random guys house in college can relate to this sketch. Some people have some pretty ridiculous rules, and newcomers Beck Bennett and John Milhiser nailed it. Pen pals was my favorite rule. “If the ball goes around the rim, then in, it’s..pen pals. We set you up with a pen pal, and you write back and forth, possibly forming a friendship that could last a lifetime.” I really like the young blood in these digital shorts. Too early to say they’ll replace The Lonely Island, but they’re off to a great start.
Boy Dance Party
Speaking of digital shorts, this was my favorite sketch of the night. Usually when something makes me think of Dane Cook, it’s a bad thing. This was the exception. Just as in Dane Cook’s “dance” bit, this sketch involves a slew of guys who just want to dance. Bruce Willis hasn’t updated his dance movies since 1989 and I couldn’t be a bigger fan of them. Beck Bennett’s twerk and Taran Killam’s junk swing are also pretty goddamn funny. The digital short lives!
Centauri Vodka
I read a few online reviews that didn’t enjoy this sketch, but I thought it was pretty funny. If you don’t want Bruce Willis serving you shots of vodka dressed in a centaur outfit and blonde wig then I know everything I need to know about you as a person.
24 Hour Energy for Dating Actresses
Seems as if every pre-taped sketch was a hit tonight, and 24 Hour Energy for Dating Actresses is no different. I’ve never dated an actress, but I have to imagine almost every cast member can relate to being a struggling actor/actress. Kenan watching his girlfriend (Cecily Strong) perform her one woman show was definitely the highlight for me.
Another solid show this week. Out of the three, I’d probably rank it second behind Tina Fey’s season opener. Not a breakout show, but you have to be happy with how this new cast is meshing together. Also, I think it’s a lot easier to put on a good show when the host has nothing to promote. The writers are able to flex their creative muscles, which this week gave us a good variety of sketches. SNL is on a two week hiatus, returning October 26th with host Edward Norton and musical guest Janelle Monae.
– Ryan
If You Cut Off Traffic On Your Motorcycle Shia LaBeouf Will Stare Into Your Soul
You know what? I’m glad Shia LaBeouf stole this girl’s soul from her. People on bikes thinks they rule the road, and just because they’re bike is small enough to create a middle lane they think they can skip out on traffic. Because everyone else in a car or truck is having the time of their lives sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. Whenever I’m in heavy traffic I can’t wait to get home and call my parents to tell them about what an enjoyable experience it was. If I’m being honest, watching someone skip out on that traffic and zoom by me in the middle lane makes it that much worse. At least I can look over at the car next to me and know that that person is just as miserable as me.
After watching this video, I just feel bad for people who use this move now. I’m 99% sure Shia knows all this girl’s secrets and desires. All her wants and needs are now apart of him, and he owns her soul. If you think you’re gonna zip through traffic repercussion free while Shia LaBeouf is around you’re wrong. Dead wrong.
– Ryan
Shia LaBeouf Films Girl Vomiting, Gets His Ass Kicked
‘Transformers’ star Shia LaBeouf was reportedly beaten up in London after he filmed a girl vomiting on the street with his camera phone, according to The Sun.
The report claims the actor, currently in the UK filming Brad Pitt’s WW2 film ‘Fury’, was on a night out with a pal in Leicester Square when he stumbled upon two women – Ash Nawaz and her sister Isis – feeling worse-for-wear on the pavement.
The star began filming them on his phone, and when the ladies told him to leave them alone a stranger intervened. When LaBeouf started filming him too, the man punched him in the face and kicked him in the groin.” – Yahoo Movies
I’m not sure what part of this story jumps out at me, the fact that Shia got kicked in the nads or that he was filming a girl vomiting. Let me start by saying that neither surprise me. But really, Louis Stevens? Filming a chick when she is at her lowest? How could you possibly rationalize this? Yeah, girls puking all other themselves and being sloppy disasters is hilarious, but keep it in the mental vault. No need to go all Spielberg on the situation, that’s a no-win scenario.
-MattyV
PS- Clean it up LaBeouf. This is just sloppy.
Tina Fey & Amy Poehler Are My Spirit Animals
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHirv5WyKjM&feature=youtube_gdata_player
(Source) NEW YORK — Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have signed up to host the Golden Globes for two more years.
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association said Tuesday that the former “Saturday Night Live” chums will be back after a successful show earlier this year. Next year’s Golden Globes will be held in Beverly Hills, Calif., on Jan. 12.
The two stars garnered good reviews with this year’s show, with an act less biting than predecessor Ricky Gervais yet still fun.
Allen Shapiro, who runs Dick Clark Productions, said Fey and Poehler have a “truly unique chemistry.”
Sweet Jeebus this is awesome. Two more years of Poehler and Fey is just what I needed to get my mind of the guy who has sex with cars. Witty banter. Fantastic chemistry. Doesn’t hurt that they’re nice to look at it either. Powerhouse tag team that I only thought was possible through my weird dreams has now become a recurring reality. Ryan likey.
– Ryan
