Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
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Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
Monsterblog Wednesday – Which Celebrity Would You Have Voice Your GPS?
Simple question. When you’re lost in the woods or cruising on the highway what celebrity do you want guiding you around?
Michael Caine
One of my stipulations with this pick is that he has to call me Master Fogarty while he’s giving me directions. That’s actually the main reason I picked Michael Caine. He gave Alfred the Butler the coolest voice in movie history. And any guy who serves Batman his breakfast can voice my GPS any day. After watching this video I can’t choose if I want the real Michael Caine voice or the impersonated one. A mentally challenged Michael Caine voice would probably be a horrible idea. Either way, the words “rerouting Master Fogarty” are going to be ingrained in my brain in three weeks.
– Ryan
James Earl Jones
There is nobody else in the universe that I would want dictating my GPS more than Darth Vader. Just an awesome and intimidating voice coming from my tiny Garmin speakers. Obviously he needs to call me “my apprentice”, and every time it powers on “Matt, I am your father”. The other benefit of having Mr. Jones do my GPS voice is that if one day I decided I wanted Mr. Mertle from the sandlot, that is easily accomplished.
– Matt
What are your picks? Comment Below!
One Small Step for Beer, One Giant Leap for Beerkind
Is it any surprise to me that Natty Light would be the first beer in space? Not at all. I knew this day would eventually come. When I drink Natty Light I feel like I could do anything: Paint an intricate portrait, find big foot, fight a bull, even jump off a second floor deck. A beer with all that potential bottled up into 12 ounces is going to reach for the moon at some point.
This video was also a big wakeup call. If you’re not sending your beers into space before you drink them then you are a nobody; a pure amateur.
-Matt
Junk Food, Fuel for Pro Athletes and Childhood Heroes
“Eat your veggies”, parents scream across America. “Eat your vegetables and you can be big and strong like _________” (insert pro athlete or personal hero here). But is that really the truth? Lets take a look back at my childhood (anyone who was an active child during the mid to late 90’s and 2000’s) for some answers.
First off, some of the coolest dudes I knew and idolized as a kid lived in sewers. They hung in smelly stinky sewers and made that shit look cool. Just hanging around all day, fighting crime with ninja weapons, and taking advice from a giant rat. And when their fuel tanks were empty what did they eat to sustain their superhero physiques? Pizza! That’s right i’m talking about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Eating pizza by the truck load, and still being able to fight off robots, rhinos, and anything else Shredder had to throw at them. So, ask me when I was 8 if I would rather have pizza or broccoli, and my answer would be a swift nunchuk to the throat followed by a whole cheese pizza for myself.
But if that isn’t enough evidence lets look further.
Another idol of mine was the fastest guy you would ever see. Usain Bolt? Never heard of him. The guy i’m talking about is about 4 feet tall, blue, and could burn your eyes with his 40 time. Oh, and did I mention that he has an exclusive diet of chili dogs?
Sonic The Hedgehog ate just chili dogs and still was able to beat the fuck out of Dr. Robotnik.
“Ok Matt, why don’t you give us some real examples.” Fine, here you go.
Superstar running back, Marshawn Lynch slays bags of skittles while on the sidlines of his games and NBA star Michael Beasley also eats skittles. “6 or 7 bags a day” to be exact.
Clearly i’m doing something wrong. Time to increase my chili dog and skittles intake.
-MattyV
It’s a Given Ron Burgundy Shows Up on SNL This Week, Right?
I wrote yesterday how the world is on the brink of Ron Burgundy overload. Every time you turn on a late night talk show or commercial, there he is, mispronouncing words or having a staring contest with a horse. I’d be happy if Ron Burgundy went away for a few weeks, and then reemerged Christmas morning for the whole world to see on the big screen. Well, maybe not disappear completely. This Saturday Paul Rudd (Brian Fantana) is hosting Saturday Night Live. I fully expect Rudd to plug the new Anchorman movie, which has already proved it’s willing to promote itself in any way possible. My question is this: is it possible to reference Anchorman without including the movie’s leading man, who also happens to be one of SNL’s most notable alumni? Since we were forced to sit through all those Dodge commercials, the least Ferrell can do is reward us with a Ron Burgundy performance at studio 8H. A Sean Connery celebrity jeopardy wouldn’t hurt, either.
– Ryan
The Hunger Games are Reinventing the Sequel Genre
Sequels are overplayed in Hollywood. There’s no doubt about it. The lack of original screenplays are evident when Iron Man has 3 movies, Dumb and Dumber and Anchorman have sequels and every movie Sylvester Stallone is in has a universe that covers 5 decades. In small doses, most of these movies are enjoyable, and for the most part, are profitable at the box office. But there’s only so many times we can watch Robert Downey Jr. fly around in a space suit, or Tom Cruise narrowly escape after he falls out of a building. Repetition has taken the place of creativity. Instead of taking a chance on new ideas and characters, Hollywood has kept their eggs in the sequel basket. While most of these sequels aren’t living up to expectations, the Hunger Games are blowing them away.
Maybe it’s because the movies are based on easy to read, action packed books (I wouldn’t know. I can’t read). Maybe it’s because the storyline is different from any other present day blockbuster. Maybe it’s because I’m in love with Jennifer Lawrence and I’m 97% sure we’re soup snakes. Whatever IT is, the Hunger Games is doing IT right. They have a perfect blend of young (JLaw, Hutcherson and Hemsworth) and veteran (Donald Sutherland, Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks, Stanley Tucci) actors. The script is based off the books, who’s blend of story/action translates well to the big screen. The action in the movie isn’t action for the sake of action, it’s necessary action to forward the storylines. What was lacking in the first movie (too much focus on the capital and districts once the games had started) was changed in Catching Fire, and it created a smooth, easy to watch film. The buildup to the actual hunger games was given enough time to explain the plot while developing the characters the director wanted you to care about. The action, which has always been the strong point of the movies, was great. They were able to introduce a new hero (Finnick) while still keeping the spotlight on the relationship between Katniss and Peeta. Start to finish, Catching Fire was one of the best sequels in recent memory. For the first time in a long time, when it comes to movie franchises, people should be genuinely excited for what’s to come.
– Ryan
Detroit Broke City
Great! Good for you Detroit. Just barely being eligible for bankruptcy is probably the lowest you can get. But if I know Detroit they will find a way to fuck it up.
-MattyV
Hey thank god for the Tigers though….oh wait…
GO SOX
Welcome to Boston, A.J. Pierzynski
The deal is still pending a physical, but let’s roll out the welcome carpet anyway. It was clear the Sox wanted no part of a long term deal with Salty, and it’s hard to blame them after his performance in the postseason. After Mccann and Ruiz both signed elsewhere, Pierzynski was their next option. Low risk, high reward. One year deal for what’s probably a little above the veterans average. He is 37, but as ESPN Boston reports, he’s played in at least 125 games in every year since 2002. While all these numbers work for the Sox, his most important contributions won’t show up in the box scores this season. He’s a gamer, and he’s a winner. He’s already won a world series with the White Sox. He’s a little insane, which fits perfectly into the Red Sox mold. The most important thing is that Pierzynski, at 37 years old, still has something to prove. If he can mesh with Farrell and that clubhouse, 2014 should another exciting year.
– Ryan
Jose Canseco, Maybe The Answer is the Simplest of All.
Classic. What’s the best way to avoid drowning? Don’t get in the fucking water. Hey Jose, i’m not sure what the hell is happening at your place, but is this really a question to pose on twitter? Like you’re ever going to get back a serious answer.
-MattyV
