Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
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Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
I Just Signed Up For a Mini Triathlon – Time To Get Training
I’m not sure what I just got myself into. I just registered for a .5 mile swim, 10 mile bike, and 4 mile run, triathlon. To start off let me tell you that I am in no kind of shape to even WATCH a event like this. Last weekend when I was walking about NYC I needed to take a half hour break so I didn’t die. I hope to change that over the course of the next few months and by august dominate* this event! I have experience biking and swimming so those pieces of the event will require the least amount of training for me. However, the running, even a meek 4 miles, is going to be a beast.
Here is how I see my run training going
Wish me some luck.
-Matt
Stay tuned for a before weigh-in/fit test. That should be interesting.
*Finish without collapsing.
Michael Pineda Might Be the Dumbest Athlete of All Time
Source – New York Yankees starting pitcher Michael Pineda was ejected from Wednesday night’s game with the Boston Red Sox in the second inning for having a foreign substance on his neck that he was applying to the baseball.
In a bizarre sequel to an April 10 game between the Yankees and Red Sox, in which Pineda was suspected of having pine tar on the palm of his pitching hand, Red Sox manager John Farrell asked home plate umpire Gerry Davis to check Pineda.
After a mound conference in which Davis checked Pineda’s hand, the ball, and finally, the right side of his neck, Pineda was ejected from the game. At the time, Pineda had a 1-2 count onGrady Sizemore. He was replaced by David Phelps, who completed the strike out.
I don’t want to kick a guy when he’s down but how dumb can one person be? I thought the guy with “murder” tattooed on his neck was dumb, but Michael Pineda might take the cake here. The Red Sox were obviously skeptical of him using pine tar to get a better grip on the ball the last time they played two weeks ago, so what does he do?
He puts a shit ton of pine tar on his neck. That’s as obvious as it gets. If people really think John Farrell did something wrong here then they need to get their head examined. He let it go in Yankee Stadium. He even let it go during the first inning tonight. But if Pineda is going to be an asshole about it then he’s going to get thrown out of the game. And for any Yankee fans chirping, we were SHELLING Pineda over the first inning and two thirds. You should count yourself lucky we took him out of the game for you. With the most recent incident now behind him, I fully expect Pineda to go to the mound with a jar labeled “pine tar” for his next start.
– Ryan
Hot Diggity Dog: Charlize Theron & Andy Samberg Will Host the Final Two SNL’s This Season
May 10th, @CharlizeAfrica will return for her 2nd time hosting w/ music from @theblackkeys!! https://t.co/Bv4Kikwvim pic.twitter.com/XFGM2UBSV3
— Saturday Night Live (@nbcsnl) April 23, 2014
And for the finale, May 17th, we are so excited to have our friend #AndySamberg host w/ music from @st_vincent!!! #SNL
— Saturday Night Live (@nbcsnl) April 23, 2014
SNL’s official twitter account broke the news today about the final two hosts of season 39. Andrew Garfield hosts next week and now Charlize Theron and my sweet prince Andy Samberg will follow. I don’t remember much from Theron’s first hosting gig in 2000, so she’s got a clean slate with me. Samberg, on the other hand, is one of my all time favorite cast members. Will we see multiple digital shorts? A Nicolas Cage impression? All I know is the sky’s the limit with Andy Samberg and a week with the writers of SNL. The final three episodes should be fantastic.
-Ryan
On May 5th I Slip Into a Diabetic Coma
Mountain Dew, you are not doing your loyal fans any favors by releasing this sans Taco Bell. Easily one of the greatest liquids to ever touch my lips, Baja Blast is only kept under control by the fact that Taco Bell limits its consumption. However, on May 5th Mountain Dew releasees this tasty carbonated treat to the public*. Do you know what this will be like? It will be like blowing up the hoover dam. This is how the world ends, Mountain Dew releases a new bottled soda. God help the USA if they have 2 liter bottles.
-Matt
*People who don’t eat Taco Bell**
**Satan and Chalres Manson
On May 5th I will be on my comfy couch, enjoying a bottle of Baja Blast, and watching the new season of “Louie”. Game, set, match.
Jeffrey Chapman Can Either See the Future or He’s An Idiot
Source – A suspect wants prison bosses to let him have his ‘murder’ tattoo removed – ahead of his trial for killing another man.
Jeffrey Chapman has the word spelled backwards tattooed across his neck.
He believes it might prejudice a jury ahead of his trial for the killing of Damon Galliart whose body was found by hunters near Great Bend, Kansas, in 2011.
His lawyer has requested that either Chapman be taken to a tattoo parlour to have it removed, or for a tattoo artist to be brought to his cell.
The motion suggested that the tattoo was too large to be covered by clothing.
The Great Bend Tribune reports that although prosecutors are not against the request, state law prohibits tattoo artist from carrying out work anywhere other than at a licensed premises.
And the Barton County Sheriff has said Chapman cannot be transported from his cell.
Well Jeffrey Chapman finds himself in quite the pickle. Although I could’ve told him that getting the word “murder” tattooed in huge letters across his neck was going to come back to haunt him. I’m 100% on board with neck tattooes. I love them. But my version of a neck tattoo is a small symbol or a cursive word near the collarbone. Not the word “murder” in unbelievably huge letter spanning the entire front part of my neck. Part of me feels that he always knew he was going to murder someone. But a much larger part of me wants to think that someone that stupid can’t exist in this world. If he got this tattoo before he killed Damon Galliart then he’s really dumb. If I’m a murderer, the last word I want to get tattooed on my body is murder. Just doesn’t make sense. If you get caught, which you probably will if you have that tattoo, then you’re basically giving yourself zero chance with the jury. If I was on the jury for this trial I’d bring my phone with a killer playlist and my new headphones and just vote guilty at the end. And if anyone questioned me I’d point out that the defendant has the word murder tattooed on his neck.
– Ryan
P.S. The most shocking part of this story? He’s not from Florida.
Girl Gets Tasered For Charity
Something tells me there are much better ways to raise money for charity. Bake sale, car wash, walk-a-thon you know, anything except for being tasered. Apparently she charged a group of guys $100 each to watch her get tasered in a bikini. And mom thought that business degree would never get any use.
-Matt
Monster Blog Wednesday: Favorite Minor League Baseball Team Names
The NBA and NHL playoffs are dominating the news waves right now, but soon enough baseball will be the only professional sport playing. While most MLB team names are boring, minor league baseball team names are out of this world entertaining. While we may not know any of the players, that isn’t going to stop us from admiring some of those sweet ass names.
Lehigh Valley Ironpigs
Anytime your team logo is a pig with a human body swinging a baseball bat and wearing metal cleats you have to root for them. That’s not just true for this monster blog, that’s a life rule. I might be going out on a limb here but the Ironpigs have to be the pride and joy of Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania. What else is there to do in Lehigh Valley anyway? I think there’s a winery close by? Maybe some ice cream shops? Rhode Island isn’t exactly the most exciting place in the world but at least we’re 30 minutes from the ocean at all times. If you get too bored you can just grab a 12er and drink some beers on the beach. But Lehigh has the Ironpigs. Ultimate trump card. Can’t wait to catch a few games this year*.
– Ryan
*Never talk about them again.
The Akron RubberDucks
Is this even a question? While scrolling through minor league teams on Wikipedia last night I didn’t even need to go past the first few to know that the Akron RubberDucks were the best team on the list. Let’s be honest here I don’t think there is much going on in Akron Ohio, so these guys must be celebrities to their hometown fans. People can’t keep their hands off the RubberDuckies. Poise, posture, and charm like you read about.
Look at these guys, just hanging out and having a good time. I’m not sure any AA team needs this many jerseys, but I would never hold it against them. Some teams have style, the RubberDucks have style.
-Matt
