Category Archives: Average Blog Posts
Average Blog Posts
Blogs in this category (Average Blog Posts) have not been put into a category. This is where you can read a backlog of all Average Nobodies blogs.
Bloggers. Wrestling Enthusiasts. Beer drinkers. Movie Quoters. We have our cake and eat it too. Ryan Fogarty and Matt Vieira are The Average Nobodies.
Kate Upton Tearing Down The House as Usual
Kate just broke my computer screen. Keep being you, Kate. We all love it.
-Matt
PS- Hey Kate, next time your in Rhode Island less get dinner. Verlander doesn’t need to know about it. You know where to find me. My apartment smells of rich mahogany.
Donald Sterling Just Got His Harshest Punishment Yet – He’s Banned From the Bunny Ranch in Vegas
Puppies – Donald Sterling is not only banned for life from the Los Angeles Clippers and the NBA, a Nevada brothel owner also wants nothing to do with him.
Dennis Hof has banned Sterling for life from ever entering the doors of the Bunny Ranch near Carson City, Nevada, and any of his six other brothels in the state.
“A lot of NBA players come here to party,” Hof told The Huffington Post. “Out of respect to them, we have banned Sterling from coming here.”
Hof says his sense of confidentiality prohibits him from confirming or denying if Sterling has ever visited his brothels.
“I can tell you this: Johnny Buss, one of the owners of the Los Angeles Lakers, and I have had a dual birthday party at the Bunny Ranch for the last 18 years, so a lot of NBA people have been here,” he said.
Hof’s stand against Sterling isn’t only in support of the basketball players who’ve had to deal with the billionaire’s alleged racism over the years.
“At any given time, 20 to 23 percent of the prostitutes here are African-American,” Hof said. “And they’re smoking hot. Some of them were crying this morning so we’re doing this for them as well. We don’t need racists or bigots at the Bunny Ranch.”
Sterling isn’t the first high-profile person forbidden to partake in Hof’s garden of earthly delights.
“We banned the ‘Duck Dynasty’ guys. Those guys are the biggest homophobic assholes and they make their living killing animals,” Hof said. “We’ve also banned Michael Vick. We don’t want him here. I couldn’t guarantee his safety from the girls. They love animals.”
Sterling may be persona non grata at Hof’s brothel, but his estranged girlfriend, V. Staviano, now has a free lifetime pass.
“She needs to meet some women who can satisfy her more than any man could,” Hof said.
Now it’s getting real. Banned from the NBA, $2.5 million fine blah blah blah. Banned from the Bunny Ranch, home of the Cat House TV show, the best TV show ever? That’s some ice cold shit. How is a man supposed to live without the Bunny Ranch? I’ve never been there but what’s not to like. Hot girls walking around half naked willing to do whatever the hell it is you want to do, and it’s all legal because you’re in Vegas. This is almost a fate worse than death. Just knowing for the rest of your natural born days that you can’t go to the Bunny Ranch. Pack it up, Don. It’s over.
– Ryan
Why The Average Nobodies Buying the LA Clippers is Good For the NBA, America
Now that Donald Sterling is banned from the NBA for life and will most likely have to sell the team, a lot of celebrities have chimed in on why THEY should buy the LA Clippers. Floyd Mayerweather, Oprah, Dr. Dre, Larry Ellison, Frankie Muniz; pretty much everyone is trying to get in while the getting’s good. What do these people have that we don’t have? Money? Power? Fame? Respect? The answer to all of those questions are yes (except for Frankie Muniz’s fame), but we don’t care about any of those things. Why? Because we have a plan. A plan that we created a few hours ago that will change the NBA forever. We’ve narrowed our plan down to 6 key points:
1. We’d bring back theme nights ala Jackie Moon with the Flint Tropics. Rotissserie chicken night. Glow in the dark night. Authenitc jersey on a pole night. If there’s one thing we don’t lack, it’s imagination. Would these theme nights translate well into reality? Who cares, as long as it gets butts in the seats. Also, we’re not horrible racists.
2. We’d play in some of the games. Admittedly this kind of a selfish point, but if we own an NBA franchise there is a 100% chance that we will make the active roster at some point during our tenure. To be honest, we think that’s what the game is lacking. Yeah it’s fun watching these gargantuan athletes dunk the ball all the time but what about some real, old fashioned basketball? Pick and rolls, layups, high shorts. Bring a little old school charm back to the league. Also, we’re not horrible racists.
3. We have no shortage of new team names and mascots. The Clipper’s ship has sailed (see what I did there?). It’s time for this LA franchise to take on a new identity, and we have the perfect suggestions for a town of this magnitude. Who wouldn’t love to see the LA Traffic Jams storming the court? I can see the posters now: “Tonight the Traffic Jams look to put the Heat in Park!” BOOM. Marketing 101. Also, we’re not horrible racists.
4. We would write story lines into every game. Kind of like professional wrestling……actually, exactly like professional wrestling. I’m talking tables, chairs, bra and panty matches (cheerleaders not players), hell, fire, brimstone, and barbed wire. Our first act as owners would be to get Jim Ross and Joey Styles to do commentary. MAH GOD IT’S BLAKE GRIFFIN! Also, we’re not horrible racists.
5. We would get heavy hitting names to sing the national anthem. I’m sick of watching basketball games with Harry from Tempe, Arizona or Janette from Shrewsbury singing the national anthem. I want big time solo artists or bands on that parque floor. It’s the national anthem! Having all these nobodies (no pun intended) butcher it every home game and making it lose it’s prestige. The first night we take over, Huey Lewis and The News will be singing the national anthem. Beat that, Oprah. Also, we’re not horrible racists.
6. Also, we’re not horrible racists. Self explanatory.
Come on, who wouldn’t us owning a NBA team?! We already have famous friends and that’s pretty much half of owning a pro sports team.
-The Average Nobodies
Jennifer Lawrence Named Sexiest Woman in the World – Ya Don’t Say?
In other news, the sky is blue, the grass is green and pills are good. At 23, I can’t see Jennifer Lawrence relinquishing the crown anytime soon. Shine on.
– Ryan
Mark My Words: Rob Ford Will Be Back Better Than Ever
Tommy Boy – Embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford said he is taking a break from his re-election campaign to seek help for alcohol abuse — hours after a local newspaper reported on a new video that allegedly shows him smoking crack cocaine.
“It’s not easy to be vulnerable and this is one of the most difficult times in my life,” Ford said in a statement Wednesday. “I have a problem with alcohol, and the choices I have made while under the influence. I have struggled with this for some time.”
The statement, provided to CNN by Canada’s CTV News, comes after the Toronto Globe and Mail reported on the new video.
In the video purportedly filmed Saturday, the newspaper reports Ford is seen smoking what a drug dealer described to the paper as crack cocaine from a copper-colored pipe. Two Globe and Mail reporters viewed the video, and the publication said it was shot in what appears to be Ford’s sister’s basement.
The paper said the substance in the pipe could not be confirmed.
The video is part “of a package of three videos the dealer said was surreptitiously filmed around 1:15 a.m., and which he says he is now selling for ‘at least six figures,'” the paper reported.
Shortly after the newspaper confronted the Mayor about the video, Ford announced he was taking a break to get help.
“Today, after taking some time to think about my own well-being, how to best serve the people of Toronto and what is in the best interests of my family, I have decided to take a leave from campaigning and from my duties as mayor to seek immediate help,” he said.
His lawyer, Dennis Morris, told CNN that Ford’s leave begins immediately.
“He has to take a break to re-energize, because he realizes he has flaws that have to be addressed,” Morris told CTV.
But Morris told the Globe that he questioned the authenticity of the video, and said it is hard to prove what the Mayor is smoking.
“If these guys are drug dealers and there’s money involved, they can say whatever they want to get more money, to extract more money from the people who are paying,” he said of the seller.
Kind of a bittersweet day for Rob Ford. You don’t want to see this guy disappear into Bolivian but it’s great to see that he realized he needs help. I personally would have stepped down after the first crack video but hey, everybody’s got their own style. Now to the real stuff. It’s REALLY easy to kick a guy when he’s down, especially when it comes to addiction. I’m not going to pretend that I know Canadian politics, because I don’t. I don’t know if he’s a good mayor and frankly I don’t care, just as I’m sure people in Toronto don’t give a shit if the mayor of North Providence is good or not (hint: he’s not). But fate brought Rob Ford into my life and I’ve never been one to question fate. Beyond all the jokes, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. He’s jovial, he’s a sports fan, he doesn’t take himself seriously. Does he have an addiction problem? Yes. Anytime your resorting to crack you have a whopper of a problem. But he’s been on this blog from the beginning, and the Average Nobodies do not leave soldiers behind, crack smokers or not. Hell, he’s even front and center on the website banner. We hope Rob Ford gets the help he needs, then comes back better than ever, less sweaty and crack free. For now, I’m going to listen to that Fuel song on repeat and smile at these pictures.
– Ryan
thanks to @LunaElektraSMC for the tip.
Craig Siegel Refuses to Let Florida Go Quietly Into the Night
I Love Florida – A Florida man who was under investigation for 19 counts of scheming to defraud didn’t help his cause on Monday when he allegedly threw a bucket of urine on a Sarasota County building inspector.
Craig Siegel is accused of dousing the code enforcement officer with pee while he was investigating the rental property owner for advertising a five-bedroom home as a 12-bedroom house.
When renters showed up to the home and found it was short seven bedrooms, Siegel allegedly refused to give back their money and told them to sue, netting himself more than $53,000 in the process.
“(I said) You give me my money back. He said no, we are not in the financial position to do that,” renter Denise Blair told My Fox Tampa Bay.
Siegel has been charged with criminal mischief and battery on a code enforcement officer in addition to the fraud charges.
While leaving court, Siegel called the urine bucket story “an allegation.”
Blair was happy to hear about his court appearance. “Love it, that’s where he deserves to be. I asked him many times to make it right,” she said. “Doing that to someone, come on, that’s just disgusting.”
Oh, Florida. Just when I thought you’d go on a hiatus of insanity Craig Siegel comes out of nowhere and starts dumping urine on peoples heads. There are multiple reasons to love this story. Listing a rental property as a 12 bedroom home when the home only has five bedrooms is absolutely hysterical. Couldn’t list it at six or seven bedrooms? Had to spike it up all the way to 12? How do you even explain a seven bedroom difference to a potential buyer? I have to imagine this is the kind of people you deal with when you’re trying to buy a home in Florida. You think you have this beautiful 12 bedroom home, then you show up and it’s clearly missing seven bedrooms. Then you have the code enforcement officer thinking he’s got an easy case lined up. All he has to do is report back that this house clearly does not have 12 bedrooms and then call it a day, but he gets a bucket of urine for his troubles. A BUCKET of urine. Judging Craig only from his mugshot, he strikes me as someone that would pee in a bucket numerous times. Obviously peeing in a bucket once or twice wasn’t gonna suffice in this particular situation. So Craig got himself a bucket and pissed in it until he was satisfied. Just another reason why I’m never going to Florida again.
– Ryan
Hey Natasha Blasick, Is Everything OK At Home?
Ghost Lover – Hollywood actress Natasha Blasick claims to have experienced spectral rape on two occasions.
The Russian-born brunette even hopes her spectral lover returns.
Speaking on UK’s This Morning, she claimed the forced sex first happened when she was home alone and felt an invisible force push her down on her bed and force himself on top of her.
“I felt something entered the room. I couldn’t see anybody. Suddenly I could feel that somebody touching me,” she said
“Their hands were pushing me against my will and then I could feel the weight of their body on top of me but I couldn’t see anybody.
“At first I was very confused then I decided to relax and it was really pleasurable, I really enjoyed it.”
The ghost left – and returned for more a month later
The former model and Mrs World Pageant competitor was interviewed by top Hollywood psychic Patti Negri, who believes in spectrophilia – supernatural sex.
“I’ve got clients worldwide who have had this experience,” Negri said.
Well this story takes the cake. Ghost sex. GHOST SEX. I’m not a fan of calling people crazy but Natasha Blasick is crazy with a capital C. I’m glad we got the Hollywood psychic in this video too. Just rounding up all the nutjobs in one room. My favorite line in this story was “the ghost left – and returned for more a month later.” Well that was nice of the ghost to give Natasha some time to process what just happened. Although judging by the interview she went along with it just fine. If a ghost decided to start having sex with me I can’t say I’d be as relaxed and happy about it. Actually I can say with complete confidence I’d be very upset. I will say this ghost has fantastic taste. Former model, competed in Mrs. World Pageant. This ghost has done this before.
– Ryan
Monsterblog Wednesday: Assassin Code Names
We watched both Kill Bill movies this weekend, which should be the only explanation you need for this Monster Blog. If you haven’t seen either of the Kill Bill movies, then maybe you should re examine your life goals and watch them because they’re amazing. If we ever happened to switch professions from moderately handsome bloggers to cold blooded assassins, these would be the names and styles to look out for.
Papa Shango
My assassin code name can be deceiving, because as Papa Shango a lot of people will be expecting me to use witchcraft to get the upper hand on my victims. Just to make this clear, I will not be using witchcraft. Instead, I will use my appearance as a mildly out of shape, normal guy to sneak up on my victims and end them. If you were to see me walking down the street the last thing you’d think was that I’m a secret assassin coming to ruin your life, which is the exact thought process I want you to have. What I lack in fighting skills and overall intelligence I make up for with an unlimited amount of piano wire. My trademark black sunglasses hide my lifeless eyes, and my jacket with many, many pockets hide my piano wire. So next time you see an average nobody walking down the street, maybe you should give them a second look, because it could be me, with a lot of piano wire , fulfilling my next assignment.
– Ryan
Short Circuit
As Short Circuit I am know as the greatest technological assassin on the planet. I can strike form anywhere with ease by using the world against you. Tapping into security systems allows me to always have the upper hand and while i’m not the fastest assassin this gives me all the speed I need. Maybe I blow up your cell phone, or maybe I take control of your car and drive it off a bridge, no matter how I do it one thing is for sure, you will have no idea when or how Short Circuit will strike.
-Matt
