Author Archives: ryanfoges
Cuddle Up To Me is Apparently a Real Company Where People Pay a Stranger to Cuddle With Them
(Source) “Looking for a little extra affection? Meet Sam Hess, a 29-year-old cuddle professional who makes a living by selling snuggles to those in need. Hess is part of a new breed of business people who believe that touch, no matter who it comes from, is the key to a happy life. She hatched the idea after watching a YouTube experiment in which two men offered free or paid hugs to people on the street. “People paid for hugs more than they took the free ones, and I realized that there’s real value in affection,” Hess tells Yahoo Shine. “My friends and boyfriend were a little wary at first, but once they realized I was serious about it, they were supportive.” Hess’s Portland, Oregon based company, called Cuddle Up To Me, offers two basic packages: A 30-minute session for $35 and a 60-minute session for $60 (She charges a $1 per minute in overtime), during which Hess and her client might hold hands, cuddle up on the couch, or spoon to the tune of her “cuddle playlist,” which includes classic music and hits by Phil Collins and Jack Johnson. There are also prepaid weekly sessions and a flat rate for overnight stays. However, before she does business, Hess conducts a free 45-minute meet-and-greet in a public place such as a coffee shop, to assess the intentions of potential clients. “I need to know where a person is coming from so I know what I’m walking into,” she explains.
This is sad. Not “someones dying” sad, but the “he’s sitting all by myself at the restaurant” type of sad. Who’s paying someone $60 an hour to cuddle with them? Splurge and pay the extra $100 for a prostitute like a normal person. I don’t care how many write ups Sam gets Yahoo or any other website to do. This is weird and anyone who thinks otherwise is weird. Buy a teddy bear. Go out in society and meet people. Basically do anything but pay a stranger to come cuddle with you.
– Ryan
P.S. The only thing I’m on board with is the choice of Phil Collins for this girl’s cuddle playlist. I’d love to cuddle to Phil’s angelic voice. Again, just not with a stranger.
The Fact that Mark Davis Owns a Professional Football Team is Mind Boggling
If you’re an Oakland Raiders fan and you’ve ever wondered why your team has been so bad for so long then you really don’t need to look any further than Mark Davis. No self respecting man would ever walk around with that haircut. Ever. THIS is the guy in charge of making decisions for your franchise. All those bizarre head coaching changes make a lot more sense now. The Jamarcus Russell draft? Crystal clear. When you’ve got a haircut like that every decision you make needs to be questioned. Someone needs to hold a closed door meeting with Mark and force him to wear a hat whenever he’s in public. Only logical solution I can think of.
– Ryan
Here’s the Full Soft Core Performance of Lady Gaga & R. Kelly’s ‘Do What U Want’ From SNL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc9F8j1DGks&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I’d love to say that R. Kelly is back, but you and I both know he never left. If apron sales don’t skyrocket by 1000% this week then I have no faith left in people. Yes this performance should’ve been on Cinemax and not NBC. And yes I loved every second of it.
– Ryan
Alan Markovitz With the Power Move of the Century
(Source) “A Michigan man has erected a giant bronze sculture of a hand with its middle finger raised in the direction of his neighbor – who also happens to be his ex-wife.
Alan Markovitz, 59, a Detroit strip-club entrepreneur, erected the 12-foot-high, spot-lit sculpture in the backyard of his lakefront Orchard Lake home.”
This is kind of awesome/insane. Nothing says your over your ex wife like moving next door and building a giant bronze statue of a middle finger facing her house. People can hate on Alan Markovitz all they want. I like his style. He’s just a simple strip club owner who never, ever let’s a grudge go.
– Ryan
P.S. I don’t think it’s possible to get any creepier, Alan.
And I’ve Found My New Favorite Picture
I don’t know why this is hilarious, but it just is. Peyton Manning is the king of unintentional comedy.
Who Has a Better Mustache: Ryan the Human or Harold the Noble Walrus
Vs.
I judge a mustache on three criteria: upkeep, style and the overall charisma the mustache exudes.
I’m willing to admit Harold has me beat in the charisma department. The guy just looks like a star. Plus someone else took his picture while I took a picture of myself in my office cubicle. I’m willing to admit when I’m outmatched, and when it comes to natural charisma, Harold has IT.
Style: we both went with the traditional mustache. I’m not one to brag but the human face is a much better fit for a mustache. The lack of a neck really throws off the dimensions needed for a good stache. I’d have to give the style round to myself.
Upkeep: I’m the clear winner in the upkeep category, but the lack of trimming devices/hands and fingers is a disadvantage for the walrus that can’t be ignored. Those whiskers are mighty long, but it seems as if Harold has no control over how long they grow.
After a lot of soul searching, I’d have to rule this contest a draw. Only fair way to call it. On the bright side, at least Harold doesn’t look like a porn star.
– Ryan
The “I’ll Have The Quesadilla” Lyric in Nickelback’s “Rockstar” is the Dumbest Lyric in Music History
Before I get started, I want to make something perfectly clear: I don’t hate Nickelback. I don’t think they’re anything special but I’m not a rabid anti-fan who prays to the devil hoping for their demise. I do, however, have a problem with a lyric from one of their hit songs. The song “Rockstar” is about a guy or a band who dreams of being a rockstar(s). Throughout the entire song the lead singer documents everything he would do if he were rich and famous. At one point, at around the 2:00 mark, he talks about signing autographs so he can eat his meals for free. The next lyric is the dumbest lyric in the history of recorded music. “I’ll have the quesadilla. Ha, ha.”. What kind of stupid peice of shit, when given the chance of a free meal, picks a quesadilla? You’re a world famous rockstar, and you’re eating quesadilla’s like some type of Taco Bell addict? This, and only this, is the reason Nickelback will never make it anywhere in life. It starts with picking quesadillas, and it ends with them singing a cover version of their old songs at some spoiled brats bat mitzvah. Should’ve went with the chicken parm, assholes.
–Ryan
The Title Belt the WWE is Giving the Cy Young Winners is Cooler Than Any Other Sports Trophy
The WWE just making every other sports trophy look stupid. You’re lying to yourself if you say you don’t need this. This is by far the coolest award any human being can be given. A title belt with your face on one side and your team logo on the other. Class on top of class. Just shows you how smart Vinnie Mac is. Basically throwing the old Cy Young trophy under the bus. I wouldn’t be surprised if he challenged Bud Selig to a steel cage match at the Royal Rumble this year. He just gets more unpredictable as the years go on.
As a side note, what are the odds Scherzer and Kershaw ever pitch again? If I ever got a title belt from the WWE for any achievement I’d retire the same day. No Cy Young, MVP or World Series trophy can ever trump the title belt. Game, set, Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
– Ryan
