Author Archives: ryanfoges
Monsterblog Wednesday – If You Had to Watch One Movie For the Rest of Your Life…
A Bronx Tale
While I always go with Clooney in pretty much any hypothetical situation, I had to switch things up for this monster blog. Before Tony Soprano landed on our TV sets, there was Sonny. Sonny was a mobster, and Sonny was cool. A Bronx Tale, for those who haven’t seen it, follows C, a young Bronx boy who has to decide between a life of crime with mobster Sonny or follow in his father’s footsteps and make an honest living. The icing on the cake? Bobby De Niro stars as C’s father, and he directs the movie. Watch this movie and tell me it doesn’t have the greatest soundtrack of all-time. I DARE YOU. Also, it provides us with one of the greatest quotes in movie history: “the saddest thing in life is wasted talent”.
– Ryan
Armageddon
NO question in my mind. This was probably the easiest choice I have ever made. Affleck, Willis, Tyler, Wilson, Duncan (RIP), Thornton, Buscemi, fitchner…and the list goes on! Star studded cast? Check! Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck saving mankind? Check! Romantic love story? Check! Uber emotional ending that I don’t cry at every time? Check! On my death bed i’m going to rip my hospital tag off my wrist and scream “GIVE THIS TO TRUMAN! MAKE SURE TRUMAN GETS THAT!”
-MattyV
What movie would you watch? Comment below!
American Hustle Set to Close Dubai Film Festival
According to the Hollywood Reporter, David O. Russell’s newest feature film, American Hustle, will headline and close out the Dubai Film Festival, which runs from December 6th-14th.
DIFF artistic director Masoud Amralla Al Ali said: “We are thrilled to bring David O. Russell’s follow-up to his Oscar-winning films The Fighter and Silver Linings Playbook to DIFF audiences this year. With one of the most exciting filmmakers working today at the helm, an outstanding cast and compelling story, this is a film that is set to blow audiences away and end the 10th DIFF on a high note.”
Hustle has had serious Oscar buzz surrounding it for quite some time, and with good reason. O. Russell stockpiled an incredible cast, and not only are they talented, but most of the cast have worked with the director before. Amy Adams and Christian Bale starred in The Fighter, while Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence were the two leads in Silver Linings Playbook. Add in the supporting actors (Renner, Louis C.K. and De Niro) and it’s easy to see why critics and fans are eager for the premiere. If the film is anything like O. Russell’s last two films, the honor of closing the Dubai Film Festival may be the first in a long line of deserving awards.
– The Average Nobodies
P.S. If you haven’t yet, check us out on Movie Pilot.
Linda Ducharme Married a Ferris Wheel. Guess What State She’s From?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY64l69DNQA&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Honestly Florida, I give up. You win the make believe award for craziest state. It’s not odd enough that Linda Ducharme is marrying a ferris wheel. Nope. She’s actually been in a relationship with Bruce for 30 years. Oh did I forget to mention the ferris wheel has a name? It’s Bruce, which would be hysterical if this story wasn’t so weird. I do have to give the priest credit for his professionalism in this video. He’s a bigger man than I for not completely falling apart laughing during the ceremony. And Linda, although you’re clearly insane…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjq5x0Vnveo&feature=youtube_gdata_player
– Ryan
Dr. Oz Might Actually Be a Super hero
(Source) TV personality Dr Mehmet Oz has pulled a woman from her crumpled car after a head-on collision – saving her just minutes before the vehicle rolled backwards into a ravine.
His quick thinking on Saturday came three months after he ran to the aid of a British tourist whose foot was severed by a New York City taxi cab that lost control and hurtled towards her.
And that incident occurred just days after Dr Oz, wearing a red superhero cape, was pictured helping a man who collapsed beside him during a 5k run in Salt Lake City, Utah.
On Saturday, the doctor, who said he must have ‘bad karma’ when he travels because of the number of accidents, rushed to the woman who crashed in lower Bucks County in Philadelphia at 1pm.
Dr. Oz also made headlines back in August when he witnessed a cab crashing into 23-year-old tourist Sian Green as she ate a hotdog with a friend near to his Manhattan television studio.
The cab hurtled into her after losing control and her foot was severed in the accident. She required an amputation and now walks using crutches.
I can’t think of another explanation except that Dr. Oz is an actual super hero. Normal people don’t save victims of a car accident while wearing a cape. That’s some super hero shit. If Dr. Oz is in fact a super hero, it seems as if his kryptonite is terrible timing. He always shows up after the damage has been done. If someone could just get him a watch or something he’d be an unstoppable force. Doctor/TV host by day, car accident super hero by night.
– Ryan
This is How You Quit Your Job
– via Gawker
Date: 11/06/2013 10:44 AM
Subject: Farewell and QUEEN BEY ALL DAY!
Hello XXXXXX Team,
After careful consideration, I will be ending my employment with PwC effective Monday, November 11th.
I’ve done two audit internships, one at Deloitte and one at PwC. I hated it then but I thought I’d give it a third try. Third time’s a charm right? GTFOH(If you don’t know what it means Google it!) Basically, my time here as an associate has confirmed everything I already knew ten times over. Auditing is a job for people who truly don’t have any other options and don’t know what else they could be doing. You work day in and day out pulling useless documentation and filling out useless workpapers that won’t really benefit anybody. All of it is BS! After asking dozens upon dozens of auditors what they think of their jobs and getting responses that include “I love my job!” or “I wouldn’t trade it for the world,” I realized just how fake auditors can be.
I strongly believe that auditors hate their lives and try to rationalize every piece of it. “Oh it’s just busy season” or “If everybody did the jobs they loved to do then there would be nobody doing the jobs that need to be done.” Measley excuses to justify pursuing a useless, meaningless career….
Here are some tips and pointers I thought I’d share for all of you to use through out life, you’ll need it. I also throw some tips in there that you can take back to the next XXXXXX Team Meeting or just any meeting where real people’s suggestions can be heard. Maybe a board meeting of some sort with some really important partners, because they’re so important right? (side eye)
I figure I would use the assistance of Twitter hashtags….y’all like those right?
- Auditing is for the birds, get a real career that has meaning #dontbeFAKEaboutitbeABOUTit
- Those coach and partner “relationships” or “meetings”….whatever you want to call them….Just stop. #thatishissoawkward #icantdeal #soforced #fakeconvosforfakeauditors #noidontwanttogazeintoyoureyesatatablefortwo #waytoointimateformytaste
- Let’s keep it real, partners are treated as if they’re royalty. The reality is, THEY’RE NOT! They are average Joe’s like you and I, only their pockets are a little bigger. So, there is no need to wait at the partner’s feet acting like you’ll do any and everything to please them. For what? No need to come in early just to greet the partner on the job. No need to act like you’re such an overachiever by doing all of these unnecessary things. If you’re an overachiever, be a real one..not a phony. No need to wait until the partner leaves during busy season only to leave 20 minutes later. Your time is just as valuable, are the partners God? I don’t think so…#don’tbeasellout #thepartnerisgoinghometoeathisorherwarmsupper #whileyouarefakeauditng #weallknownooneisproductiveafterabout7pm #gohomeandcuddleupwithyourkids #ohandspousestoo #isntthatwhatthepartnersaredoing? #ohwellsIdigress
- Trying to get all in people’s business…STOP! Everybody isn’t an open book and I’m not the type to give you my life story within five minutes as a lot of you in public accounting do. #mindyourbusiness #keepthosenoseyquestionstoyourself #noneofyourbeeswax
- XXXXXX, you’re fake important and you stink. I’ve peeped your game…constantly trying to throw me under the bus. You talk too much about everyone and how much you’re so stressed out on all of your clients …everyday we suffer from hearing this ish as well as listening to your countless stories about your girlfriend. You’re such a gossiper that sometimes I think you’re more feminine then you appear. Who does that? You’re a grown man, get your life! #somethingtotakebacktomizzy #f*outtahere #yourlifesucksandyouclearlyknowit #somethingtotakebacktotheteam? #chattycathy #femininemuch? #someoneneedstheirvagwaxed #ohwaityoudonthaveone
- P.s. XXXXXX, I can give two shits about your animals, maids, brother, etc. Is your life really that boring? Never seen people so in love with animals in life. #ewwnotcomingovertoyourplace #probsmellslikefecesandthrowup #couchesprobtornup #ohletmeguesstheysleepinyourbed #absolutelydisgusting | Get some friends to tell your business to. #ohwaitdrakesaidnonewfriends #maybeyouneedjesusinstead #yourvisionofyourselfisskewed #takeyourselfdownacoupleofnotches #youhavenotarrivedimsorry #crownforthequeenbey #ohandbythewaycelinedioncannottouchbey #beyhivebitches
- XXXXXX, I saw you yesterday giving me the side eye. I think those eyeballs need some readjusting. Girl, stop! Don’t play into XXXXXX’s episodes. Just because both of you feel the need to give your whole life story doesn’t mean other people will feel that way. Have your own opinions and ideas. #I’msorrybutnotsorry #dontbeafollower #thoseeyeballswerestaringtoohardforcomfort #goodluckonyourmiserablecrapofacareeratpwc #saygoodbyetoyoursociallife #butifyoudecidetoleaveyoucantwerkoutwiththerestofus #twerkmileymileytwerk
- XXXXXX, where do I start? You hate yourself and your job, let’s be honest. Your cat doesn’t care about you so stop caring about it. Stories about your nasty cat are unbearable. Seriously, I can’t even deal. Beyond gross! You’re fake ratchet! I hear you giving weird remarks that are borderline weird….I can definitely hear the twang in your voice. Just be you! Most of all, these are the top 10 reasons Baddie Bey(Beyonce) will kill Britney Spears (she’s a has been) any day.
1. Beyonce can sing and dance live without lip singing and do it well. She doesn’t need autotune or a background track to make her the Queen. All she needs is a mic, some heels, and her fabulous Brazilian and Malaysian wig to swing around. Can’t say the same for Britt. Sorry girl!
2. Beyonce has much more class.
3. Beyonce’s music transcends culture. Britt….uh….well, that stopped a few world tours ago
4. Beyonce has continued to get better and better over time. Her vocals are stronger than ever. Not to mention, after popping out Baby Blue she was back at it. She didn’t get all washed up and boring like Britt did.
5. Beyonce is on some presidential ish. Didn’t you watch President Obama and First Lady Michelle’s first dance? Or the inauguration performance? Haven’t you kept up with the Let’s Move campaign (Bey and First Lady Michelle’s initiative to solve the epidemic of childhood obesity? ) Well, Bey has been on! Britt has stayed in the shadows. #sorrybutnotsorry #getyourlife
6. Beyonce killed the Superbowl half time show solo dolo. Britt and NSYNC did that back in the 90s…but that was the 90s…and she wasn’t solo dolo…so Bey wins!
7. Beyonce can dance her butt off. She has rythym. Britt used to be able to …but she is stiff now. I’m sorry..
8. Beyonce has stage presence. I don’t think you know what that is but you can Google it. It’s basically something Britt doesn’t have.
9. Beyonce is the QUEEN. She is the best performer alive. Bottom line, no gimmicks!
10. Beyonce wins and now that I’m out of here, I win too!!! #doingtheharlemshakeasitype
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuBGevbuQYs&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I know it’s a lot to read and reading is hard but this is out of control. My favorite parts are when she calls out her co workers then inexplicably lists 10 reasons why Beyonce is better than Britney Spears. She had to get that top 10 list in there. I’m not totally convinced the quitting of the job part was a secondary reason for the letter. Maybe Glory just really loves Beyonce and knew her co workers would shun her for her views. All I know is every email I send out from now on will have the subject line Farewell and Queen Bey All Day!. That’s how you get your point across. Ease up on the hashtags though, Glory. It makes you look insane.
– Ryan
Kanye’s Video for ‘Bound 2’ is Interesting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr4HVom01T0&feature=youtube_gdata_player
What the hell is happening in this video? That’s a serious question. I honestly have no idea what’s happening. It starts off with a large raven flying away, then horses stampeding towards the camera, which oddly enough are the most realistic parts of the video. The rest of the video is just Kanye riding a Vespa with a topless Kim K straddling him with the worst CGI in history as the background. I guess this is art? I’m pretty sure there also having sex on the vespa at some point in this video. Their are just some things you can’t unsee. This is one of them.
– Ryan
Rob Ford Wants to Be the Prime Minister of Canada
(Source) ‘Sorry, kids – I shouldn’t have sworn in front of the kids,’ he said. ‘But after a while, I know what I’m doing is right. I’m serving people. I’m saving taxpayers money. And you know what, I made mistakes, I drank too much, I smoked some crack sometime. What can I say? I made a mistake, I’m human.’
In a separate interview with Fox News, Ford also revealed that his ambitions don’t end with remaining as Toronto mayor and that he wants to be prime minister of Canada.
‘Yes, one day I do want to run for prime minister,’ said Ford.
Rob Ford might be the least self aware person in the history of the universe. Has he drank a little too much on ocassion? Sure. Does he dabble in the crack cocaine game? Of course. Did he imply he eats his wife out all the time at a public hearing calling for his termination? The answer is yes. But despite all that nonsense, he still has dreams. He’s really no different from you or I. Should those small transgressions keep him from climbing the political ladder and becoming the prime minister of Canada? Yes it should. I’ve actually never been more sure of something in my entire life. But I’ve also never rooted for someone to succeed more than Rob Ford. He’s clearly lost his mind, but if running for prime minister means more Rob Ford coverage then I’m ready for the ride. Seatbelt is fastened. Show us what you’re really made of, Rob.
– Ryan
PS-
He’s the hero Toronto deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Crack-smoking Dark Knight.
Farewell Kenny Powers: Thanks for the Fuckin’ Memories
Eastbound and Down closed it’s door last night after four perfect seasons. There was never anyone quite like Kenny Powers on television before he stepped on the mound in 2009, and now that his journey is over, I doubt there will ever be another. Great story. Great characters. Great show. Thanks for the memories Kenny, and Stevie, and April, and every other oddball that made this show so great. End fuckin’ scene.
– Ryan
