You Probably Had A Better Memorial Day Than Tiger Woods
In the words of the famous Chris Rock, “Tiger, Tiger Woods, Ya’ll.” It seems Tiger may be falling off the wagon. First it was his beautiful wife, and now he’s going to lose his license (sad face). Woods was arrested last night and was pretty arrogant and uncooperative with the law according to the always truthful and reliable TMZ.
Woods refused a breathalizer, which means your lawyer can’t really help you. At least if he blew, an attorney would be able to say he has a rare genetic condition that amplifies the toxicity of the alcohol in his blood where he really only was a .006 but it blew well over .01
His “people” have been calling the cops asking if the arresting officer had a bodycam.
Woods has a previous DUI arrest that was caused by an unfortunate mixture of Ambien and his ex wife Elin Nordegren. That resulted in the infamous “YOU CHEATED ON ME!” blowout.
Woods is sad. It’s obvious. He can’t play golf because he’s injured, but at this point he’s a danger on the road, or the road may be a danger to him. We’ve all driven drunk, but don’t drive drunk, sad – that’s how you drive into a tree.
We hope Woods gets the help that he needs and we’d like to extend an Average Nobodies Hoorah for his support — “Hoorah!”
Woods has released a statement saying the erratic driving was due to a mixture of pain medications. Hopefully the truth will set Eldrick free.
Till we meet again folks, stay fucking classy, and remember, if no one else loves you like Tiger, Jesus/Muhammed/Allah/Jah loves you.
~ The Doctah