I’m not going to front like I know what Iwata’s been up to these last few years, or anytime before that. All I know is that he brought my brother and I some of the greatest happiness we have ever known in the form of a tiny pixelated plumber named Mario. I also won’t act like I knew the guy, but after seeing something very disturbing on the internet yesterday I have a feeling he might be rolling over in his grave.

Charlie Wilco, from Barstool sports, put up one of the most egregious lists of all time. He tried putting together a list of the 12 best N64 games. Don’t get me wrong, his heart was in the right place and he almost had a semi-deent list, but like in Mecha Marathon, almost doesn’t count.

Here is the list in order from 15th best to the best (Because you’re a coward if you make a “best of” list and don’t give value to the positions.):

15: Banjo-Kazooie

Taking the unsung hero spot on our list, Banjo-Kazooie is easily one of the best 3D platformers on the N64. Which is saying a lot because 3D platformers is where the N64 setup shop. You don’t know true frustration until you’ve played this game.

14: Mario 64

Just like the The SNES, and the NES before it, this wouldn’t be a Nintendo console without a Mario game and The N64 brought out the big guns on this one. I specifically remember pissing myself over how different this game was compared to every other game I have ever played. No matter what list you make of N64 games, this has to be on it somewhere.

13: Diddy Kong Racing

Mario Kart this and Mario Kart that…and rightfully so, it’s an awesome game (but we will get to that later). Diddy Kong Racing on the other hand, never gets the respect it deserves. You can race as a hovercraft and an airplane for fuck’s sake! How could you not be into that type of racing game! Not to mention it was almost like an adventure game and a racing game boned and had a sick twisted love child; what I mean is, you get the best of both worlds.

12: NFL Blitz

Da Bomb…..every. fucking. time.

11: StarFox

Sometimes games come along and become instant classics, but not entirely because of their gameplay. Star Fox is a great game, don’t get me wrong, but it makes this list for one reason and one reason only, the rumble pack. The advent of the rumble pack change gaming for a lifetime and it all started with a Fox who flies a spaceship……what the fuck was Iwata on while working at Nintendo.

10: Pokemon Stadium

Like the game before it on this list, Pokemon Stadium introduced a game changer to the N64, the gameboy reader. This allowed you to play your Pokemon from your Gameboy game in Pokemon Stadium. Again, I specifically remember pissing myself over this surprise feature.

9: Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater

Great soundtrack, great gameplay, great multiplayer. This had every aspect to an addicting game that you would want. If I made a list of N64 games I sunk the most time into, this would be near the top.

8: Mario Golf

Iv’e never been so interested in golf then when I was playing Mario Golf. I was actually disappointed when I first saw The Masters on TV and didn’t see Bowser teeing up to crush the ball 600 yards. Honorable mention: Mario Tennis.

7: The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

Nothing gave me more nightmares as a kid than Ghostbusters and Majora’s Mask. That moon was literally terrifying. Leave it to the people at Nintendo to go out and top one of the best games iv’e ever played (Ocarina of Time) with this masterpiece. It holds up so well that they just released it on the 3DS with its own console to go with it.

6: Mario Kart 64

Fun when your 12 while eating dunk-a-roos and fun when your 20 while getting drunk playing in your college dorm. A timeless classic that will always accurately depict your worth as a human being.

5: Ken Griffey Jr.’s Slugfest

“It’s showtime”, Angels in the outfield cheat codes, and an unstoppable Yankees team. Like Tony Hawk, this game has countless hours of my childhood locked away forever.

4: Mario Party

The ULTIMATE multiplayer game….ok, before you jump down my throat hear me out. This is a game that everybody could get into, no matter what friends you had over your house. Other games higher up on this list are also great multiplayer games, but they have a specific crowd. Mario Party can satisfy the sports , first-person shooter, and platformer fans.

3: Super Smash Brothers

The first game to answer the age old hypothetical questions we wanted answered. Who would win in a fight: Pikachu or Mario? Another timeless classic that have spawned a whole sub-genre of games. Ness FTW.

2: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Best adventure game ever made. EVER MADE. New Zelda games are great, but nothing will touch The Ocarina of Time. The only reason it doesn’t make number one on this list is because it’s a single player game and the majority of my time gaming as a child was with my brother and all my friends. Nobody wants to watch someone play a video game. Fuck the water temple.

1: Goldeneye

When I think of the N64 one thing pops into my head, Pierce Brosonan. I don’t want to know you if you don’t know what Goldeneye is. Every person I have ever known has a story about Goldeneye. “My friend used to always be Oddjob and I wanted to murder him” or “We used to play in paintball mode” or even “The bathroom level was the best”. If you know anything, you know that Goldeneye was the BEST game on the N64. Period. End of fucking story.

TAKE IT TO THE BANK

Have a day

-Matt