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There Is Currently A Hamburger Assault Epidemic In Florida Right Now

FloridaDuring an argument over infidelity, a Florida woman threw a hamburger at her boyfriend, striking him in the eye and landing her in jail.

According to cops, Rykihia Moore and Mario Thornton were bickering Saturday evening over Moore reportedly “being unfaithful.”

In the midst of the verbal beef inside a Clearwater home, the 27-year-old Moore “took a hamburger” and threw it at Thornton, her beau of 12 months. The burger, a criminal complaint alleges, struck Thornton in the eye.

Florida, AgainA man accused of hitting his dad with a McDonald’s bag with hamburgers in it likely wasn’t lovin’ it when deputies tossed him in the Indian River County Jail, according to an arrest affidavit.

Tanner Wolf, 19, was jailed May 24 on a misdemeanor charge after the hamburger hullabaloo in Vero Beach.

Wolf’s father told Indian River County Sheriff’s investigators that Wolf has been causing problems. He “is using marijuana and out of his mind,” the affidavit states.

Wolf’s father said he asked his son to get his feet off the kitchen counters. He said his son grew upset and began cursing at him.

That’s when Wolf is accused of lobbing the McDonald’s bag with burgers in it, striking his dad.

wtfih

We haven’t heard from Florida in awhile, so it only makes sense for them to come back with a bang. While the 99.9% of the world is busy eating hamburgers, Florida is busy assaulting people with them. My only question is this is kind of a stretch for assault. How injured can someone be from a flying hamburger, especially from McDonald’s. McDonald’s hamburgers weigh like half a pound. They’re not even made of real meat. It’s basically like throwing a half pound piece of rubber at someone. But when you’re talking about Florida, you have to expect the unexpected. Multiple hamburger assault crimes might be the definition of unexpected.

– Ryan

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About ryanfoges

I want to experience as much as I can while I'm here. Come along for the ride @rfogarty7.

Posted on June 11, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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