Florida Just Raised The Crazy Meter to 1,000 After A Man Tried Stealing A Chainsaw By Hiding It In His Pants
Bicycle – A Florida man has been caught on camera successfully stealing a chainsaw from a hardware store by stuffing it down his shorts, police said.
Astonishing surveillance footage shows Anthony Ballard ramming the machine into his slacks at the Treasure Coast Lawn Equipment shop in Port Saint Lucie on Oct. 28, reports TC Palm.
The 28-year-old is then seen trying to waddle away from the counter. Thankfully for him, the $600 Stihl appliance was switched off. The video clip then cuts out.
Ballard, who’d initially gone into the store and asked the cashier if he had change for a dollar, is then reported to have hopped on a bicycle and furiously pedaled away.
Store staff gave chase and Ballard allegedly tossed the machine into a wooded area, before cycling off even faster.
I don’t think there’s a funnier visual than a man with a chainsaw in his pants furiously pedaling away on his bicycle from another man who is trying to retrieve that same chainsaw. I’m going to go out on a limb and say this was not the most well thought out plan. By rule, any plan that involves your bicycle being the get away vehicle is not a good plan. You just have so many more options in the year 2014. Why a bicycle? Why not, I don’t know, a car. Also, there HAS to be a better way to steal a chainsaw. Unless the owner of this hardware store was a Butchie impersonator from The Wire then stealing a chainsaw right in front of his eyes was not a great move. This whole story comes down one thing, and one thing only: the guy was from Florida. The laws of human nature do not exist in Florida. People steal chainsaws and ride away on bicycles. In Florida, they call that Wednesday.