Damn You Florida, I Can’t Quit You

Source – A Florida man remains in jail without bond today after telling police he didn’t know cocaine was illegal in the state.

Key West police officers arrested Guy Lanchester on Duval Street last Sunday. A security officer for the Pier House resort saw him and two others acting suspiciously and called police, according to an arrest affidavit.

When officers arrived, they found Lanchester, 46, and the two others near a parking lot. As the officers approached, Lanchester walked behind a flower pot and began fumbling with a small, plastic baggie containing a white, powdery substance, the arresting officer wrote.

When the officer walked up to Lanchester to see what he was doing, he shoved his hands into the dirt inside the flower pot, leaving the baggie behind, according to the arrest affidavit. The white powder later tested positive for cocaine.

Upon his arrival at jail, Lanchester reportedly told officers, “I don’t understand … I thought cocaine wasn’t illegal in Florida.”

Lanchester has been charged with cocaine possession and tampering with evidence, police said.


I really thought 2014 was going to be different. I really thought we’d be able to get through most of this year without the craziness that is Florida engulfing our nation. Then came along Guy Lanchester. Openly doing cocaine in public and then telling the police he didn’t know it was illegal in Florida. In Guy’s world cocaine laws aren’t federal; in fact I’d be willing to bet a lot of money that in Guy’s world cocaine laws don’t exist. I also have a sneaky suspicion that Guy wasn’t trying to be smooth with this excuse; he genuinely believes cocaine isn’t illegal in Florida. I respect that and at the same time I’m worried that someone this oblivious to the real world exists. Not excited about flying into Orlando Friday. Not one bit.

– Ryan

About ryanfoges

I want to experience as much as I can while I'm here. Come along for the ride @rfogarty7.

Posted on March 3, 2014, in Average Blog Posts and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Well on the upside, at least he didn’t pull a “Stand Your Ground” assault…I’m getting too upset and antsy every time I hear about those atrocities. Maybe he’s related to Ford. *shrug Maybe that’s what Florida needs: Less guns and more cocaine. Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy times! (okay, I stole the first part from “Ren and Stimpy” πŸ˜‰

    They could rechristen the Sunshine State as the Soma State, a la Brave New World. Dope everyone and everything up with cocaine and pot. Dime bags for everyone! Minus the firearms πŸ˜‰ lol

    • That’s actually not a bad idea. Although I shutter at the thought of Floridians being on more drugs than they are currently on. What we need to do is build a border that separates Florida from the rest of the country and let them have at it.

  2. *scratches off revisiting Indian Rocks again near Tampa πŸ˜‰ Kidding! I love Florida. And so do many Canadians. Half population there is now Canadian, jk – but they escape before their OHIP insurance runs out. Mostly retired teachers from up here. πŸ™‚

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