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Yeah, Fuck That. I’m Never Eating Fruit Again

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A Pennsylvania woman got quite the shock Thursday when she was washing some red grapes and felt her fingers brush up against something slimy. Yvonne Whalen saw a long spider leg creep over the top of one of the pieces of fruit and immediately dropped the colander into the sink.
A spider expert later confirmed what Whalen’s initial Internet search revealed — it was a young black widow crawling on the grapes. – HuffPost

Yup my fruit-eating days are done. I might not even set foot back in a supermarket after this. If spiders are my #1 most hated thing on this planet, then Black Widow spiders in my grapes is a personal hell that I want no part of. Spiders go back the way you FUCKING came and leave my fruit alone. If my doctor asks why I haven’t been eating my fruits and veggies this is a total legitimate excuse. All i’m going to eat is pizza, because then at least I know a spider couldn’t survive the baking process. PLUS, I can track the order on my computer through dominos, they would let me know if they spotted any godless, hell beast spiders in my pie. My cholesterol is going to be through the roof, and that’s fine. Just as long as I don’t see any god damn spiders near my food.

-MattyV

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About MattFromRI

Bucs fan. Podcast producer. Social media manager. Movie goer. Gamer. Filmmaker. Reader of comics. King under the Mountain.

Posted on November 25, 2013, in Average Blog Posts and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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